


Moving Past the Pain in Your Chest

by Artdirector123, GemstoneGold



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Dissociation, Edward Elric Swears, Edward elric is bad at feelings, Fire Opal: Fusion, Insomnia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Steven Universe Future, Steven Universe can't swear, Steven Universe is a little shit, Steven Universe is bad at his own feelings, Suicidal Thoughts, Temporary Character Death, future steven corruption, new fusions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-25 04:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 86,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21830203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artdirector123/pseuds/Artdirector123, https://archiveofourown.org/users/GemstoneGold/pseuds/GemstoneGold
Summary: When children act as soldiers, sometimes they get hurt, and people only see the scars when they're physical. Edward Elric just wanted to live what was left of his childhood but instead, he ended up dead. Truth gave him a choice, one final equivalent exchange that he does not yet understand, "A life for life." Steven just wanted to move on, but his mother's mistakes haunt him. He may know he's not her, but are they really so different? The more he wonders this, the heavier his chest feels and the harder it is to move forward.Edward and Steven must help each other heal, and maybe really understand what a life for a life can mean.
Relationships: Bismuth/Peridot (Steven Universe), Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Edward Elric & Roy Mustang, Edward Elric & Steven Universe, Edward Elric/Winry Rockbell, Mystery Girl/Pearl (Steven Universe), Steven Universe & Everyone
Comments: 113
Kudos: 205





	1. Truth be Told

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward must make a choice

_The room is white, but one cannot truly call it a room when four walls can’t be found. Still it would be considered an untruth to call it a world when a door lies in the middle of it. It is somewhere in-between the endless and confined, existing outside of time and place, for it is this space that acts as a bridge linking countless worlds. There are so many worlds, in fact, that it could crack the human mind to know the knowledge of each individual possibility. Some worlds have science beyond the wildest imaginations of modern-day humanity, while other worlds have magic so potent that science can never explain its inner workings. What is Alchemy? A science or a magic? or something crossbred to be indistinguishable between the two. Some worlds have alchemy and other worlds have everything._

Edward Elric could not know everything as he sat before Truth’s door listening to it explain this to him. The concept of magic was ludicrous, for magic was simply science that people could not yet explain. Alchemy was an ever-growing form of science, to call it magic was bordering on blasphemous. Of course, there was science that even he could not yet comprehend but if given the chance he would try to understand it. This was the only part of Truth’s explanation that resonated with the teen, all else spilled from his mind and slipped back into the unknown.

What Edward did know was that he was dead. His heart was no longer thrumming in his chest to circulate blood through his system, his lungs no longer expanded to draw in oxygen. Neurons no longer fired in his brain, although he found himself thinking clearly regardless, even if Truth managed to muddle his mind with all this nonsense. Edward Elric was dead and that was one truth that could not be disputed. It had happened swiftly, painlessly even, and unlike how he had imagined it. The war was over, the villains were defeated, and he felt that his purpose was fulfilled. Alphonse’s body had been pulled from beyond the gate in exchange for his alchemy and even without his truth, he felt whole. He did not believe in the idea of happily ever after but he believed in the idea of being happy and that was something he wished to pursue.

This is why his death, as he knew it, seemed like such a pathetic way to go. It had been his last mission, a job that he had taken as a final favor to Hawkeye before his permanent retirement. He wanted to return home with the rest of his family, finally able to live with some peace of mind; Alphonse was already back in Resembool, participating in intensive physical therapy under the supervision of many watchful eyes. _Teacher thought he might be able to move onto a light jog from a gentle walk in a few weeks._ The thought brought a smile to Edward's face even in this moment of hopelessness before Truth, _just a few more weeks and his brother would be stronger. When would he be able to run? Jump? Swim? There were so many things he wanted Alphonse to experience when he was strong enough._

The task Hawkeye asked of Ed was supposed to be simple; accompany Roy Mustang on a diplomatic mission to each surrounding nation that had been plagued with misfortune, war, and famine due to Amestris' intervention and negligence. To put it simply, it was an apology tour, but a sincere one that his colonel seemed dedicated to. For the most part, the trip went smoothly, each nation accepting Roy and Ed in stride, allowing the two to speak their piece. Drachma had seemed the shakiest at first, perhaps given that they had attempted to attack Amestris but they were willing to return to the formal treaty between their two nations. Even the relationship between Roy and Ed had seen marked improvement during their travels; sure, there had been arguing and shouting, perhaps a thrown table or two but there was more civil banter between them than hateful words and Edward could almost call the trip pleasant. He’d never admit that to Roy of course; the boy had to save face somehow. Roy may have known regardless, rounds of poker where Ed didn’t cheat were a rarity, so if he was playing fair with Roy, he knew he must be special. It's all about the equivalent exchange with Alchemist, so if Ed was playing fair with him, Roy had to do something to balance the scales. Making sure the boy stayed fed on the trip seemed like a reasonable goal, and Ed did not complain when his commanding officer tossed him something sweet at every stop.

Upon their arrival in Aerugo things finally went sideways and off-script. It had started regularly enough; the apology was seemingly accepted by prince Claudio. This did not surprise Roy, as the country rarely saw itself in conflict directly with Amestris perhaps only involving itself in warfare when absolutely necessary. The country was a trade channel and it did not mind this status. The two had only planned to stay for a short time, visiting the prince long enough to pay their due and get out but they were convinced to stay another day when a welcoming ceremony was offered: eating, drinking and making merry. Roy was hesitant, almost ready to withdraw due to suspicion but Ed was willing to trust them just for a moment.

_“Lighten up colonel, don’t tell me you’re afraid of a big bad bash? Worried that it might rain on our welcome parade? We’ll be fine,” Edward needed it to be fine, for once in his life, it had to be fine. The war was over, no one was trying to kill him. They would be fine._

_Roy reluctantly conceded, “alright.”_

Edward could almost say that for the first time in his life, he felt his age; he was just a sixteen-year-old boy having fun and causing mischief at a party. That is why when Edward stole Roy’s drink, he didn’t do it out of spite, he was curious and caught up in the moment. Roy saw this, and while Ed was scolded briefly, the man merely grabbed another drink and let his subordinate have his fun. Rules were different in Aerugo, the boy was old enough here, and perhaps the flame alchemist felt a twinge of pride that Ed would be having his first drink with him. Roy would keep an eye on Edward throughout the night, ensure the boy drank responsibly and escort him back to his room if he got rowdy.

It seemed so simple…but in the end, it was not.

The night progressed and Edward nursed his drink; it tasted bitter, dusted at the top with something gritty and white but he’d be damned if he told colonel bastard that he didn’t like it. The man would never take him seriously if he backed down now. He wasn't a baby, he could handle his liquor. So, Edward drank it, all of it, even when his head felt glossy and his muscles started to jelly wobble. Was this how being drunk was supposed to feel? He had never been drunk so he had no frame of reference. The young man felt weak, but not pained, confused but not ill, so he brushed it off as just an unfortunate reaction.

_“You seem a little flushed Full metal, small enough to become inebriated with one glass. It must be nice.” Roy teased him more amused than anything else, at least the boy was a calm drunk. “you’ll save a lot of money like that.”_

_“P’ss off” Edward had spat swatting the man away when he set a firm hand on his back, which could almost be mistaken as affectionate. The night becomes muddy after that._ The last thing he recalled saying to Mustang, was that he was going to lie down. Ed did, and he just never got back up.

Truth had initially agreed upon his arrival, that this truly was a pathetic and unintended death. The drink was originally meant for Roy Mustang, a much larger man with more build in his body. What killed Edward, would have merely incapacitated the older man making him a prime ransom. This fact added insult to injury but Edward did not react brutally to Truth calling him small, because he was dead and that did not seem to matter much anymore. He was dead and it was not a grand twist of fate, nor did he go out in blazing glory, it was just a simple mistake that would be discovered in the morning. Edward might never even know what happened if he never asked, and he did not feel like knowing now. Barry the Chopper, Scar, Tucker; there were people that **almost** killed him. Mistakenly drugged by a pompous prince was the thing that did him in? It just seemed so stupid. 

Suddenly a white mass of human-shaped light was in his face, blurry hands clapping an inch from his nose, making Edward stumble back from the eternal entity. “what the hell?!”

  
“I asked you a question. But I don’t think you’ve been listening to anything I’ve said since you’ve gotten here.” The faceless being sat back staring at Edward, and despite the face being formless Edward can tell that it has a look of contemplation while staring at him. “Don’t you want to know where you are, all the answers lie before you if you ask for them. You are at the end; don’t you want to know the truth that was denied you upon your last visit?”

Edward's voice follows, gravelly and tired, despite no longer having a physical body that could feel soreness or exhaustion. He just felt these things in his soul, “What’s the point?”

“What’s the point?”

“Yeah, God damn it what’s the point!” Edward fumbles forward crawling towards Truth. “What’s the point of truth when it only comes at the end, when there’s no one around to share it with!”

“heh…” it’s not quite a laugh but Edward feels his bloodless body boiling at the simple sound. He thought he had beaten Truth, but now it was in front of him laughing at his misfortune. If he could kill god, he would. But would that be akin to killing himself? Could a soul even be snuffed out…

“I’m dead and alone and all you have to say is, heh” Edward goes so far as to wrap his hands around Truth’s slender neck and he starts to shake it. “and everyone else is alive. I have nothing to trade you this time, I am sixteen fucking years old and I’m done? All you have to say to me is Heh, you bastard? Say it again, I dare you!”

Truth did not seem phased as the teen throttles it, shaking the body of light back and forth with reckless abandon; it waits for Ed to tire himself out. Edward’s voice slowly falls weak as he chokes back his breath and his hands shake until they can no long grip Truth’s neck. It does not take long before he is reduced to a cold heap on the floor, despair close to overtaking him. When Truth speaks again, Edward can almost feel the annoying grin on his face. “I like you, Edward Elric.”

Ed scowls but doesn’t turn over to look at Truth. “You have a funny way of showing it.”

“I mean it. I like you, it’s a rarity for me to like a human.” Truth says calmly. “What other human has bested me as you have? No other human has understood what I am, or what the right answer is like you have. Be proud of that. It is why I’m about to offer you one final exchange.”

Edward found himself lifting his head to look at Truth. “What could I give you, what would I get?”

“Well, I suppose you have two choices really,” The truth ponders this as two doors open behind the immortal being.

Edward finds himself frozen in place as he stares dumbstruck at the first entrance. The door is average, a simple wooden frame but all too familiar to him; this is the door of his childhood home, a door that he once watched burn on a chilled October night. Now it is open to him, and he sees many figures beyond the threshold/beyond the veil: his mother, his father, Hughes, Nina, Alexander, and all he has lost along the way. It’s so tempting to just walk through without thinking, he feels his soul calling out selfishly to the door as his hand is rising and reaching towards the end he longs for. His fingers only falter when a sad sorrowful melody hits his ears. Edward stops himself long enough to look towards the other door, he must consider all his options. This door is far more decorative, the frame is metal and it gives off a soft pink glow. There is only one person beyond this door and it is an unfamiliar face that he can’t focus on, in an unfamiliar room that doesn’t catch his eye. Yet he finds himself drawn to the other door’s lingering lyrics.

_“I am me,_

_This I know_

_Still, I feel sorrowful_

_That being me_

_Doesn’t mean_

_that we don’t echo.”_

“Who is that?”

“Does it matter?”

“Where am I going?”

“You’ll find out when you get there.”

“What is the exchange?”

“A life for a life.”

Edward finds his spine going straight and stressed, “you want me to kill him?”

“So literal, you silly alchemist. If I wanted him dead, I would have said a life for a death, I said a life for a life.”

“I’m not an alchemist anymore…I don’t…I don’t get what you want.”

“It’s only fair to allow you something old, in a brand-new world. I guess you just have to find the right answer all over again.”

Edward swallowed thickly, turning away from Truth as he allowed himself to fully focus on his chosen door. He took one step forward and then another and another, and his mind can’t help but notice his other door closing as he made his way forward. The wooden door creaks shut before his body meets the glowing pink light; he pushed through to the other side. Everything turned black, briefly contrasting the pink light that shown bright only minutes before. Ill-feeling bleeds into him for a moment and nothingness lay before his eyes. Perhaps Truth had played a nasty trick on him, steering him away from his heaven straight into a new hell that would consume him.

It was a slow realization, as his senses returned to him, that this was not the case. He felt himself floating, a warmth wrapped around his body in a perfect light embrace; his hands gently glide through dense water. Just like the white room, he felt no pain, in fact in the absence of pain it felt rather nice. Even his leg port that always ached and made him sluggish, was without consequence. When he took his first breath, his nostrils filled with a floral scent so strong that it settled in his chest and calmed him. The whispering wind told him everything would be alright as his eyes open to a bright new beautiful world.


	2. Task at Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven has a busy day ahead of him

There are 24 hours in a day, 168 hours in a week. One could break that time frame down a step further by saying there are 1440 minutes per day, and a stunning 10080 minutes in a week. Not all of this time is spent in wakefulness, the daily recommended allowance of sleep for teenagers is 8-10 hours, but most only get 7.5 hours in a day leading to an increase in a variety of health risks. Adults get even less sleep, at an average of 6.8 hours per day. One Steven Universe gets a total of 4.5 hours (270 minutes) of sleep per night, spanning into 1290 in the week. This was almost half of the recommended time allotted to the average teenager. There are many reasons the boy can’t seem to sleep: nightmares, lost time spent not asleep but he can’t be certain that he was really awake, and the most common excuse being that he simply did not have time to sleep. If Steven Universe spent only 1290 minutes sleeping in a week, that meant that he still had the majority of his week to dedicate to more important tasks. Everyone in town needed him, and he needed to be needed.

Very recently Steven had made a seemly comical sitcom-like mistake, by double-booking himself between hanging out with Onion as Rainbow and teaching safety as Sunstone. While the misfortune hadn’t gone so poorly as portrayed by Sunstone's PSA, he had been mortified at the idea of disappointing the people around him: they counted on him, some gems looked up to him as a leader and a liberator. What were they going to think if they discovered he couldn’t even handle a simple scheduling issue? So, Steven devised a plan to ensure that this mistake would not be made a second time. He would simply write down his daily-weekly schedule, nearly down to the minute, and follow it religiously; Afterall you can’t double book yourself if you check your schedule and you barely have time to breathe. It was Brilliant! 

The schedule starts as followed:

700 hours: hit the snooze just once at 7:00am

Sometimes Steven woke up to his alarm and other times he found his eyes open before the alarm started blaring. His hand shifted out feeling for the phone before hitting snooze and letting his eyes rest for a moment. He needs to allow his mind to be half awake for a minute in order to pull himself out of bed on the second alarm. He needed that second alarm; he might even say he deserved that second alarm. Afterall he saved the universe, at only 14 years old, 13 minutes of extra rest in bed was perfectly reasonable.

713 hours: wake up, Steven, it’s time to start the day bright and early.

“Alright come on you can do this, up you go.” Steven smiled tiredly as he sat up in bed groaning softly as his body ached, telling him to go back in. His voice croaked and he rubbed at his throat trying to clear it. He grabbed water off his side table and took a few sips to get his body in working order. Sometime, it needed a pep talk in the morning. “Yeah yeah, I know, up you go. More sleep after school work tonight and then you get to sleep in all Sunday morning.” 

715 hours: get out of bed, slipping right into the sandals lined up along the side: can’t start the day with cold feet on the floor, Can you?

720 hours: Its time to get dressed, try out a new outfit made by the pebbles with love!

Steven had actually been quite excited for this; the diamonds had sent him a package recently gushing over something decidedly sweet the pebbles had done now that they were allowed to work on any project their heart desired. In their spare time, they had made him a gift! While they had merely made him his mother’s old outfit last time, Yellow assured him that this was drastically different and they worked hard to make him something more his taste. He walked over to the box housing his new outfit and opened it only to feel his stomach drop slightly. The clothing was gorgeous, a pair of maroon-colored trousers that looked like they would fit him perfectly and…a ruffled pink shirt with black stripes. It was nice; he would definitely send a thank you letter and even wear it next time he went to homeworld but…

(Add event) 725 hours: realize that the new outfit doesn’t look right and doesn’t feel right, maybe trying new things can wait until next week.

(Add event) 730 hours: Put on the iconic star, and new age pink jacket while admiring yourself in the mirror

(Add event) 731 hours: think of Pink and maybe admire this outfit a little less. You are Steven Universe; she is Pink Diamond…or Rose Quartz. That doesn’t mean you aren’t the same, echoing each other. Reflect on personal goals of the day, don’t let anyone down.

735 hours: Time to brush your teeth, personal hygiene is important. Remember to go through your personal skincare routine.

745 hours: Time for breakfast, one extra guest today (Lapis): simple breakfast routine.

It is a Saturday and that means little homeschool is closed for the weekend but that doesn’t mean Steven has an excuse to slack off or neglect his duties as a teacher. It does, however, mean that he’s allowed to follow his Saturday morning breakfast routine. The table is set for five people: Amethyst, Pearl, Garnet, Lapis, and Steven. Bismuth and Peridot are busy working on a project together in the shop so at least Steven can relax a little today. Lapis wasn’t even particularly difficult to add to the routine.

Pearl was the easiest, she doesn’t eat but she has become accustomed to tea in recent months: unsweet black tea with no cream. Steven can only assume it has nothing to do with a mysterious pink-haired tea-drinking woman that often visited pearl during her free time. Nope, it had nothing to do with her or the giggling he sometimes heard coming from Pearl’s room on those days. If it did, well he wasn’t upset about it, in fact, he would be pleasantly surprised by it. Good for Pearl, she should be allowed to move forward. Garnet was a little bit more difficult to gage as she so rarely ate anything in front of Steven, but he was observant and bordering on obsessive these days. He discovered recently there was a pattern to what she ate: sugary foods. So, the most logical course of action was to make her French toast powdered white with sugar. Who could resist that? Lapis was content with coffee, with no sugar or cream, she had once remarked she liked it as dark as her outlook on life which made Steven laugh nervously. Mood.

Finally, Amethyst’s order made him hesitate, and cringe slightly: an ‘every meat’ breakfast burrito, with a side of Eye Watering Wet hot sauce. He hadn’t really told her or any of the gems for that matter, that he was a vegetarian now. It had been a sudden revelation, building for a while now, but he only just decided a day or two ago. He really couldn’t be annoyed that she had requested this, and he could not quite articulate why handling meat made him just as uncomfortable as eating it, so this would probably be the last time he’d handle it. He’d do it for her. Maybe he could tell them soon though, maybe tomorrow? That was his depression nap day, though he would never actually call it that out loud. It would concern people if he did: and that wasn’t something he wanted to burden people with.

As an afterthought, Steven wondered what he should make for himself. He knew he has to eat something because that was important…even if he didn’t have an appetite at the moment. A bowl of cookie cat cereal should be fine? Nah that’s way too much sugar and he had so much to get done today that he didn’t need sugar wearing him down. Sometimes he wonders how he ever made it through the day with his ‘Together Breakfast’. Maybe just a protein shake with some added strawberries? It would save time certainly, and be way more nutritious probably…

750 hours: put the kettle on and start the coffee machine, the easiest parts of Steven’s Saturday.

755 hours: start the stove, and divide the meat into five sections to cook them through properly: sausage, bacon, buffalo, steak, eggs. Can vegetarian’s handle eggs? Is it just a vegan thing to avoid animal products? Schedule time later to Gogle it.

(add event) 1600 hours: Gogle vegan facts

800 hours: mix the egg and cinnamon for Garnets French; pull out a pan and oil to cook it through. This would be a great surprise for her, if it's even possible to surprise Garnet.

(add event) 805 hours: try not to cry when the oil backslashes like it always does 

810 hours: Pile the French toast up and dust it to perfection,

(add event) 811 hours: hear the kettle whistle knowing its time for pour pearl’s tea. Set Lapis’ mug near the machine and wait patiently for it to do what it was built to do.

(add event) 815 hours: See Pearl has entered the room and almost cry in relief because you didn’t actually want to make Amethyst’s every meat burrito, touching raw steak made your skin crawl and looking at it forced weird muted emotions to rise through your chest. Besides Pearl likes prepping and preparing food, she likes routine and would enjoy doing something for her fellow gems. Things seem so much easier when someone is around to help with the morning routine. Steven used a pan to brown up the tortillas while Pearl willingly cooked the meat. She didn’t mind cooking food so long as she didn’t have to eat it. 

830 hours: set the table, plate the food, and pour the drinks for a picture-perfect Saturday breakfast

The rest of the Saturday routine would slow down for a bit, Steven could almost relax until his other obligations forced him back into his time table. He could even review the rest of today's schedule to ensure himself that everything was listed correctly. He pulled out his phone and started scrolling through everything, screen focused as he reviews all that he has written there: no double booking and all distance between locations measured down to the minute. He had made the mistake of ignoring the time it took to get from one place to another last month and for a week straight he was late to all of his little Homeschool classes. It was more annoying than everything else. He’s so focused on his phone that he doesn’t even notice someone calling his name until he feels a hand on his head pushing his hair into his eyes.

“Earth to Steven, hey Steven look up at me. My eyes are up here.” Everything seems a little underwater and muddled, not like they actually are underwater more like his focus can’t be maintained on her when his mind is somewhere else. It's like a weird brain blur? Still, he does his best to at least give her the eye contact she desires. That was a mistake, he discovers, as he sees Amethyst swallow her burrito whole like a snake. A chill ran up his spine, he use to think that was gross but wildly cool when he was a kid. Now he just thought it was gross and it put a pit in his stomach.

He did his best to smile while giving a laugh that he hoped sounded genuine, “Cool Amethyst. That’s really…. cool. Wow, one bite…”

Amethyst grinned, “two actually but it was so good I just had to eat all of it in one go. You and Pearl did a great job so I wanted to say thanks. That’s for the amazing breakfast dude. I own you one!”

Steven’s mind drew more into the present because of the compliment (he needed to be needed) and he managed a genuine smile back this time. No one asked him to do these little things in the morning, he did it for the little comments like that. “Your welcome Amethyst…”

* * *

845 hours: Be out the door by this time and no later, it’s winter so the Dontai might have a little trouble on the roads. The snowfall is still pretty light considering the season has _just_ changed but one can never be too careful. The shop is not far away so Steven should get there on time.

900 hours: arrive just on time to see Lar’s opening-up

Steven caught the smell of fresh ube bagels (Ubasti Bagels) cooling in the window. Steven walked inside to buy a dozen and he took a moment to marvel at just how beautiful Lar’s food really was. They have an amazing sleek gloss on the crust that enhances the crunch; they’re not to chewing either. Steven can honestly say it’s the best bagel he has ever had in Beach city. The older teen even went as far as to make a special spread for them, a deep blue colored cream cheese with flecks of large white sugar crystals that made it look like the night sky. While it's on his mind, Steven also placed an early order for a Red dwarf velvet cake, graduation was still a few months away but pre-planning could never occur too early.

Things felt oddly tense between them, off in a way that Steven had become familiar with and thus he ignored it. He needed to keep things pleasant and light: Steven said hello, talked about the weather, talked about little home school, talked about the happy things in his life, and talked about nothing at all while feeling underwater. His own voice was muddled in his ear. Steven talked and talked and talked but he didn’t say anything of substance. He could be talking to a complete stranger and it wouldn’t make a difference. He only stopped talking when he found a hand on his wrist, which he had only extended to hand Lars money to pay for his bagels and preorder. He finally looks up at him, perhaps a little embarrassed to realize he hadn’t been making eye contact until now. Lars was giving him this… intense stare, it's not angry or anything, it's just deep and piercing making Steven feel uncomfortable under the familiar eyes.

“Are you doing alright….?” Lars kept his hand on Steven's wrist. It’s not a powerful grip, it’s barely a grip at all but Steven felt compelled to keep his hand in place.

The younger teen lets out what he hoped was a light-hearted laugh, he doesn’t hear how nervous he actually sounds. “I mean yeah why wouldn’t I be? I have your bagels to look forward to.”

“You look like you haven’t slept in a week…the bags under your eyes are so deep I could probably use them for cake decorating. Geez, when as the last time you got any sleep?”

Steven’s nervousness bleeds into his own awareness as he lightly tapped his toes against the floor looking away from Lars clearly embarrassed. “I don’t…. I literally was asleep last night so I’m not actually sure what you’re talking about. I was up a little early for a Saturday but you had to be up just as early so I don’t see why that’s a problem.”

“Okay, maybe I’m not asking the right question. When was the last time you got a full night’s sleep? What time did you actually go to bed last night?” His eyes narrowed scrutinizing the boy, looking over his face.

“I sort of…went to bed later than expected.” It wasn’t later than expected, it was exactly on time to finish the schedule. “Dad signed me up for online classes and I have a paper due in English tomorrow morning, about Raymond and Julio. It’s the last one for the semester before grades get calculated and sent out. So, I sort of kind of stayed up until…2:30 maybe? Give or take a minute. It’s not a big deal, I’ve watched all the teen sitcoms. This is totally normal. Besides I can just catch up tonight.” He wouldn’t because this wasn’t in the schedule and his essay wasn’t completely finished. He wanted to add more references to ensure his argument was sound. Maybe next weekend wouldn’t be so daunting, but at least he could sleep tomorrow.

Lars withdrew his hands and pressed the palm against his forehead before groaning. “Steven, that isn’t good you know. This is not a sitcom! IT…that’s bad, you’re still a kid you need way more sleep than that.”

“I know that, it’s not like I do it every night!” only 3-4 nights out of the week depending how much school work he had, or if he had to arrange the schedules for little home school, or if another corrupted gem was spotted and he had to heal them. Steven looked and sounded exasperated at being called a child. He was not naïve; he had not been naïve for years now. “I’m not stupid Lars, so don’t act like I am.”

Lars paused momentarily and slipped his hand into his pocket. “I didn’t say anything like that. I didn’t even imply it. I know you’re not dumb Steven, you are kind of brilliant when you wanna be but you just have this thing about you. You tend to…. overlook yourself sometimes so I want to make sure you don’t—you just need a reminder…I’m just saying this cuz I care about you kid….”

“I’m not a KID Lar, I’m your age, WE ARE the exact same age now! How long do you stay up huh Lars?” Steven snapped, he disn’t scream but his voice got higher in frustration as pink seeps into his cheeks. A little crack splits up the glass case of the front display and people stop to stare into the shop. He covered his mouth looking mortified at what he had just done. “I didn’t mean it…oh I’m so sorry. I swear I didn’t mean it.”

Lars visibly flinched, both because of the sharp noise and Steven’s word; slicing deep into his chest. They were the same age, and Steven would only get older while Lar would stay the same for who knows how long. He sounded exhausted regardless of his following words, “I don’t…actually sleep. I don’t usually need to. One of the perks I guess….”

Steven shook his head his mouth still covered, before more apologies spill out, “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking when I said that. I didn’t mean it. I…. I’ll pay for the display okay? Jeez, I’m so sorry Lars. I have no right to….”

A hand came to rest on Steven's chest and he looked up to see Lar's eyes staring at him with that same intensity as before but they look a little softer, a touch sadder, but understanding. A flyer is slipped into his hand, and Steven looks down at it curiously. It seemed to be a pamphlet of some sort, ’Surviving Beach City?’

“It’s okay, I guess my head is still stuck thinking you’re this cute pudgy kid that I use to pal around with reluctantly. I know you’re grown-up; I know we're basically the same age now but I’ve still got a few years of experience on you. and It doesn’t change the fact that I’m still worried about you Steven. Look this group up, gems and humans, we meet every week and we hash things out. I think its something that could be good for you…you don’t have to go right away. Just…. think about it okay. They helped me work through some things that even the off colors couldn't help me with.”

Steven stared down at the flyer calmly as he slipped it into his bag. “Okay?”

“look don’t worry about the case. The business has been great since I started delivering. I can cover it…just…I’m serious Steven. Think about it. We meet every Wednesday and you won’t be alone there. I’ll be around okay?”

“Okay…” there’s a tightness in Steven’s chest that he can’t quite explain, it’s like a low tide as the water slips from his mind and he feels himself now with lars. He wants to go but…

The ticking of the clock became apparent as an alarm went off on Steven’s phone reminding him of his daily schedule: the clock reads 930 and his hair rose on end. He was late, so late in fact that he might only have time to apologize before running off to his next Saturday activity.

“I need to go.” He blurted out before tossing the money unceremoniously onto the table, probably more than the price of the bagels and the cake but that’s fine, maybe it was enough to pay for the thing he just broke. “sorry I really need to go, I’m late. Maybe okay? It was good catching up. See you next time I see you.”

* * *

The water rises again but now its rushing and roaring in his ears, nothing is more important than at least making it on time to apologize for being late. Steven starts running the moment he slipped out the door, adding a little lightness to his step; allowing him to hop over obstacles and shorten the distance between him and his goal. He jumps off the main road leading out of Beach City and started walking a familiar trail.

(delay event) 930 hours: Spar with Jasper

(add event) 945 hours: apologies to Jasper

He would have to move things up 945 and beyond, probably shortening the length of their spar together but visiting her was still worth it. When Steven arrived at the iconic rock, he realized how winded he felt and he’s forced to lean up against a tree to catch his breath. His lungs were burning but it was the panic of disappointment that really drove him to such extremes. He could not disappoint anyone, not even Jasper.

“I’m so sorry I’m late, there was this thing about a thing, and a friend. I…. I brought bagels.” He shoved the box towards her as proof but the box was more or less ignored. She raised an eyebrow skeptically in response before shrugging her shoulders and deadlifting a rock over her head. The rock came crashing down into the ground like a hammer.

“You were late?”

“Yeah, I think maybe 15 minutes…. Now it’s more like 17 or 18 minutes but I was late for our thing. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, I see, I hadn’t even noticed.”

“You didn’t…?” shhhhh

“I don’t have a timekeeping device with me. Do even think I care if you were late?” Jasper growled under her breath as she lifts and threw a rock up in the air before thrusting her fist through it and causing the rock to gloriously explode. “It is a waste of your time to be late for your training, not mine.”

Steven coughed as some dust settled, his eye twitched in stressed discomfort as she leaned up against the pile to look him over with a judging aura. It didn’t even matter to her that he was late, that should make him feel better but somehow it only rattled his nervous energy further. This was someone who he couldn’t count on to keep his schedule so that further placed this responsibility on him. No one could keep his schedule but himself.

He took a deep breath and exhaled sharply before speaking. He puts on a wide smile like a costume, “Well anyways I can’t stay as long as I usually do, I have other things scheduled but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a fun fight!”

“Training isn’t about fun. It's about gaining the strength to crush your enemies into dust with your bare hands,” Jasper gruffed annoyance clear on her face. She hated when he did this, he was acting fake and it burned her to hear it. Jasper hated fake gemstones; lab born gems who rose from vats in instead of digging their way up from the dirt in the ground. Steven was a diamond and she felt disgust hearing him sound no better than some common Cubic Zirconia. “We are here to make you stronger, Harder.”

“um yeah. That to.” Steven said nervously. Realistically he knew Jasper didn’t intend to shatter him _but that didn’t mean that she didn’t mean what she says_. He was reminded that she was a well-tuned soldier of destruction and sometimes that can’t be changed. “Okay we both know the rules. All contact is free game except for my stomach and your face. If the rule is broken, the fight is over. I don’t want to crack you and you don’t want to crack me. Got it?”

Jasper smirked as she slowly slipped into her fighting stance. “Of course, I’m not stupid. Still you are organic so this is going to hurt you a lot more than its going to hurt me.”

“WHY do you have to say it like that?” Steven grimaced as he slid into a defensive stance and squared his shoulders up more.

Bubbles wrap around his hands and just for good measure, the spikes came out. He’s noticed that Jasper responded well to that, it made her more excited for the fight. He sees a genuine grin appear, much more emotive than her usual smirk, and he knows he’s made the right move. He lets out a scream, a normal scream, and he feels his mind rise up from the waters as his complete focus is dedicated to the fight; no pink energy is seeping into his form just yet. It’s just a burst of nervous unease that he’s been holding back all day. His daily obligations can be pushed aside for a moment and he can focus on the fight.

He ran forward and with a direct hit to her chest-- the battle was on. The hit was firm, forcing Jasper back several feet but it doesn’t knock her off balance. Steven could see her heels dig into the dirt and divots formed where her feet dragged along the soil, perhaps an inch or two deep. She slid into her rock pile and with ease, she caught the only bolder that came tumbling down. He could have hit her harder, sometimes he wanted to hit her harder but the battle had to start off mild so it could build-up to a climax that could drain them both of their pent-up energy. Jasper shifted the weight of the rock in her hands, both hands coming down to rest on either side and she stared down at him for a moment before bringing it down on Steven’s head. The young man just barely has time to summon his shield, as it came down crashing against the surface; the rock bursts apart into dust and peddles spraying everywhere. Steven was forced off his feet, the sheer strength of Jasper’s attack pounded down on him. This caused the back of his shield to press up against his face as he was forced to lie down on his back. She grabbed another rock from the pile, ready to pelt him with it.

He had only attacked her once so far; all other moves had been defense and this riled Jasper. She hated how he held back against her, she knew he could do more, be more than he let on but he feared his own strength. He could shatter her under one thumb but he refused to unleash this power in her presence for fear of what…? Scaring her? Breaking her? He was a diamond even if he was not her diamond and handling Jasper, this violent veteran of war, with kid gloves was an insult to her. She had to draw out aggression, pushing him further, nearly over the edge to get him to show her what he’s really made of under that soft fleshy body of his. He needed to unleash the rose-colored light inside him. Jasper didn’t have a death wish but she wished nothing else other than to serve her diamond. If she was gone, truly gone, then she had served her memory by helping her son reach his fullest potential as a diamond. 

Before she could throw her stone down. Steven tossed his shield and it sweeps through her legs sending her face-first into the dirt. He didn’t have time to get up before a hand wraps around his leg with a tightness that makes the bones almost creak under her fingers, a building ache turns into a sharp pain as she tried her best to poof an unpoofable gem. His organic body screamed, his jaw clenched as he held back a yell trying to compose himself. A pink glow tried to build in his chest and Jasper grinned, grabbing his other leg in the same tight grip. She bent over closer to observe it; it would take just one little touch to send him spiraling and she knew what it took to break his composure.

“half diamond, half organic. I can’t believe that bag of bones and meat makes you so pathetic...” she hissed in his face waiting for the bomb to drop. She has since grown to disagree with this statement, having seen the power he possesses, in that small organic meat suit he calls a body, but It was a sure-fire way to get him up to his boiling point. As expected, the words trigger him and his eyes snap open wild, anger and briefly hatred (perhaps not of her but for that words she spoke) flashed on his face as he let out a scream, almost a roar of emotional anguish. This was her new purpose; she was there to help him. Brilliant rose-colored light blinded Jasper, as it went off like a flash bomb overtaking the entire area until pink was all that could be seen other than both of their vague outlines in the light. One outline, without warning, sat up and his head came crashing into Jasper's face with an incredible force that rocked her frame and vibrated through Steven’s skull. This was a headbutt so powerful that it rippled through her light form threatening to poofs her, glitching her data bad enough to knock her off balance and force her onto the forest floor as the pink light started to clear. She almost worried that her gem has been cracked with how thoroughly disoriented she felt, but as she sat down and allowed some moments to pass the sheer feeling of exhilaration started to take over and soft laughter slipped through her lips. She looked down at her glitching form, watching it settle, the fibers of her being knitting back together as Steven's corrupting scream left her ears and is forgotten. When her form finally stopped glitching the laughter became louder, she loved their battles, and the more dangerous they felt the better.

Steven was finally sitting up breathing heavily trying to compose himself as he rubbed at his face slapping his cheeks to return feeling to his flesh. He was trying to ground himself, the stress of the day drained from his body, and by the laughter, he could hear from Jasper he knew that she had gotten her fix for the week. They both felt better but…. he just wished she had not been so reckless. He rubbed his face harder which was sore. 

He felt better but he knew he had to scold her, “D-darn it, Jasper! That was really dangerous, you could have gotten hurt.” He whined as he stood up wobbling on his feet, as he walked toward her.

"If I didn't break the rule it is fair game." She chuckled shaking her head. She pats the ground next to her, grinning wide ready for the second half of their little ritual to begin. She was always in a good mood afterward, “A fight is only fun when both sides’ put their whole body into it. You were holding back and you know I HATE when you pretend to be weak.”

"Funny, didn't you say training wasn't meant to be fun?" Steven dragged his hands down his face looking exasperated and he peaked down at his watch, knowing he was going to be late, knowing it’s going to set off his whole day if he stayed but he lets out a tired breath as he crossed lunch off his list of things to do today. He joined her near the rock pile and sat down, “I wasn’t pretending to be weak. I was trying to…I don’t know build suspense? Or maybe I was just trying to make sure I didn’t crack your face.” He let out a dry laugh as he moved closer to her and started rummaging through his bag looking for the bagel box.

“I don’t see why you think you have to. I’m a Jasper, not a pearl. I don’t need to be protected. Besides you have the ability to heal it if things go to far.” She said calmly as her hands came to rest on her knees while she watched him.

“That’s not the point though! I like this whole sparring thing but I don’t want to seriously hurt you even if I can fix you right after! That would be pretty messed up if I just let that happen all the time. I’m trying to control my emotions.” Steven sighed as he pulled the box from his satchel, and spread some of Lar’s special cream cheese on one of the bagels. He handed it over. “Okay I know you haven’t liked most of the organic food that I’ve brought you so far but I swear these are delicious. I’ve got friends who can vouch for it so try them. It’s called an Ubasti bagel and its space-themed. I think it’s an asteroid, but I didn’t have time to ask. It’s also Ube flavored, so not too sweet.”

“Control? Control? You know this isn’t about control. This is about fear! You fear that anger when you should let yourself feel that anger deep inside your form: Utilize it. You need to harness that anger inside you and use it to crush your enemies, controlling isn’t suppressing.” Jasper took the bagel as he handed it over and they both settled back against the rock pile to decompress.

Steven snorted and gave an unsettling smile, “Jeez thanks for the advice, Jasper. I get what you’re saying minus the whole destroying my enemies. I’ll keep that in mind.”

She sniffed at the bagel, making a mildly disgusted face as she took a few small bites, ripping it in an over-exaggerated way before she started to chew. “I don’t know what an Ube is.”

“I ah…. you know I don’t know what it is either. I’ll ask Lars next time I see him. Do you like it though?” Steven was buzzing excitedly hoping for a positive response. “I brought you a whole box if you want them!”

“They are better than the fry bits…” Jasper said with a shrug and Steven looked uncertain. “I know that for sure…”

Jasper had hated those, so Steven started to withdraw the box. “If that’s how you feel….”

She set a firm hand on the box before pulling it back towards her, “This stays here.” which at the very least meant she didn’t hate them; she wanted another. It didn’t mean she liked it either but the bulky woman seemed to enjoy exaggerating the crunch of the crust as she rips pieces off while eating. She did this and the two settled into near silence as Steven stared up at the sky watching the clouds roll by. This was comfortable and nothing felt muddled or too fast.

“I didn’t nick your Gem, did I?” she asked quietly halfway through the batch, flicking away crumbs while trying to look disinterested. Most would assume she didn’t care but Steven could sense her concern. A hopeful feeling blossomed in his chest though he was confused by the question.

“Um, no I don’t think so? Why do you ask?” Her face bent down to close to his, really not understanding personal space as she pokes a finger likely against his eye. Fresh pain bolted through his face and for the first time since the fight finished, he realized just how difficult it was to see out of his left eye.

His fingers gently traced around the socket and he groaned softly: his eye was starting to swell shut. “Ah shoot…”

“I’m only asking because I noticed some discoloration and physical distortion. I know you don’t have a light form but I’ve seen soldiers with mild cracks and this looks like…”

“NO, no don’t worry this is all organic. My Gem is fine.” He held his face looking annoyed. “guess I shouldn’t headbutt someone with a thicker skull than me.” He smiled trying to sound cheeky and Jasper snorted even though half the joke is lost on her. “I’m fine all it takes is a little kiss and my body will be good as new.”

He set a kiss on his fingertips tapped against his eye gently, wincing as the skin stung. Jasper watched and the two of them sat there a little longer in silence. “Was that suppose to do something?” she asked confused.

Steven realized that his eye had swollen shut completely. “Yeah yeah, it’s supposed to heal it like when I’m healing a crack in your gem or the plants or animals. Sometime when I’m too tired it sort of stalls. Let me try that again.” Another kiss at his fingertips, against his eyes. Still nothing. He licks his hand and is disgusted as he tastes dirt. He slapped his palm against his eye only to feel it burn. It doesn’t heal, “Oh no…”

“Oh no…?” Jasper asked curiously.

“Yeah oh no….” he groaned as he leaned back and pulled on his hair. “I must be more tired than I thought! I’m to burn out to heal!”

“That’s possible….?”

“Yeah, why do you think I was so worried about hurting you. My spit isn’t always a sure thing when I’m this burnt out” he messed up his hair ruffling the curly locks in frustration. “This is, ugh! Annoying, oh no this is not good I don’t have time for this.”

Jasper hesitantly reached out but her hand withdrew, not sure if there is anything she can really do for him and not use to this whole caring thing. Steven started rumbling through his bag. “Okay this is fine, it’s cool. I just need to put these sunglasses on and keep them on until I can get some good sleep…. maybe next Sunday and then it will be cool. Brilliant, fantastic. We are both good! I won’t tell them okay; this is mostly my fault anyways. Secrets safe with me. Okay gotta go. Business to attend elsewhere you know?” he laughed loudly but it just sounded off and dismissive: Fake. Jasper felt a mild unease hearing it as the boy started to walk away and she reached out her hand again, unwilling to follow him back into town, but she can’t shake the feeling that she will grow to regret not doing so.

* * *

The day is back to muddled, water was above his head and everything felt to fast and unfocused in his mind.

1030 hours: Tea time with Onion and friends

1100 hours: text Connie asking if she would like to go to lunch

(add event) 1115 hours: feel relieved when she says she’s to busy; Steven had already removed lunch from his schedule anyways. This text was just part of the routine, but he always felt disappointed with how often Connie was busy. He missed her…. he fell deeper into the waters. He just needed to get done with what he had scheduled, no time to think.

1130 hours: help build heaven and earth beetles a little home

1200 hours: place them inside (so cute~)

1230 hours: run back home to replace leisure satchel with work and school satchel

1245 hours: reorganize satchel for Monday’s classes

1300 hours: review class plan for Monday

1305 hours: make sure paperwork with Beach City has been properly filed so that gems can work

1310 hours: read gem essays on the grand opportunity of earth and third era homeworld

(add event) 1313 hours: notice emerging headache

(add event) 1314 hours: get up to grab an aspirin

1315 hours: reread homeschool essay

1320 hour: file…. school, essay

1330 hours: reread gem school essat

13,,,,

(add event) 1650: wake up because you’ve ruined everything

Steven found himself laying quietly on the floor, not sure how he got there but some information can be gathered while looking around with just his eyes. His chair was toppled over and he was lying next to it with his legs tangled against the wooden legs loosely. Water was seeping into his jacket, making his side feel cold while he blinked the heaviness from his eyes. The cogs are churning in his mind as he processed what’s happened. His body was aching terribly, the left eye burning deep in its tissue against the ground and his sunglasses were broken clean in half making them useless. That’s too bad, he liked that pair. Strangely the exhaustion he felt before has dissipated somewhat, _I guess that’s what happened when your body forces you to sleep_. An empty glass is on the floor, probably explaining why his jacket felt wet. Half the mystery was already solved so why doesn’t this prevent an unsettling panic from rising in his chest. It was because His paper was due tomorrow morning, he only had a few hours to work on it and so many things needed to be crossed off his list today to do it. He scrambled for his phone tripping over himself as he rushed to cross off appointments. Getting his paper finished seemed to be the most important thing in his life at this moment. No matter what, he’d be disappointing people today but disappointing his father would wreck his already fragile heart.

~~(cancel event) 1430 hours: Help Lapis with an art project, scavenge for junk: old barn location?~~

(Text Lapis: I know I missed hanging out, ill make it up to you. Are you busy Monday?) maybe he could skip his lunch break and look for interesting pieces with her.

~~(cancel event) 1500 hours: Armor fitting with Bismuth~~

(Text Peridot: could you tell Bismuth I’m sorry? I know you wanted to show me your new project but I lost track of time. Can we reschedule?)

~~(cancel event) 1530 hours: read ahead in the assigned book for literature class~~

~~(cancel event) 1600 hours: Gogle vegan facts~~

~~(cancel event) 1630 hours: -babysit- hangout with onion while his mother and father have a date night~~

(text Vidalia: I’m so sorry, sick. I should have texted you. I could see if Amethyst is free?) The lie wasn’t to extreme, Steven hoped she’d understand.

He found his hands shaking, stressed out of his mind as he fumbled around trying to rework the rest of his day to fix his mistakes. He stood up only to knock into his father. “Woah Steven, easy. Stay still for a moment. Your fingers were moving like fire for a second. Who yah texting? And why are you soaked?” the man feel at his jacket.

“Sorry dad I’m kinda busy. Can this wait an hour? I need to find my laptop, the paper is due soon. Wet? Oh, I don’t know. Think I might have fallen or something? I feel fine, but guess I knocked my water open. Sorry I’ll wipe it down right now.” He removed his jacket and started to wipe down the floor. “I accidentally fell asleep so I had to apologize for missing a few things while I was napping. I guess I’m pretty tired.”

His father looked concerned as he crouched down wincing slightly as he knees creaked. Steven’s eyes are covered by his hair. “You were so tired that you just…what…fell over? How long were you asleep? You didn’t notice the water soaking into the carpet?” Greg questioned gently, a clear worry into his tone.

“A couple of hours? Guess I needed it. Don’t worry about it, dad. It just happens sometimes; I have a lot on my plate right now,” Steven said casually like passing out was normal.

“That not reassuring, stuball….” He tried to keep things light-hearted but his smile was small and sad. He brushed some hair out of Steven’s face and his hand froze. “holy Shiitake mushrooms! Steven your eye!”

“My eye…eh?” his hand moved up to gingerly touch it, only to flinch and laugh. “Oh yeah my eye. It’s not that bad dad. Don’t worry about it, just tripped and sorta…. smacked my face on a rock while hiking.”

Greg threw his hands up, “don’t worry about it? Don’t worry! Steven your face is swollen!”

“Just the eye…”

“That barely makes it better. This is serious Steven! You’re hurt. Why haven’t you healed it up?” Greg sounded stressed as he just sat down looking over his son’s face trying to inspect the injury further. While checking for more injuries he might be hiding. 

“Like I said I’m tired. It’s no big deal but it’s kinda like…um…. I’m like the dondai I guess. My tank is running on empty so things are kind of puttering out right now. I can’t heal because I’m a little tired. Once I get a good night’s sleep, I’ll be able to just slap some spit on it and be good as new.” Steven started gathering papers from the floor, grimacing when he realizes water had been poured on the pile, ink bleeding through. “Or I could wait a week and it will be gone, gotta love being human am I right? Geez this is going to take me all week to fix up.”

“Why can’t you just go to sleep now? It’s the weekend, you’re young, and you look ready to keel over. I’m worried about that Steven….”

“I know I know, sorry. I’ve just been really busy. I can’t sleep just yet because I have a paper due tomorrow for class. It’s mostly done but I want to add a few more references just to make sure my argument is good. It’s a really important paper….”

“Steven, let me read it I’m sure its fine. I can look it over while you take a nap.” 

“Okay okay that’s fine, but maybe I can read while you’re looking it over? I’m behind on a book I. Where’s my laptop I can just…. oh no….” Steven paled as he stood up and steadies himself on the table. “Oh no oh no oh no….” he said in a mantra as he looked at his laptop horrified. It is wet, water puddled in-between the keys and the moments before he passed out start to flood back. It’s a simple few moments of him reading his paper, his eyes feeling strained and a pressure headache forming slowly. He feels a dizziness that doesn’t pass as he stands up to grab an aspirin and his water. He missed the cup completely, his arm bumping it over the laptop as his body fumbled and his legs tangled with the chair sending both toppling down onto the ground. This would cause a loud clatter that no one would hear in the empty house.

“Steven….?”

“My laptop….” Panic is spreading through his chest gripping at his heart, tight like its going to pop. “Oh, frick my laptop! Oh no…” he pushed the power button hoping the blank screen just means it was off or hibernating to preserve power. When It didn’t change Steven’s breathing became ragged. “Dad…. get the rice.”

“Get the…rice, why?”

Steven started to ruffle is hair in a stressed manner. “doesn’t that soak up the water? I need it to soak up the water right now! My paper oh god my paper is on here….” He chokes out.

“Steven take a deep breath you need to calm down for me buddy…” he said in a hushed tone. “Everything’s going to be fine….”

(add event) 1700 hours: take a deep breath

(add event) 1701 hours: realize you still can’t breathe past the knot in your throat

“FINE! Its not fine! I’ve been working on that paper for weeks and now my laptop is messed up! This paper is really important dad, it’s worth like 30% of the grade. I don’t want to fail! I need to send it in….” He is close to hyperventilating, struggling with every breath

“You wont fail, you’ve been doing so well in school. All As and Bs kiddo, you’re such a smart kid Steven….”

“You’re my dad! You have to say that!” he snapped as his hand becomes rougher, in his hair dragging through tangled curls messing it up further. “I can’t fail this paper though, If I fail it then I can’t move up to the next level and then all your money was wasted on me!”

“Steven…”

“I don’t want to be a burden…. I don’t want that…”

“Steven, I don’t think….”

“That you waste money because you have to!”

“STEVEN!” Greg shouted, his voice rising to almost jarring height startling his son. His voice slowly slipped back into a gentle tone. He didn’t like shouting, especially not at his son but sometimes a voice needs to be loud to be heard. “Steven….shhh. Okay that’s a lot to take in buddy. I just….okay…” Greg let out a breath. He has to play the role of a responsible adult, demanding yet kind as he let his hands settle on Steven’s shoulders. He made the boy look at him, he needed to be grounded now, in the moment. “Okay we're going to talk about this but I need you to do some things for me right now Steven. Right now….for you to. Understand?”

“Okay….”

“I’m going to get the rice and use it to salvage your laptop. Even if the laptop itself is damaged we might be able to retrieve your paper. It’s going to be okay. I’ll email your teacher and get you an extension on your paper but you gotta do something for me…”

“Okay…” steven’s minimal response worried Greg, was it because he was tired or because this was more serious than the boy would let on.

“I want that eye healed up.” He strokes his son’s cheek gently; the boy was almost a man but he was still just his little boy and no year on top of the other could change that. “The Gems told me when your powers are acting wonky there’s still a place to go that can fix you up. I don’t know much about it but um…. it’s a fountain? I think…. just go there for a few minutes…. take a sip of the water…. or…. splash it on your face? I don’t want you in pain. When you get back you NEED to sleep Steven. You’re starting to make yourself sick and finding you on the ground like that really worried me…. can you do that for me…?”

“Okay…okay I’ll go to mom’s fountain,” his voice was low and tired as he pushed himself to move past his father, heading towards the warp pad. Greg remained worried while watching his son. He shot a text off to Pearl; someone should check up on Steven soon.

* * *

That is how Steven was led to this moment, standing on the warp pad, feeling disoriented and lost while staring out at his mother’s grand garden. When he was a child, he wished he knew how to feel about his mother, flashforward to today and he wished he didn’t. His chest felt hollow here, his mind was empty as the water rose so high that he might drown. He didn’t want to go here, every muscle in his body wanted to force him to turn around and warp home but he couldn’t bear to face his father and returning home with his face still messed up. That would mean he’d have to see his father’s disappointment.

His feet stay firmly planted to the platform; his body was rigged as he looked around really trying to do what his father asked of him. It’s just hard though, being in this place, it felt worse than the painting lingering over them. This place was like…. that of a false prophet? She was nothing like he was led to believe as a child and now knowing what he knows he can’t even look at anything that reminded him of her. He tried to distance himself from those feelings, just for the moment at least, and forced himself to focus on the positive of the place, separate from his mother. He heard birds chirping, water was flowing in the distance (it’s the kind sort of water, not the water that worries him) while the smell of clean crystal roses lingered in the distance. The garden was so empty, it’s not blocked off from the rest of the gem world but so few visited it because so few know about it. Steven had considered showing the diamonds, they would love this place but the growing tension in his body proved that he would not be able to tolerate a casual visit to this place with them. He made his way forward like a zombie, his feet barely grazing the ground as he wandered towards the fountain of his mother’s tears and his fears. All he needed to do was dunk his face in and pull out. Then he could go home and sleep until his dad left.

When the fountain came into view Steven can only blink at it, seeing nothing but his mother’s visage. A weird sort of tunnel vision, pink is rising in his face for a moment before he forced it down locking it up for another time. He liked it better when he didn’t know how to feel about her. He felt hate and anger but he there was no one to direct that negative energy at, why fight a ghost of a memory? He didn’t want to feel that strongly about his mother, he didn’t want to think about her at all or feel anything for her. Sometimes he wished he could just be numb when looking at her face. His feet dragged him towards the fountain focused on the one task he had here, shoving his face into the water and heading home. 

When he reached the fountain's edge, he paused because an unconsidered factor has come into play--- that might just take up the rest of his already ruined day. Steven just now realized that he is not alone here by his mother's fountain. A frown set into a thin uncomfortable shape as his eyes came to linger on a strange body in the fountain. A small boy is floating in the water, blond hair splayed out on the surface like a halo. He’s dressed strangely, swimming in the water fully clothed and he didn’t even look like he cared as he leisurely backstrokes. He’s wearing black clothing, pants and shirt that Steven imagined would be terribly uncomfortable in the permanently hot weather of the green house like garden. Maybe that’s why he had taken a dip in the water? Beyond that, he’s seemed to be wearing a long crimson travelers’ cloak with white gloves that hid his hands. He looked so….out of place,surreal and baffling in his presence. Not long after that thought came to mind, amber eyes opened to look at Steven.

He found that he couldn't think, let alone speak as he stared at the strange boy. The boy beat him to it. “Who the fuck are you?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I may have gotten carried away. I'm just putting this out there but I am looking for a beta.


	3. Perfect Harmony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven makes a friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we have another long chapter, I tried to mostly go for a lighter tone in places but I'm still working out what being funny or warm actually means. Feel free to criticize or compliment; I thrive on comments, both big and small. I'll answer questions so long as its not a spoiler and remember I am still looking for someone to help me proofread and clean up my writing. I hope you enjoy the chaper~ I added a piece of art to zest up the chapter @strawbebe for commissions if you like it. https://strawbebehmod.tumblr.com/

Steven Universe was no stranger to cussing; Dogcopter: the movie had been PG-13 thank you very much, so he had heard the words once or twice in his life. Sometimes when he was younger, he’d be hanging out with the cool kid and one of them would let a word slip, followed by instant mortification at saying the word in front of him. People often forgot his age because of his youthful appearance, so the following reaction had always grated on him. Yes, he looked young but he was only a little bit younger than they were, so hearing the big _“F-word”_ wasn’t going to kill him. He had even hung out with his uncle Andy a few weekends after his father patched things up with him. The man was a bit of a potty mouth when fixing up his plane (you can only drop an engine on your toes so many times before letting out some profanity). So, he was no stranger to cussing…. but still, he was always surprised when he ever heard a cuss word in his vicinity. He himself never cussed, not even when he was angry or sad or excited or anything. These words were simply not in his vocabulary.

That’s why he was so taken back by the person in front of him. The boy was small, maybe a foot or so shorter than Steven. It was hard to gauge his age given his height and frame, was he 13? But his eyes looked so much harder and well worn by war, so much like Steven’s that it made him hesitate. Maybe the boy was 16 or older? Either way, he was a teenager and while Steven knew teenagers cussed, it startled him to hear the crass word slip from the boy’s lips so casually. He did not sound angry but the tone was demanding an answer with such confidence that Steven found himself faltering in front of the boy; he fumbled over his words.

“Oh, I um I’m Uteven Sniverse. No wait I’m Stevie Crewniverse. Shoot I meant Stephan Universe,” Steven felt his hands dragging down his face, was it because he was nervous or was he just that tired. Nothing falling from his mouth made any sense. He took a deep breath and sighed, smiling apologetically, embarrassed by his mistake. “Steven, just Steven because apparently my mouth isn’t going to work today.”

The boy slowly stood up in the water, coming to his full height, and just as excepted he only came up to Steven’s chest. He drew closer to inspect him; eyes critical as he looked the other teen over. He was sizing Steven up. Was he looking for a fight? Why would he though? Steven could not recall ever crossing the other boy before, so his intense demeanor made him uneasy. The smaller boy’s hair went from a halo in the water to something more like a wet dog, clinging to his face in strips. The rest of his clothing hung onto his small frame, heavy with water, as he pulled himself from the fountain. His footsteps flopped, soaked cloth dripping on the aged stone below his feet.

“Well just Steven, guess I’m just Ed.” Ed pulled off his jacket to wring it out, wrinkling his nose in annoyance. Steven was relieved not to have the stare directed at him anymore. 

He gave a smile, confused but trying his hardest to be friendly. The boy to his knowledge was not a threat, and anyone who was not a threat had the potential to be a friend if they chose to be one. He offered his hand to Ed, “It’s nice to meet you Ed! Is that short for something? Edmund? Edwin, Edison? Ed…”

The blond seemed uninterested in the frivolous _get to know you_ talk that Steven was pushing towards but he did answer the question without extending his hand. “Edward.”

“Cool name, so yeah I have a few questions,” Steven was a little disingenuous as he pulled his hand back, the nervousness building at the minor rejection. Its such a small gesture but Steven can’t recall the last time someone (a human?) rejected the idea of being friendly with him. Maybe his tiredness was just making him paranoid or maybe this person was not to be trusted; he needed to know for his sanity’s sake and the safety of his loved ones for the future. Maybe it was an over-exaggeration but it did not feel that way right now. “Why are you, In my mom--Rose Quartz’s fountain….?”

“I didn’t know it was your mother’s, just figured it was a fountain when I showed up and I wasn’t about to question it,” Edward said smoothly as he shook as much water out of the jacket as he could.

He had woken up in the fountain already soaked to the bone and getting out felt like too much of a chore. The water was warm, welcoming and any ache Edward felt was gone. So why should he get out? It was only upon Steven’s arrival that Edward remembered he had a purpose here, but Truth had not been forward with him; how he was supposed to go about this? He had goals here, that much he knew: find the boy that Truth showed him, and figured out what _‘a life for a life’_ meant in the context of his mission. 

Steven wasn’t exactly frustrated by this comment but the tension was building because not only did Edward not answer his question, his response only brought about more questions and the obviousness that he was holding back the truth. “You didn’t know that this was her fountain? There—there is literally a massive statue crying in the center right there.” He said holding back his irritation, trying to sound positive as he pointed to his mother, pushing any Pink feelings down.

“Oh, that’s Rose Quartz?” Edward said casually trying to comb his fingers through his long hair. “Yeah I don’t know her. Did she send you here or something? Like I said I didn’t know this was her fountain.”

“You don’t…. know…who that is?” he paused slightly as he looked around like this is some kind of joke. He was in her garden, he was in her healing spring. Steven was **mostly** sure this fountain was only accessible by a warp pad. Yes, Ed looked human, but why would he be here in the garden, why would he be in her fountain? “Um no she didn’t ask me to do anything. So, Rose Quartz…. you don’t know her?”

“Wait okay--- Rose, Rose? I might know a Rose? She wouldn’t happen to have like…. pink hair?” he made cupping hand gestures at his bangs, looking surprised, maybe he did know Rose! Rose Quartz could be a Rose Thomas for all he knew. In two different worlds, there could exist parallels. 

Steven perked up, though now he had to carefully consider the situation. “Yes, pink hair, dark eyes?”

Edward seemed excited as he smacks his hand down on his palm. “yeah! Okay, we could be getting somewhere.” Maybe she was a little older here? Fuck he couldn’t imagine her with a kid but…he could tolerate it. A familiar face was a familiar face and he could latch onto that. He looked over at the statue squinting slightly, it really didn’t resemble her but the statue looked well-worn down, maybe it was the wear and tear of age. “Do you have a picture I can look at? An old one? A new one? Anything. She must be pretty important to have a statue that big.”

Steven went rummaging through his work bag, he may have kept the _‘So you a have Pink traumatic stress Disorder,’_ named in poor taste, a pamphlet he was constructing to help Gems damaged by the war. Perhaps he was still a bit upset over the idea of Pink Diamond starting a war or everything else that came after. Either way, it had pictures or paintings of Pink and Rose, “here you go.”

Edward took it and sat on the edge of the water flipping through the pamphlet lazily. “heh Nah doesn’t look like the same girl. My Rose had dark hair when she was younger, the face is pretty different too.”

“So, no Rose Quartz, cool cool…. how about Pink Diamond?” He flips to the back of the pamphlet and pats at a painting almost excited. He didn’t look gem-like but…

“Um? Shit, is that a name?” Edward breathed out quietly before laughing. He mumbled under his breath, “And I thought sins were on the nose.”

“What?”

“what? Never mind. No, I don’t know her.”

Steven laughed, both stressed out of his mind and completely exhausted; if he did not know Pink Diamond or Rose Quartz, why was he here? On the other hand, he was also relieved; If Ed didn’t know Pink Diamond or Rose Quartz the stress and responsibility of being her son was lifted for one gosh darn minute. He clapped his hands and laced his fingers together before taking a deep breath, “Okay that raises about 20 more questions and I don’t know where to begin asking.”

“Mind if I ask a few questions myself?”

Steven grimaced biting his lip and gritting his teeth. “Um sure? Go ahead?”

“Okay so…. where am I exactly?” Ed says slowly.

There’s loud internal screaming in Steven’s head but he managed to maintain his composure with a smile. This was strangely the most focused he’d been all day, “You are in…. Rose’s Garden? We also call it a healing spring. It has a few names. How did you get here?”

“Fuck if I know, how did you get here?” Edward threw back annoyed.

The screaming somehow got louder without raising in volume and the smile looked strained on his face. “I used a warp pad. Did you use a warp pad, do you know what a warp pad is?” his tone almost sounded like he’s talking to a child, and maybe he was? The boy looked even smaller wet and out of the water, like a drowned puppy. Sure, he’d be a child with a massive potty mouth but it was still possible. Edward looked irritated at the tone, he was not a child and would not be treated like one. Sure, he didn’t know what a warp pad was but he wasn’t about to admit that now.

“Don’t patronize me….” Edward’s eyes narrowed into slits and Steven rose his hands up in defense clearly startled by how angry the child looked.

“Sorry sorry, I’m just trying to figure out where you came from. I can’t even think of how a kid got here by accident.”

Without warning, Edward lunged at him; Steven did not have time to dodge out of the way as the boy grabbed the other teen by his jacket. The two are nose to nose and Edward looked irate, “One, I’m not a kid, two…I dare you to say it. Come at me and say it.”

Steven was so confused almost finding himself unable to speak because he had never quite found himself in this sort of situation. “but you’re so small….” He shouldn’t be so surprised; he had been small…when he was younger.

The other boy goes off, “WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE CAN’T BE MORE THAN 90 POUNDS WET, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! I’M 16 YOU ASSHOLE!” a firm kick landed on his chest as Edward used Steven like a springboard. This move set Steven off balance and he fell backward.

Steven just laid on his back for a moment staring up at the warm sky, wondering where his life went wrong. Things were pretty good before cookie cat ice cream was discontinued. He let out a breath trying to stay composed as he sat up. Edward looked like he’s ready to fight him but after sparing with Jasper earlier in the day, fighting was the further thing from his mind. “I’m 16 to….”

This made Edward pause but he doesn’t leave his fighting stance. “Damn what did they feed you? you’re a giant!”

“I mean I always figured I was just average, but I guess I’ve gotten pretty tall though,” Steven laughed nervously rubbing the back of his neck, trying to defuse the situation and calm the other teen down. “Yeah I get it from my mom actually.” It’s one of the few traits he could share with her that didn’t upset him. He got up and approached Edward trying to shake his hand again, “look I think we got off on the wrong foot, let me try this again. I’m Steven Universe and this is my mom’s garden. Do you need any….”

A quiet growling, low and barely audible filled the area, drawing both of their attention. For the first time since he got there, Steven realized that the overgrown vines were blocking a path as if to hide something…. or preventing something from getting through. In the distance, birds dispersed and Edward, who had his back turned towards a wall of foliage, slowly angled himself toward the noise. He paled as the growling grew louder and louder, a beast drawing closer as if on the hunt. It was right behind the thorny vines. When the creature pushed through the plant life, the thorns tore at its form but left no real damage. Edward was met with a truly horrifying sight, there in front of him was an animal he had never seen before and would like to never see again. She was massive, a pale green color with evergreen splotches on cowhide thick skin; it clung to her beefy imposing frame. The monster was as large as a moose with three horns sprouting from its head, sharp and piercing like it could impale straight through steel. Her lower jaw protruded out with tusk-like teeth that cause drool to stream down her chin. Patches of uneven fur sprouted randomly from the body, matted and caked with mud. What disturbed Ed most was that this animal had no eyes, yet her body was turned towards Edward, kicking back a clawed paw about to charge. It reminded him of a fucked up Chimera but something deep in his gut felt like there was so much more wrong with what he was seeing.

Edward's voice barely came above a whisper, “What is that thing….”

“It’s a gem,” Steven said just as quietly, possibly to not draw attention to themselves as he slowly moved in front of Ed to block him off from the creature. There was an odd compulsion to protect him, “it’s corrupted, I don’t have time to explain that if you don’t know what that means but I need you to back up slowly towards the warp pad. I’ll be there soon; I just need to bubble her and take her home to heal?” he said lowly

“Like hell I’m doing that.” Edward hissed as he peaked over, trying to get another good look at the ‘gem’ as it sniffs at the ground, she was looking for something. 

Steven turned his head to the side and half glared at the other boy, “I’m serious. She doesn’t know what she’s doing right now, so she could be dangerous. You could get seriously hurt, so go to the warp pad!”

“No!” Edward said. “I can help…” could he though? He was without his alchemy and did not even entirely know what this thing was. Yet the boy was incredibly stubborn as he moved to stand alongside Steven much to the other teen’s visible horror.

“I have experience dealing with these!” Steven yelped his voice rising above a whisper and that seemed to draw attention. She clawed at the ground kicking up stone and dirt as a roar rocked the earth under their feet.

God, what wouldn’t Edward give to have his alchemy back, “I’m a quick study. What do I need to do to take it out?” his voice rose as he moved far away from Steven to confuse her. Suddenly the gem thrashed her head around before charging towards Ed with unreal speed. Edward had good reflexes, the monster did not; he was able to roll himself out of the way just in time to watch the creature ram into a pillar before tripping over herself. Both the pillar and the Gem crashed down, and she screeched in rage and confusion as her body rolled into other pillars while she tried to stand back up. A few things could be understood from watching that: it was fast but it had trouble stopping, sound seemed to be a drawing factor, and the monster’s eyesight seemed to be poor (given that it had no eyes) as it wobbled and looked around clumsily.

Steven glided forward bringing forth his shield, leaving the other party a few feet away briefly awestruck but less so than he had come to expect from other humans. Steven thrusted his shield up protectively. “We have to poof it.”

“Thanks, I have no idea what that means,” Edward shouted trying to draw the creature back towards him as he climbed up a set of vines tangled in the wall; the corrupted gem finally stood and came charging back at him.

“Cause enough damage, hitting, stabbing, whatever and its body just sort of explodes.” Steven threw his shield like a Frisbee, only to watch it bounce off her with no consequence. This did confuse the gem who swung around and tumbled over her own feet, her side crashing hard against the wall of vines. Edward threw himself down onto the beast and his hand clenched the fur on either side of her. He was unwilling to let go even as the monster hurled itself off the ground and started to thrash around like a bull.

“Get in the fountain, shout scream as loud as you can!” Ed yelled much to Steven's confusion as the beast bucked and kicked. Steven ran towards the fountain, landing in the water, he felt his eye heal but there was no time to celebrate. He turned back and watched Edward hold on tight with a burning fire in his eyes. The strange confidence warmed his chest, he could feel something rising in his throat bubbling underneath him, hot and strong but it was nothing he’s ever felt before. Pink heat rose in his cheeks and when he finally screamed it wasn’t in anger, but a mighty destructive ballad. Edward looked surprised, Steven looked surprised. The monster probably looked surprised but it's hard to tell without eyes.

It drew the attention of the beast and she started to charge forward again. Steven was so startled by the scream that his hand slap over his mouth, pulling out of the water in time to watch the cracking and shifting of stone. The base of his mother’s statue was shattered and the stone was sliding slowly forward tilting threatening to fall just as the creature jumped in the pool. Edward jumped from the beast’s back into the water just as the statue came slamming down on the gem. It poofs before their eyes and a peridot came falling into the water, looking harmless; Steven swam forward and bubbled the gem sending it home to fix later.

He breathed out quietly, drained and confused. “That was…. incredibly stupid. Oh man, what if my voice hurt you.”

“To be fair I didn’t know you could do that. I just thought it would throw itself into the statue and that would be enough trauma to knock it out. Watching that was just….a bonus I guess.” Edward was clearly impressed.

Steven ran his hands down his face, he had never felt so in the moment as he did right now. “I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to me; I have never really done that on purpose. I mean this wasn’t on purpose exactly but it wasn’t not on purpose. Does that make sense? Gosh, I don’t know anymore…” he laughed hysterically a little gitty because of his exhaustion and the adrenaline still buzzing through his veins. “I broke my mom…”

“Well, that sounds a little heavier than I wrecked a statue.” Edward looked over at the stone raising an eyebrow curiously while slipping his hands in his pocket. He gently taps her cheek with the tip of his boot. “Wanna talk about it?”

Steven wiped some sweat from his forehead and shook it off, smiling perhaps a bit to genuinely. “No, I feel weirdly…. okay with it? Is that strange? I don’t know. Maybe I’ll come back with the Gems later to fix it but I’m okay with this right now.”

Edward gave a curt nod before a low grumble startled both Teens into frantic head turning. It took a minute to realize the noise was coming from Edward’s stomach, a gurgling noise that made the boy chuckled, “Guess I might have skipped a meal or two…. I don’t really know how long I’ve been here? The fountain sort of distracted me for a bit.”

Steven nodded in understanding before hesitantly speaking up. Steven had lived in Beach City all of his life, for the majority of his life he never really met new people on his own. They had either known him since he was a little baby like Vidalia and her family or if he hadn’t known them forever, he was too young to remember meeting them. The one exception was Connie but almost three years ago seemed like a lifetime after all he’d lived. Making friends with Gems seemed loads easier than making friends with a new human. Guess he was losing his touch. “Do you want to go…. food or something?”

“Food…. like a verb?” Edward asked calmly while digging through his pockets and tugging the fabric out. A few copper coins slip out but not nearly enough for a meal.

“Ah geez no, food like the noun! Get food, get is the verb that I forgot.” Steven waved his hands wildly trying to correct himself. Gosh first he face planted in the sand and now he’s changing words into verbs that have no business being verbs. “Would you like to go get some food, with me. My treat?”

“ah well….if it’s free. I could eat I guess…” Edward said calmly with his hand stuffed back in his pockets. “How do we get out of here?”

Steven looked around; the place is pretty much in shambles. There are vines torn down from the walls, struggling to grow back upwards but they just whither on the ground. The vines were ripped from their home upon the Peridots charge forward. There were large craters in the dirt where clawed paws dug in deep just under the weight of the creature. Pillars and statues had been toppled over and smashed beyond repair. He sighed and tried to gather up the vines before leaving; he pulls them towards the fountain to heal them. Perhaps if they were a bit stronger, with a little bit of help from a friend, they could climb back up the walls. Steven looked back to Edward. “We just have to go to the warp pad and then we should be fine.”

“Cool cool, where is that again?” Edward asked while following him.

Steven led to way more questions about how Ed got here bouncing around in his head. “Okay. I don’t need to know; I don’t mind not knowing right now. Let's just go eat.”

The two of them move over to the platform and Edward stood mid-center while Steven stood behind him. Edward looked curious and vaguely suspicious. “You’ll see, I’m just trying to help.”

When the platform started to glow Edward almost stumbled forward in a panic, the glow so familiar that for the briefest moment he worried that he may have stumbled into a transmutation circle. His feet floated upwards and his body almost somersaulted as they were beamed up. Before Edward could lose his balance hands firmly set upon his shoulders, pushing him back down. Steven looked down at him smiling.

* * *

Steven never really meant to start eating the way he did; it began with the simple inability to get away from work to eat anything substantial. He’d be grading papers and pep-talking homesick gems, rearranging lesson plans and greeting new arrivals at Little Homeworld. He never seemed to have enough time in his day to really get away and go to Spactries or Fish Stew Pizza; even grabbing frybits down on the boardwalk became a grueling chore between all of his other responsibilities. Protein shakes just seemed so much easier to make, and they claimed to have the same nutritional value of a balanced meal so it couldn’t have been that bad, right? It took the Gems practically dragging him out of the house to get him to actually eat something. 

Then again maybe the poor habit started long before that. His vegetarianism was more an enactment of philosophy on his part, he did not like hurting animals or the thought of animals being hurt and after some deep reflection, it had seemed like the most sincere and personal choice for him. That was the main reason, still changing one’s life can come about with multiple reasons. While making the switch to a meatless lifestyle, the second thought in his mind upon sincere consideration, was actually a vague worry about his health. Not that he had been all that unhealthy, to begin with, his body seemed quite strong unless pushed to his limit. That was where his worry lied: what if was pushed to his limit and pushed past his limit? What if his current limit was not enough? What if his current body was not able to take increasingly brutal attacks? Spinel had made him BLEED. He bled, she hit him hard enough to bleed and she could have done so much worse. He needed more endurance, more speed, and more strength, so he cut most sugar and meat out of life with the unhealthy thought of ‘that together breakfast might mean the difference between outrunning an enemy and losing a limb.' Rationally he knew he was being dramatic, but sometimes rationality isn’t enough.

That’s why his current situation felt so strange to yet so necessary. In this moment he was eating dinner, a slice of pizza with some frybit, sitting on the curb with a boy he barely knew. Edward was a strange guy, small but impulsive, nice but easily angered. He managed to talk without revealing anything about himself but Steven felt oddly drawn to him as though he felt an inherent kinship. There were many odd little quirks about Edward that he brushed off while speaking to him; he did not seem to have much on him: no id, no wallet, no money. All that he had were the clothes on his back. One article stood out to Steven most, Ed's red jacket, a cross planted at his back with a snake twisted around it. The material was slightly reflective and the lines lacked rounded edges. Overall it seemed to be a finely made jacket that was one of a kind. What really got to Steven though was that the boy NEVER had pizza.

“No way you have to be joking. That’s impossible, I have never met anyone that hasn’t had pizza!” Steven said overdramatic, eyes wide with mock hysterics. “It’s like the best thing ever.”

Ed stared at the food in front of him, curious as he looked it over. “I mean I see cheese on here, there’s the bread and some vegetables, I think there’s also sausage on this? I’ve had all of the food right here. Just not together like this.”

“Oh, it’s way more than that, under the melted cheese it has this…delicious tomato sauce that has onion and oregano and basil, and I asked Kiki to put red pepper flakes underneath with olive oil. It’s so good! It's not even the individual items that make it so great.” Steven feels strange explaining this to someone, it seemed basic. “It’s like the ingredients just mix together in perfect harmony to make it way better than it was. Do you understand?”

“Well if you’re going to hype it up like that, I guess I have to try it then.” Edward snorted as he took his first bite, almost faltering as some of the cheese stretched and he has to pull back to break it. Still Steven was not wrong, not even slightly, the food was outstanding like nothing he’s ever eaten before. “Oh my God….”

Steven grinned wide, Jasper rarely showed she enjoyed the food he brought, so this felt like a real treat for him “See? What did I say? Don’t doubt me. I know how amazing Fish stew pizza is.”

“I’ll yield. This might be the best food I’ve ever eaten,” He took another few bites stuffing his cheeks and Steven laughed, he was laughing a lot today, more than he laughed in a long time. He took a bite of his own cheese pizza as Edward swallowed. “Yours seems pretty bare. If that’s because I picked out this supreme slice, sorry. I don’t know how expensive it was….”

“Don’t worry about it! It was…. maybe 30 cents difference? Not much at all. I’m just a vegetarian. I don’t really like meat.” Steven shrugs his shoulders.

“More for me then I guess.” It's only been a few minutes but Edward had already finished half his slice. “So, what are you avoiding?”

Steven looked suddenly surprised. “What? Avoiding? Why would I be avoiding anything?”

“Because you’re out here hanging with someone you don't know.” Edward said past a mouth full of food, his voice vaguely muffled. He swallowed and wiped his mouth on his sleeve, brushing a few the crumbs off. “Spending money on me, into the late hours of the night, that sounds like some serious avoidance behavior.”

Steven tried to smile but it showed up as a grimace. He let out a sigh, “So it’s really that obvious?”

“Sorta? Sometimes I just see these things. So, what are you running away from?”

“To be fair it's only 8 or 9 o’clock so it's really not too late. I’m trying to be nice since you helped me with the Gem back there, and you didn’t have much money so I thought buying your food would work out pretty well. Which considering how much you love it; I think it was a great idea.” He says with a cheeky smile. “Maybe I’ll get you another slice?”

“Hey don’t get me wrong I won’t turn my nose up at another piece but stay on topic,” Edward said firmly while setting his elbows on his knees, staring at Steven; he knew avoidance when he saw it.

Steven finally gave up and pushed forward with some hesitation in his voice. “Its…a lot that I don’t want to get into right now. Its super personal and it’s a long story.” Steven started out while looking up at the sky. “It’s hard to talk about you know?”

Edward does know, but that’s why he knows Steven should talk about it. “I get it. You don’t have to say everything. Just say what you want to say now.” and that’s why he knew not to push too hard.

Steven bit his lip and he looked at his phone, each event crossed out from the past few hours. It created this terrible feeling of dread inside him that constricted around his neck choking him, without air making him feel like he’s drowning. “I don’t have any time….”

“Don’t have time to talk about it?” Edward asked curiously.

“NO! I just don’t have time; I don’t have time for anything. Ever I just…. everything, I never have time for anything I really want to do anymore.” Steven set his food down and wiped his hands clean on a towel. “Everything I do, I have to do because I have responsibilities. I have school, I have work, I have obligations to make sure everyone’s needs are being met.

Edward pondered this for a moment staring at Steven, waiting for him to continue as the boy collected his thoughts. “There’s always so much to get done: the grading and finding reading material for the new gems so they can better understand Beach City and just…the whole world. If the reading material doesn’t already exist, I help write it or in some cases write it completely because despite living on this planet literally thousands of years my family say there are things only I can know.” Steven sounded frustrated as his fist clenched and his words start to wobble. “And beyond that I have other things I have to do. I have to nurse the gems back to health which wouldn’t be so bad if they all weren’t so rough with each other, every other day I have like 50 gems come to me saying ‘ _oh I’m sorry to interrupt your schedule can you lick me or can I have a kiss….’_ ”

Edward's eyebrow shot up beyond his hairline and Steven was quick to reassure him. “I have healing powers-- my saliva can heal people, and plants and other things. It’s less weird than you think. Yeah but regardless it takes a lot out of me emotionally. I want them to be more careful. If they can’t be more careful with themselves how do I know they can be more careful with humans?

“And don’t even get me started with School. I know my dad says I’m doing fine and I know I’m getting good grades but there’s so much work to be done and so little time. I still have an entire semester after this. Shoot I have an entire year after that. That's assuming I stop with high school and I don’t go off to College! I want to go though…I want to learn stuff and I want to be around Connie. She’s so amazing, she’s going to be so amazing and do so many amazing things. I’m scare of being left behind, I mean what if she outgrows magic and Sci-Fi and gets bored with it and decides that she wants to focus on just being an adult. I don’t know, I’m scared of losing her. I want to be able to come with her. I want to be the first-- first gentleman and hold her hand on the way to the white house and I want to stand near her when she’s sworn in. I want to sleep next to her and I’m so scared that she’ll leave me behind if I can’t try my hardest to catch up.” His voice cracked.

“I’m so tired, there’s so much to do, people need me and I need to be needed but I don’t know if I can be all that they need…” Steven said, the pink bleeding out of him, too tired to be truly upset.

“Are your needs being met?”

Steven stopped when his new friend finally spoke and he was caught off guard by the question. “What?”

“I asked…. are you meeting your own needs?”

“I mean I think so…I thought so.”

“Are you eating enough?”

“I try to. Sometimes I might miss a meal cuz I’m busy, but if I’m lucky my family will bring something for me, something simple to eat while I’m working. Or if they can’t I’ll make a protein shake and drink it while I’m on the go.”

“Do you like eating? Do you enjoy it…” Edward's words are mild as he waited for the response. His questions were rapid-fire at the end of each answer Steven gave. He had such confidence, and it seemed to trip Steven up every time.

“I…It use to. Lately, I’ve been having trouble enjoying it. I’ve cut out sugar because I want to be better…. I guess that is hard.”

“Do you get enough sleep?” even Edward can see the deep bags under Steven’s, and the slight sway sometimes in his step. He was exhausted and this was a call out.

“I…. guess not. It's hard with everything. I catch up every week though on Sunday. Or I try to anyway, even if I don’t sleep, I’m resting you know? I try but I gotta do better I guess.”

“Are you happy with any of this?”

At this point, Steven was getting flustered and confused as he slammed his hands down into the curb, partially pink and upset. He left little indents in the cement, “What is this? 20 questions or something? Why do you need to know so badly?” He’s shaking. “I don’t need to tell you; I don’t have to tell you anything.”

Edward remained quiet for a moment, minutes dripping away the momentary anger dissipating like fog. When the pink was gone from Steven’s cheeks Edward spoke casually to him with his hands in his lap, he was no longer looking at Steven. He hoped the lack of eye contact made it just a bit easier, sometimes its easier when you don’t have to admit something face to face.

“I’m not.” Steven whispered after a moment, unable to lie. “but I have obligations, I can’t put my happiness above the wellbeing of everyone else.”

“Would they want you to be miserable just for the sake of everyone else?” Ed asked calmly. “and if the answer is yes then maybe you need to reconsider your company.”

Steven stared down at the ground quietly pondering the comment. He loved his family, and his family loved him. He did not believe they would want him miserable, and he realized that he had never really explained how he had felt to his friends or family. Would the load be lightened off of him if he said anything? Would he even want the load lightened? He needed the validation that came with his help. He did not know the answers to these questions and going any further into the conversation made him feel uncomfortable.

“I didn’t mean to say that much, it sorta just spilled out.” He mumbled while playing with a loose thread on his jacket. “Gosh, I really said all that to someone I just met…”

“It happens sometimes.” Edward said smiling but he gave Steven a reassuring look. “if it makes you feel any better, I only understood about half of that. Other things just flew right over my head so your secret is safe with me.”

Steven chuckled quietly. “It kind of does, telling someone who is just…. disconnected from all of it helps a lot. You’re like this outside objective party. Plus, you only get to know what I tell you. I think I want more people in my life like that…is that weird?”

Edward shrugged, “You get to control the narrative. It does feel more…controlled, I guess. I’m not an expert. don’t look at me.”

Steven looked briefly at his phone; Edward stared at it curiously with wide wondering eyes. He ignores it, “Its almost 10 pm. I should probably…. I don’t know. Go home? My dad might be worried sick. I sorta just left him there saying I’d be back soon. Turns out soon is 3-4 hours later? Geez I’m going to get so much guff over this.”

“Sometimes you piss people off. A little yelling, a little scolding. People cool down pretty fast when you let them blow off steam. You’ll be okay.” Edward pat Steven’s arm which was oddly comforting.

Steven smiled and stood up, helping his new friend off the curb, “Thanks I needed to hear that. So where are you staying? We should do this again when I find the time.”

“Where am I staying? Well at the low low price of 3 copper coins in my ass pocket. I guess I’ll be staying on the beach.” Edward meant it as a joke, he didn’t have any money, he missed the days of his Military accounts.

Steven gasped and groaned, “oh no. of course you don’t have anywhere to stay…I shouldn’t have asked that.”

“It's fine. Do you know an Inn I could get to? I was thinking maybe I could offer some work, do the dishes, wipe the floors so I could have a place to stay while I figure out what I really want to do here.” What his purpose was in this city. What did a life for a life really mean?

“No, I don’t think so, Beach city doesn’t really get many people coming here. The closest place I know that has a hotel is Empire city but that’s super expensive.” He rubbed the back of his neck looking like he feels sorry for the boy. His eyes suddenly lit up. “Wait I know one place you can stay!”

“huh? For free?” Edward asked curiously as Steven started to drag him back along the beach.

“Yep! It’s perfect, a nice view of the ocean. Three square meals a day, so long as you make them. A fully stocked fridge, a bed…. sorta. A nice sofa if you don’t want the sorta bed. Great company! All for the low low price of nothing but some hospitality and friendship!”

“Oh yeah and where does this amazing place exist?” Edward looked somewhat amused as he felt his feet digging into the sand, unable to really keep up with the larger teen. He has a few ideas….

“I’m glad you asked my fine customer.” Steven grinned goofing around, its genuine he excited and he hasn’t felt quite so genuinely excited in some time now. He finally stopped in front of his home, at the bottom of the steps and he spread his arms wide open to show off. “Behold, Hotel Universe at your service. We have a nice loft bedroom, a bathroom you only have to share with one other person…. two if Amethyst eats something. I could probably set up a cot, we have a nice tv to watch whatever you want and amazing food. After you stay here you won’t want to stay anywhere else because not only is this the best hotel in town…. it’s the only hotel in town. It's not a hotel but that’s semantics. So, what do you say?”

“Guess I’m staying at the Grand Universe Hotel.” Edward’s lip quirked up into a smirk. “on one condition.”

Steven started walking him up the stairs. “Oh, what is that? Anything for you, the customer is always right!”

Edward followed him up and suddenly he was shaking Steven’s hand in his, with an almost iron grip. “Put Edward Elric on the bill.”

Steven grinned wider as he shook back, finally getting the boys full name. “Hard to have a bill when you own me 0 dollars and 0 cents but I’ll invoice you.” He laughed good naturally as the two open the door and the energy in the room changed. 

The lights were on but the room was somber and unbearably quiet, save for Pearl's light crying. It took a minute for everyone to turn towards him, and another moment for those in the room to react to him. He was startled to realize just how packed the house was, among the people who were there: his dad, pearl, Amethyst, Bismuth, Lapis, Peridot, and the most worrying Garnet was split into Ruby and Sapphire. Everyone moved to speak all at once as they rushed him, raising a strange panic in him.

“Oh, thank the stars we were so worried Steven! I went to the fountain and everything was in ruins. You were nowhere around and we were so scared!”

“You clod why didn’t you pick up your phone!” peridot glared but the waver in her voice that followed proved she may have been just as upset as the others.

“I tried to calm them down but they just wouldn’t listen to me when I told them you were fine. You are fine right?” there a vague nervousness that is weak in Amethyst’s voice. 

“Of course, he’s fine. He’s strong, he’s fine.” Bismuth ducked down low and whispered. “Your armor is done, tomorrow it will be fitted. You’ll wear it everywhere, you’re on thin ice pal.” 

Lapis gave an apologetic smile, “they’re worried because I mentioned I use to disappear like this and…. yeah sorry.”

“We were just so worried about you! And sapphy couldn’t see you…. not when we were together or apart and I got scared…” Ruby was on the edge of panic. “You were doing random stuff and random stuff leads to unlikely future so disconnected from everything else that we can’t see it anymore and I thought maybe sapphy could see if but she couldn’t and we couldn’t find you and.” She started to hyperventilate, tears falling from her eyes before Sapphire gently wrapped an arm around her. She spoke in a calm and even tone. “The fountain was destroyed and we could not see you. I could not see you. Whatever happened set us off on an unlikely path towards an unknown future…. we were…. worried for you.”

Steven started to back away from all the people in the room suddenly close to his own breaking point, all their voices sounded like they were underwater, as they melted together into a slurry of guilt for seemingly abandoning his family and making them worried. This hurt them, he hurt them and he didn’t mean to. The water rose higher and he struggled to breathe, all he could see was his father in the background eyeing him with intense worry as his distress mounted. His father stood up and started to make his way through the gems to save his son from his own distress. Before he had a chance to disrupt them, another voice rose from just behind Steven.

“EVERYONE BACK THE FUCK UP!”

This drew everyone’s attention and the room was forced into silence as Pearl covered her mouth clearly startled by the crass language. Perhaps the weirdest thing about it was not even that the language was used, but that it was used in Steven's presence. Amethyst started laughing, her eyes wide and her smile barely contained as she covered her face. For the briefest moment, she thought Steven had said it, what a turn of events that would have been.

When a small…child? Teen? Came stepping forward from behind Steven a whole new slew of question arose. “alright back it up back it up he can’t hear you all when you’re shouting at him.”

Pearl was the first to speak, after the initial shock wore off, and her suspicions got the better of her. “Who…are you?”

“a friend, who are you?” The boy countered back perhaps a bit too protective of Steven, someone he just met.

“I’m one of his guardians.” Pearl looked insulted, “A friend? A friend? I know all of Steven’s little human friends and I have never seen you before.”

“Yeah well maybe you just haven’t been paying enough attention lately.” The tone seemed strangely too harsh for the context, like it had deeper meaning meant to hit her chest hard. “I’m a new friend.”

“Well then I demand to know where Steven has been the last few hours, Was he safe?” Pearl barked and Steven swallowed thickly. He had not seen Pearl this mad in well…. never. He had never seen her this mad and he didn’t know why she was this mad now. “We have a right to know. We have a right to know if he was okay….”

“Well, it can wait.” Edward flared his nostrils and he looked up towards the stairs before turning to Steven. Edward hated authority figures, he especially hated those that felt entitled to your every move and respect when they did not offer the same, “you look like you need some sleep. Go upstairs. Set out a sleeping bag for me, catch a few Zs”

Steven put his hands up slowly in defense and started to glide along the wall towards the stairs with an uneasy smile. “sorry guys maybe I can talk about this in the morning?”

“No, Steven you get down here right now and tell me where you’ve been” Pearl whined, hating how out of the loop she felt. She hated how worried she was about Steven when he refused to tell her anything. “and why do you need a sleeping bag out…...?” 

“Oh yeah um…. Ed needs a place to crash so…. I sorta offered him a place to crash. This place, we're the place to crash.” Steven looked sheepishly as he walks up the stairs backwards to maintain eye contact. “So yeah, he lives here now, kk bye goodnight!”

“Steven, we have to discuss this! You can’t just let anyone live here!”

“I mean I invited every problematic gem in the universe into the house so….”

“Steven….!”

“PEARL…..!”

Edward snorted and this drew a snicker from Steven, perhaps getting a little too much fun out of this. None of the Gems had ever really seen him act like this, strangely immature, at least not for a long time.

“I mean it, Steven!”

“We’ll talk in the morning I swear! Just…. I need to sleep. I’m tired, I’ll tell you what I was doing later okay?” he tries to reassure Pearl with a smile.

The look made her falter. It was a smile she had not seen since he was a boy and the purity of it made her finally nod. “Okay but you better, you better tell us what happened.” She grumbled.

He waved her off, “Don’t worry I will. Oh, and Ed! You can wash up in the bathroom okay? I'll bring you down something to wear tonight and then we can clean your clothes alright?”

Edward did a mock salute as Steven pointed him towards the washroom.

* * *

The moment the door shut ed was left alone and the full weight of the day settled on his shoulders. He was exhausted by the day’s events, drained of his energy and he let out a quiet breath. His feet feel heavy, his arms seem to weigh more at his sides and what bothered him the most was that not only did he feel heavy but parts of him feel terribly numb. His leg made sense but his arms…his arms worried him, that felt all too familiar and there was a sickening realization brewing as he started to strip in front of the mirror.

First, his boots and then his pants, revealing a sleek gold colored automail underneath. This was not a surprise to him but he wished he could have his leg back. Then his jacket and his right glove, this his stomach dropped to his knees. Another set of sleek golden automail courtesy of Truth, perhaps this was what it meant saying he deserved something old in his life. He gripped the sink tight, the ceramic threatening to crack under his hold. Finally, the last glove came off and Edward was left more confused than he’d ever felt. Knowing the truth meant you knew nothing; embedded in his left hand was a glossy yellow stone, vaguely translucent with something trapped inside. Edward swallowed thickly and his glove was slipped back into place, to hide something he did not yet understand. 


	4. Who Are you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven tries to heal a friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still looking for someone to help proofread and adjust my work. If you are interested message me. Please comment and bookmark, I adore reading your comments. If you have any questions feel free to ask them, I will answer them unless they are extremely plot-relevant. Ask the question anyway, I might enjoy it. If there was a particular line you liked, tell me. I live to have my work complimented. If there was a terrible line...be a bit gentle; I need the criticism so I can continue. Sorry for the lateness, I'll try to be on time next week.

Connie Maheswaran was the most amazing person that Steven had ever known, and the universe could give him a lifetime to explain why, but it would never be enough. In his eyes, she was brilliant and ambitious, confident, and strong: all the things he’d once been and wished to be again. Steven loved to listen to her talk with passion vibrating in her chest, whether it was about something small like a book or big like politics; he still didn’t quite understand big stuff, but he tried to for her. He even started reading news articles to keep up with everything she said, though it was difficult to separate Ronaldo’s conspiracy news from real worldwide events when Gem stuff always seemed to melt the two subjects together. Sometimes she talked about space, explaining lore and the unexplored reaches of the cosmos. Sure, he could look these things up himself; he could even go to some of the planets she told him about, but somehow hearing it from her made those planets all the more special.

There were nights they’d go out into the woods, park the Dondai in a clearing, and lay on the roof of the car. Connie would half curl into his side, pointing up at the sky, telling him about Planets that scientists had never seen but were certain had intelligent life on them. Beyond the Gems, just life that lived and breathed and hopefully loved. She wanted to visit those planets one day, to see what no human had seen before. The most amazing words she’d say to him were _We_ and _Our_ ; _“We should go to Luyten, Kepler, everywhere and anywhere and show our world what we have seen. Wouldn’t that be amazing?”_ She was waxing poetic while making a point, an arm around him, making him feel warm, eyes optimistic at the sky. She knew how hard being half Diamond was for him, how inhuman other people had made him feel. She made a point in including him in her humanity. Half-human became nearly whole when they were human together.

Steven wanted to live all his human life with her, from the moment he saw her at the parade when he was a young boy, to the moment he met her on the beach. She was the first deep human connection he was able to make beyond his father, and every new thing he learned about her and every new thing she learned about him connected them just a little bit more. He could see their whole life ahead of them, though his side was blurring with so many unanswered questions. In a little over a year, he would graduate, and he would wait for her. In a little over two years, she would apply to Jayhawk University, hoping to get into their Political science or sociology program, and not too long after that, she would get an acceptance letter. Steven would act surprised and excited, but it is no surprise. Connie is brilliant, and she is amazing, everyone-- even snooty college people, can see that. Steven would put in his application and wait for it to get accepted or denied. If denied, then he had some backup ideas: state universities and community colleges.

He had no idea what he wants to study, but it has to be something adult: respectable so that Connie could look upon him with pride. He’d be there at her graduation, they’d drive to college in the Dondai, he might even give her a ring if she let him, and they’d live happily ever after for a little while until the next big threat; they’d face it as a team. The rest was a blur to him until it's time to make her dreams come true. He wanted to be there when she graduated college, went to law school, ran for government, ran for bigger government, became president? Steven Universe wanted to stand by her and sleep next to her for the rest of his human life: Steven Universe loved Connie Maheswaran, from their truest friendship to their shy first kiss on Homeworld, his love for her was perhaps the most certain thing in his life. So long as she would have him, he would have her.

Mortal things change and grow at an alarming rate, especially when you spend all your time with immortals. Change can be scary, and growing can be hard. This change was why he had anxiety over Connie, despite her saying she loved and cared for him, he was worried that she would one day outgrow him and he would have to let go. He would never be the thing that held her back; that was something he’d ensure. His unease was also why he was all too eager to let Edward into his life with so little suspicion. Much like Connie, though with a little less intensity, he reminded the halfling of his humanity. They talked so casually about things that weren’t Gem stuff, and it had been so long since he had a close human friend. Lars was not ‘technically’ human, Sadie and the Suspects were always on tour, Onion was too young to talk about some things. Edward was his age, here, and almost certainly human. Or if he wasn’t human, he was the most well-adjusted Gem Steven had ever met. Sure, he had his quirks, but they were just something they would have to get used to in the coming weeks.

Prime example, Ed’s clothing was still very strange to Steven, and the way the smaller teen handled his clothing was perhaps even more bizarre. The morning after their meeting, Edward had reluctantly agreed to have his clothing washed. The only exception to that had been his gloves, which he assured were perfectly clean, and he did not need to remove them. In the meantime, he would wear some other clothing in the house, though unfortunately, there was little in the temple that could fit him. Steven had to get creative, digging his old clothes out of Amethyst’s room. His old blue Jeans had to be rolled up and tightened around Ed’s waist with a belt, but he didn’t seem to mind. He seemed relieved to have the lose fitting pants. Ed was more reluctant to wear the red star shirt, and it took some convincing before the boy put it on.

When Edward first walked out of the bathroom, Steven understood his reluctance to remove his gloves. The shirt swallowed his body, but there were still five inches of exposed skin between the red fabric and his gloves. His left arm was flesh and bone, but his right arm was not. Steven couldn’t see much of the prosthetic, but it was clear that Ed was uneasy about the arrangement. Steven only gave him a sincere smile, patting him on the back before leading him towards the warp pad.

So, the two of them spent the day together in Bismuth’s main shop, upon the larger Gem’s harsh request. Steven’s small breakdown due to exhaustion and his brief disappearing act had not gone over well last night, and most of his guardians were forced into hyper-mother mode: all had a different way of dealing with this. Amethyst forced him to eat breakfast with her. Pearl was bundling him up in sweaters and scarves despite it only being 50 degrees outside (and like 112 degrees in Bismuth's shop), Garnet was trying to prod him into talking about his feelings. Peridot attempted to install a tracking chip in his arm so that they couldn’t lose him again, and Lapis only just managed to pull her back and convince her there were better ways of handling the situation. Lapis, for once, was the only reasonable Gem in his household.

Bismuth’s approach to smoothing out her worry meant focusing on a project; that project was finishing his new formal armor. Being the savior of the universe came with a lot of responsibility, including but not limited to uncorrupting Gems, relocating them if they wanted to go back to homeworld or travel anywhere else in the galaxy, protecting the earth, and going on diplomatic visits to old colonies, guiding gems into a new era. The Diamonds had been the ones to suggest that a new image would sway more Gems to join him; play up his savior role with the look of a regal knight to hook the masses. His sweet and kind demeanor would keep the people with him. In Truth, he did not like this idea; it felt too much like lying because fighting had played such a small role in the final battled between him in the Diamonds. It was love for himself, for his true self and all his imperfections, that had convinced White to change her mind. Still, he allowed the narrative to push forward and agreed to work with Bismuth to have the armor made.

He had to admit, standing in this shop, while Bismuth carefully fit the armor to his body, what she had made for him was gorgeous. It felt light against his frame, but as she tested her hammer against the chest plate, he knew that it was strong. He barely felt a vibration as the armor absorbed the shock and neither shattered or dented under her pressure. The grin on her face and the sweat on her brow, as she huffed away hitting against her creation, showed she was putting all her strength into the attacks, but the armor was still holding steady. By the end of it, the two were grinning like idiots while two other occupants lazily regarded them in the room.

“What is this make of, Bismuth? It’s amazing!” Steven looked down at his arm, and his eyes reflected at him in the beautiful, strangely colorful metal.

Bismuth let her hand glow, transforming back into her usual fist, clenching and unclenching to loosen the synthetic form. “I put a little bit of everything in it, it’s a personal alloy I’ve been playing with and perfecting for the last year. I’ve never had as much material as I do now, or rather I’ve never had as many choices as I do now. I can have metals from all over the universe imported. There are metals in this suit that earth couldn’t even dream of. I bet this suit could take a hit from a ship, and you’d stay standing!”

“Really!?” Steven’s eye twinkled brightly at the concept, but Bismuth grimaced when she realized she might have oversold her work. “What else can it take?”

She shook her head and held up her hands quickly, “Now, to be clear, I said _I bet_ it can take a hit that big. After the stunt you pulled last night, I don’t want you looking for trouble in this. This suit is for show and emergencies. You scared us last night, Steven. I want to make sure you’re safe.”

He flinched a little at the sincerity of her words, and he can’t bring himself to look up at her. He put on a smile, trying to look convincing. “Like I told the Gems this morning, I’ll come clean tonight, things have just been really….messy, I guess. Then that whole thing with the Corrupted Gem happened; I should have called. That was on me but anyways tell me more about my suit! How did you get the metal to look so beautiful?”

Bismuth is not stupid; she can see that he’s changing the subject, but she wasn’t going to push for now. “Oh, now that parts something sorta interesting, I used two earth metal to get that nice aesthetic: got me some copper and Gold to make the base color and then a little bit of bismuth…” 

“WHAT?!” Steven looked horrified as his friend patted him on the back hard and playful, the metal absorbing the blow.

“Earth bismuth, Steven. Earth bismuth, bismuth with a lowercase B. Trust me, it was weird working with it for me too, but the way color flecked through the copper as it does here….woo. You’re almost as good looking as I am.” She said with a smirk, rubbing her chin.

“I still can’t believe you made all this for me….” Steven whispered softly as he turned to a mirror to get a better look at the masterpiece.

Bismuth grabbed a cloth and polishes the metal, “Well, I can’t take all of the credit. I made the alloy material, created and shaped the outer plates, but I had help.”

He looked back at Peridot, who was running a system check on a primitive earth computer. She looked up at Steven and shrugged, perhaps a little embarrassed and humbled, “the modifications I made are simple. You needed a communication system implanted in the right arm panel to ensure that you could contact us if your human cellphone shattered or something weird. I installed a device to review your vitals, and if they rise or fall below a certain point, we will be informed of what level of danger you are in. No need to mention the thermal regulation system and storage capabilities.”

Bismuth grabbed his arm and twisted a hidden knob at the base of his wrist. This switch allowed the suit to fold in on itself until it looked like nothing more than a misleading gauntlet on his wrist. “You’re too modest, Peri! I’ve never had anyone modify my suits to do that! We make a pretty great team.”

“Yes, well, I’ve never had anyone create a material so perfectly conductive and malleable in its prime state yet so strong and hard upon its finished product, so…you should not think so highly of me without realizing your own self-worth. Plus, as Steven stated—the end product is very pretty.” Peridot’s cheeks turned a light green, vaguely flustered as she kept her eyes on the screen. “We do well together, I suppose…”

Bismuth maintained focus on Peridot as the two talked about their project while Edward finally steps towards Steven. His face looked a little tight, and he hadn’t sat down since they got there. Sweat was streaming down his exposed skin, and he looked uncomfortable. “So, is this…flirting or something because I’m not sure I know what’s going on here?”

“It’s just their thing, I think.” Steven grinned sheepishly. “They started working on little Homeworld together the last two or three years, Bismuth was making the buildings, and Peridot worked on all the tech inside. The product was amazing! Plus, I saw a little something between them, so I may have…prodded them into making this together. It’s as great as I thought it would be, and I think those two might do many projects after this.” He said the last part a little sly; Edward raised an eyebrow at that and rolled his eyes.

A little thrum of pain shot over the skin at his ports, and Ed rubbed his right shoulder, feeling a frustrating irritation and hot metal. Ed winced as he moves to sit down, moving to rub the place where his port met his leg. He couldn’t last much longer in a place this hot. The ache was not as bad as it has been in the past, his automail seems updated, but his human body could only take so much. Steven noticed this, and he crouched down next to his friend with a worried expression, “Are you doing alright, your leg looks like its bothering you. You didn’t hurt yourself when we were fighting that other Peridot yesterday, did you? Oh, just calling her Peridot might get confusing since I already know a Peridot. I’ll call her Crescent cus she looks like a Crescent moon shape….at least until I can ask what she wants to be named. Gosh, I’m sorry if I didn’t notice you were hurt! I was so caught up in my problems, dumping all of that on you, and then I didn’t even notice if you weren’t okay!”

Edward lifted his hands in surrender, the spill of negative emotions producing a headache, his loose red sleeves riding up to show off his automail a little more. “It’s nothing like that. I’m just sore, that’s all. It’s common when the weather starts getting too hot or too cold. It’s not freezing outside, but I can feel a chill coming. Inside this shop, it’s worse, though; the heat is really bothering my ports. You can’t control that.”

Steven moved down to the floor, feeling strangely young, just sitting with his friend. “No, I still should have been more considerate, maybe offered you one of my old coats or something. It would have fit you wrong, but better than nothing. It’s still in good shape; I use to wear it when I was a ki…”

“Say the K-word, and we’ll see how hard a big guy like you falls.” Edward eyed him, but the anger is nowhere near yesterday’s intensity; it is a mild annoyance at best. 

Steven chuckled; it felt good to laugh. “fine, I use to wear it when I was a young adolescent? Will that work?”

“I’ll allow it…” Edward’s eyebrow twitched as he senses the minor jab. “For now. But that would only cover my cold issue; heat is still a major problem when we’re literally around lava. It's such a pain in my ass.”

“You didn’t have to come….I could have done this quick, and since I don’t have anything planned for Sunday, we could have …hung out.” Steven mumbled shyly. “If it hurts you, you don’t have to be here.”

“Nah, I wanted to see what you were talking about. I can stick around a bit longer before this becomes a problem.” He patted at his arm, grimacing as he held back a hiss of pain and smiled. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay, if you mean it….” Steven was having a good time, and he didn’t want him to leave, because he liked the banter the two of them managed to share. It was playfully, sharp, and strangely disarming. “But I did mean it. I want to help? What’s hurting you? I’ve got healing spit, remember?” 

Edward seemed hesitant, but something in Steven’s eyes was reassuring him that he meant what he said, and after a few uninterrupted moments went by, he let out a tired sigh. He started lifting his left pant leg for Steven to see. The material is baggy enough that he’s able to roll it to the upper thigh and rest his hand on the place where his port and leg meet; his skin looked red against the hot metal. “Nothing can be done about it right now; my ports are just acting up because it’s a little hot in here. It’s just a real bitch to deal with. Once we get back to your house, I’ll be good.”

Steven was momentarily left speechless as he stared at the metal prosthetic, now knowing that the other teen was missing both an arm and a leg. Steven felt a swell of pity, and Edward looked away quickly as he started to roll down his pants again. “Look, I just wanted to show you so you’d know that it wasn’t your fault. My body is just a little fucked. Stop with that kicked puppy look already.”

Steven gave a sheepish smile, knowing he’d been caught, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything. I just…. I didn’t realize it.”

“Yeah, well, I usually make sure people don’t unless I want a dramatic reveal.” He waved his hand dismissively. “This was really anti-climactic. I hope you don’t mind.” 

“Could I ask how….it happened?” Steven whispered, but he quickly took a step back, worried that this question might be crossing a line. They had only just met, but it felt like they had known each other longer somehow. Steven forgot himself for a moment but was quick to adjust. “You can tell me, but only if you’re okay with it. Just because I like to spit up my feelings to strangers, I know it’s not for everyone.”

Edward let out a snort and leaned his back against the wall before lurching forward when the heat hit his skin. He huffed and shrugged his shoulders, rolling the joint slightly to loosen it up. It was starting to feel worse; thank you Truth, you glorious bastard. “It’s a real long messed up story. I might tell you another time if you’re good, but right now, you get the short, vague version. I messed up, I messed up, and the mess cost me an arm and a leg. It cost me a little more than that, but I was able to get some of the collateral back. I screwed up with a few people—a lot of people-- along the way sometimes because I felt I had to, other times by accident; some of that can’t be fixed. I try not to think about it.”

Steven's heart ached a little, and he was reminded of something he said a long time ago. “Sometimes, you hurt people…by accident. Y-you just have to try not to think about it.”

“Yeah, something like that.” Edward's eyes shifted away, as an odd discomfort rose in his throat, choking him. The moment was to personal, and to real; It made him want to run even with his ports burning. “I fucked up, and I try not to think about it.”

“It feels bad,” Steven said gently, and Edward was quick to snap his head up to look at him. There was a strange tightness in his chest that felt too extreme for such a simple comment.

“Yeah, so, what of it?”

“It’s okay to think about it, though.”

“What if I don’t fucking want to?” He sniffed harshly, turning his body towards Steven, scowling weakly, the discomfort morphing into anger. “Stop, don’t act like you know me. I could have done anything, so who are you to say that!”

“I guess because it’s the only real way to move on. You have to be honest with yourself about what happened and how bad it feels otherwise it just…lingers. I don’t know you, but I know how it feels to let things linger,” he set his hand on his heart, and he stared at the ground.

Edward remained silent, breathing through his nose unevenly. “I don’t want to feel that way.”

“It's okay...” Steven hesitantly set a hand on Edward's chest, something old and familiar meant to become new and comforting to someone else. “It’s okay….”

The moment is spoiled quite suddenly as Peridot broke from Bismuth, looking excited and curious as she made her way towards them. Her eyes were focused on Edward’s Leg. “Oh-my-Gold look at this amazing craftmanship. Bismuth, you have to come to look at this!”

Edward looked confused as she rolled up the cloth to look at his automail again. “Hey, some personal space might be nice. That’s a part of my body, you know!”

“Oh sorry, admittingly, I was so focused on how well made this….well limb enhancer is not the right word when the limb is not there to enhance, but this limb attachment is just so well made that I’m in awe looking at it.” She ran her hand down the sleek gold metal while Bismuth made her way over, looking curious. “The intricacy, these could blast my old enhancers out of the water. Bismuth, what metal is this made out of? I see gold, but I can practically feel out the small necessary pieces acting inside. How do you control them? Who made this? I have to meet them and trade notes.”

“A friend made it…,” Edward held his hands up as he started to stand even though his limbs ached, and all he wants to do is sit down and relax. “I’m not actually sure at this point. Look, I’m not in the mood to play doctor right now so, poking and prodding at my leg is just going to piss me off.”

“But you haven’t answered any of my questions. I’ll be thinking about these for days without answers. Please at least give me the cut and number of the Peridot that built these.”

“I don’t know any Peridots, now screw off.” Ed’s patience was wearing thin. “Look…I’m tired, so I’m going to head out…”

Ed pushed past Peridot, who looked shocked and perhaps rightly ashamed to have acted so insensitively to the human boy. Steven was startled by the sudden outburst, and he found himself briefly frozen in place. Must he choose between following Edward and sticking around to comfort Peridot? Bismuth set a hand on his shoulder and gave him a look, briefly peaking back at Peridot before looking towards the door that Edward just walked out. Bismuth could handle Peridot while Steven followed his friend. No one had to be left alone; Steven was able to make the choice that he wanted to make.

It didn't take long to catch up to Edward, and Steven was a little worried to realize why. It’s brisk outside, a little windy, and the sun is hidden behind clouds ready to rain or sleet. The extreme heat was replaced by terrible cold; the metal was rattled by the sudden change, making his nerves fray in pain. Edward’s gate was a bit off; he’s limping, and Steven can hear the heavy metal footfalls clanking against the ground with each step he took. How could he have missed it before? He sped walked towards Edward, who tried to speed up as well, but he’s unwilling to run ahead when his body hurt like this. Ed’s expression was neutral, but he couldn’t stop the physical urge to cry as tears dripped down his cheeks. While walking ahead of himself, a miscalculated step sent him tumbling forward only to be caught by Steven before his face smacked against the stoney floor.

“I’m sorry about that. Peridot’s great, she’s grown a lot since I met her, but sometimes, she can still miss the bigger picture.” Steven apologized softly, carefully helping the boy to his feet. The skin where his port met his shoulder was hot to the touch, but the metal was cooling and creaking painfully. “I’ll talk with her later, so she knows what she did wrong. She’ll probably come to you to apologize later too if that’s alright.”

“Whatever,” Edward’s lips were set in a sour snarl, and his nostrils are flared out as he’s steadied on his feet. Steven acted as a bit of a busy body started to brush off any dirt or dust that made its way onto his clothing, “I’m, It’s just been a while since anyone’s been brave enough to invade my personal space like that. I forgot how annoying it was to have anyone but my mechanic messing with my automail.”

“Yeah, again I’ll tell her, so she knows not to do it again but….”

“but what…”

“Do you need help getting back to the temple?” Steven asked, genuine upset in his voice. “You’re limping, and I can’t help but worry about you getting back.”

Edward pondered that for a moment while he took a few steps forward. His ports whined painfully, not unbearable but indeed not pleasant either. He could make it home on his own: it wasn’t snowing or raining even if the sky threatened to fall. His automail wasn’t busted or rusted; he wasn't sick or injured in any way. He did not need help getting back to the beach. Still, he was tired, and the sincerity in Steven’s eyes made him want help. Ed nodded his head without a word, and Steven wrapped an arm around his shoulder before slipping a hand between his arm and side. He lifted Ed slightly, just enough that each step they took together could be felt, but so little pressure was put on Ed’s leg that there was no pain.

“Just let me help you…” Steven offered gingerly.

* * *

Corruption can be a terrifying, traumatizing experience that Steven shuttered at the thought of. He had once spoken with Jasper, hoping that she could shed some light on the subject so he could better understand how to help the Gems readjust to life after corruption. He was too self-aware to ask his family; they often held back information to spare him the nasty details. He was also uncomfortable with asking other Gems because he couldn’t stand the idea of rehashing their trauma when they weren’t close. He and Jasper had reached a point in their relationship where these personal conversations could occur. The two of them sat down together after a fight, his back bruised, and his lip split, something she had surprisingly apologized for while they ate together.

He asked her while patching up his lip; eyes focused on a mirror in his hand feeling along the tender skin. Jasper was tight, she could handle the question, and he could think of a new way to help gems heal. The following silence had made him uneasy, and when he looked over at her, his stomached dropped at what he saw. Her massive form was curling in on herself, her chin resting on her knees as she drew her limbs closer, tight against her body. The look in her eyes was haunting, hollow to the point that his own chest hollowed out at her stare. He reached out for her hesitantly hoping to comfort the other Gem, but then she spoke, and he was chilled down to the bone:

_Corruption means one minute feeling normal, thought smooth, and calculations correct; you know your mission, you know your purpose, you know yourself. You can see yourself when you close your eyes and understand what it is to be you. Corruption acts upon a Gem, like how a virus corrupts the code in computer script; error error error your mind reads struggling to keep the shape as more code is erased or rearranged into a jumbled mess that doesn’t even resemble code much more than button mashing on a keyboard. Thoughts are no longer smooth; they are sharp and jagged slicing painfully through still existing uncorrupted thought, cutting up what’s left of your sense of self. It feels better not to think; it hurts less not to think. You might preserve just a silver of what’s left. Reasoning has gone, any plans you can construct, any strategy you hope to perform falls apart in front of you, and a strange instinct you have never know is what’s left. What was your purpose? What was your mission? You can’t recall anymore, and that scares you as you further fall into the hole. The final straw is when memories corrupt imperfectly, perception becoming distorted. You lose words, concepts, and the world around you becomes challenging to make sense of as you stumble around, forgetting what you are and who you are. You look like that because your code is so messed up that you become a mess on the outside, a form that you don’t know anymore. Lucidity is fleeting; frustration and intense despair are present when you know where and who you are. Anger and fear replace it when you have no idea what’s going on. I may have said I don’t owe you anything for uncorrupting me; I still don’t think I do, but….if I never have to spend another day like that because of you, I can allow myself to at least be grateful._

Steven never asked Jasper about corruption again after that; he did not want to cause her pain just to lighten the suffering of others. He instead focused on ensuring every corrupted Gem would be uncorrupted by him; that was why when he returned home, he helped Ed to the couch — allowing the teen to rest. Steven excused himself to the bathroom to attend to some unfinished business. He had not been able to help the Gem last night, due to his exhaustion and inability to heal things while exhausted. Beyond that, his mental state was a mess, even he could see that, but he did not want to trouble his family with that information. He could fix himself on his own and then fix everyone else.

Steven filled the tub, and a drop of essence from each Diamond was placed in the water. Steven held a little green Gem in his hand, holding the crystal up against the light and admiring how it was reflecting. It was shaped differently than his Peridot, like a crescent moon or a smile, but there was no mistaking that this was the same stone by another cut. She would, or he hoped, be very different from the one he knew, and getting to know her would be the highlight in his year. He placed an affectionate kiss on the center of the stone, something a bit more personal he had begun doing to ensure his essence made it into the healing waters, and finally, he placed her in the water, kneeling by the bath excited to see her emerge.

The Gem sunk to the floor for a moment, and Steven bent over the tub, slightly angled away from where she has hit bottom. A gentle glow emitted from the stone, and the glow grew brighter and brighter as a humanoid body arched out of the water without features as her shape took form. She ran through her forms, at first very angular and sharp with cornered edges, much like his Peridot’s old form; four or five of her styles were like that. Finally, she settled on something completely different, and Steven couldn’t wait to ask her why as he saw her hair come tumbling down onto her shoulders, no longer pointed and stiff; her limbs lengthened and elongated making her larger than the average Peridot. It took a moment for her form to settle, but Steven was mostly patient, he’d like to get to know her, and he didn’t want to scare her.

When her body finally formed, Steven felt a strange, anxious feeling settle in his chest as he looked at Crescent, but she didn’t look at him; she stared straight ahead. Most Gems came back, kicking and screaming, confused, and ready for a fight. This Gem in front of him was utterly still; no muscle in her body moved, not even in her face, which was blank. Her body was green but solid in such a way that Steven felt sick, just looking at it. Her form glitched and twitched threatening to disperse. Why did he feel this way when he looks at her? Why wasn’t her structure stabilizing?

A hand reached out hesitantly to touch her shoulder, and his voice wavered, “I’m Steven Universe. I know this might be scary, suddenly being in a place that you don’t know with someone you don’t know, but I’m just going to reassure you that everything’s going to be okay. I won’t hurt you.”

“She’s hurt.” The Crescent Peridot said calmly while staring at the other end of the tub.

“What? Who’s hurt?” Stevens felt himself go stiff as his eyes widened and he leans over the edge. If there was another Gem out there he needed to help, then he would help them.

“She’s hurt. She’s hurt. She’s hurt,” She started to repeat like a broken record form, glitching out of control, forcing Steven to step back suddenly as she stood up in the water. She reached out towards him. “She’s hurt. She’s hurt. sHE’s HURT.” She screeched at him, and Steven saw pink, panic and fear filled him as he summoned his shield and threw it right threw her neck, poofing the Gem upon impact; it imbeds itself in the wall as the stone tumbles back into the water. Steven’s breathing was uneven, and panic rose inside him at an alarming rate. He had never failed to heal a Gem, not since he was a kid, and never had he failed to heal a corrupted Gem in the bath. He must not have done it right; he must not have used enough of their essence or his. He grabbed the bottles out of his cabinet and uncorks each decanter before pouring all of it into the water. He then proceeded to put himself in the bath, picked up Crescent, and hugged her gem to his chest. His panic mounted higher, piling on his shoulders. He dunked himself and the stone under the water and waited, holding his breath. When the reformation began again, he sat up in the tub with a gasp, dragging in heavy breaths; maybe this time it would work, it had to work. His hopes were crushed as the same bright green, sleek haired woman appeared, and turned her head slowly to look at him. He saw the same blank expression.

“He lies, he lies, he lies, I want,” She said softly like a mantra. “She’ll die. She’ll die. She’ll die. I need.”

He held her; he was terrified and confused, not sure what he was doing wrong as his arms tightened. “I don’t understand…”

She twisted around in his arms, and her hands dug into his shoulders until bruises started to form. “Find her. Find her. Find her find…form” her structure was glitching again, but he realized sickeningly that her green was seeping into him like she was trying to fuse. If she was still corrupted despite the bath, then he would be corrupted and how would anyone be healed without him?

Tears of fear welled up in Steven's eyes as her hand moved from his shoulders to his face gripping so hard that he worried that she might crack his jaw. His arms squeezed tighter as he tried to get her under control. “I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!”

“HE LIES. FIND HER. SHE’S HURT. SHE’LL DIE!” she screamed in his face as they both start to glow. He didn’t want to fuse; he didn’t want to feel the way Jasper felt, his essence of self-twisted beyond recognition. His heart was pounding in his chest, blood rushing in his ears, drowning out everything as it becomes harder to breathe. A loud click at his wrist alerted him to the activation of his armor, and it suddenly unfolding on his body as she clawed at his arms, reaching for his face with that same blank expression. He squeezed her tight against the breastplate of his suit, not sure what he was doing exactly, but all he knew was that he wanted her to stop screaming. Steven needed her to be silent so that he could think and figure out what’s going on; she needed something beyond comfort, but he didn’t know what, and the screaming rattled him to tears. He did not know how to help, nor did he even know what was causing this.

He held tighter and tighter, shutting his eyes, so he did not have to look upon the dead expression; She did not scream or cry out as though in pain, so he wasn’t expecting her light form to abruptly poof and his arms to snap back with a sickening solid crack that rattled him back into self-awareness. He looked down at the crescent in his arms, the surface of which had made contact with his chest plate where a crack was traveled down the middle. It was not deep or shattered, but he had cracked her in his fear; Steven had hurt her. He shook in the bath, the water was cold, somehow chilling in the time he had stepped in, but he didn’t know when it lost the heat or how long he had been in the tub.

He pulled his arms back and stared down at the Gem. “I’m sorry…” he whispers, feeling sick to his stomach. 

He cupped his hands around her and formed a bubble while tears continued to lace down his face. He couldn’t tell anyone about this; he couldn’t tell Connie or his Dad or his new friend; the Crystal Gems couldn’t find out…

Because his powers were glitching, even if it was just his Healing powers. Something about him was wrong, and if they found out that he could no longer heal, what use did he have to them? The war was over, the battles were won; this and little homeschool were all that he knew he needed to do. He needed to be needed. His hands shook as he gently tapped the bubble and banished her into the heart of the temple. He would fix her later after he fixed himself.

The boy stood up shakily, drenched and dripping as he wobbled out of the tub and retracted his armor. His mind was going into a haze, trying not to think about what he had just seen or what he had only done in this moment of panic. His movements were slow, sluggish almost like he was moving through the water. He had grown to know that even when he felt this way, he was not drowning. If he were really drowning, water would flood his lungs, and everything would be over in a matter of minutes with his half-human lungs. This feeling dragged on, far past a few minutes, sometimes past a few hours, and it merely had the appearance of drowning. Steven felt the pressure of the ocean on his shoulders, pushing down on him, threatening to crush him at the bottom of the sea. Oxygen was always low; he was only allowed small barely notable breaths in these moments. If he breathed deeper or louder, he could hear himself; he did not like hearing himself; the sound was dulled underwater that did not exist. Sometimes it would be worse, it would feel like he was struggling, his arms flailing as he tried to swim to the surface, his breathing almost all panting and gasping and sobbing. He was lucky that was not what he felt in this moment, because he wasn’t allowed to feel that way in front of people. Edward was downstairs resting on the couch, and if the yelling hadn’t woken him up, then he was not about to wake him up sobbing.

Steven changed into something dry in the bathroom, still hazy as he made his way out towards the couch where Edward slept. He sat down next to the blonde, feeling numb as he took a seat. He knew he needed to ground himself somehow. Steven’s eyes slowly shifted over to look at Edward, the haze was hard, but sometimes he could focus himself if he could only just think about one thing. He listed what he knew about Edward and wondered what he did not know.

Edward was his age, 16 years old. But when was his birthday; was he younger or older than him? Edward had a Prosthetic arm and leg. What happened to him that he needed both? That question seemed far too personal to ask so soon, so he filed that question away for later. Edward's hair was yellow blonde, somewhat like hay or straw. Did he get that from his father or his mother? Where were his parents? _Steven could feel his breathing slowly evening out, growing deep enough to hear without anxiety._ Edward's shirt was red and so was his Jacket. Is his favorite color red? Edward wore gloves. Why did he wear two gloves when he needed only one? _Steven’s fingers lace lazily through Edward's hair as he stared at him._ Edward Elric did not have anything on him when he followed Steven home yesterday. Was his name even Edward Elric? _A few minutes pass and his finger brush some hair away from Edward's face, Steven is slow to realize that his ears are clear and he can hear even breathing from Ed._ He just met Edward yesterday. Why did he feel like he had known this boy all his life? _The sound strangely lolls him into calm relief and his eyes shut briefly, allowing his mind to wander into oblivion, either dissociating or falling asleep. Sometimes it's hard to tell which._

* * *

Homelife with the Gems has always been difficult for him, but he never wanted to be misunderstood when he told others how much he loved his family, everyone in his family from the Crystal Gems to the Diamonds. Pearl was like a mother to him, though he felt a little awkward to admit it, given his distaste for his own mother. He had felt this way for years, but he had never vocalized it, fearing that it might be taken the wrong way. _“Hey, I know I hate my mom, the love of your life but you know what, you’re just like my mom so yeah…”_ That wouldn’t go over well at all.

Still, no matter how much he loved her, they did have their problems; the strain of knowing she let him fall followed him some nights into his dream as it played on repeat the whole night through. She had apologized over and over again, he had forgiven her over and over again but it still hurts him. Pearl had issues, a lot of issues with Greg and Rose and Amethyst, but when he was younger, he was able to fix them all, and she was able to love because of him. He felt pride in that.

Garnet was also amazing, from her parts to her whole being, she loved him regardless of his flaws, and he never felt put out by her. She was like an aunt, a close aunt, that he had known his whole life and visited daily; a second mom, two complete moms that came together brilliantly in one package. He adored her, but even they had their problems. Often her advice was less than helpful, she looked upon him as though he were a child and not someone nearly grown. She rarely explained her reasoning or methods but when she was disappointed in you, you were expected to know why. She had problems with Pearl and even herself, falling apart in the most inconvenient moments that rattled the family. Still, he was able to fix her every time and bring her back together.

Amethyst was like an amazing weird older sister that he admired and looked up to, even if she was a little gross and sensitive. She was the most Mature Crystal Gem, trying her best not to push her issues off on him. Out of all of the Crystal Gems, she was the most human, the most like him with insecurities that echoed his own and made him feel understood; they were the worse Crystal Gems but at least they were the worse together. Amethyst had problems with everyone, even himself but just like all the problems in his life he was able to fix them. He was able to fix them…he just needed to fix himself now.

_Steven…_

Even when Pearl and Amethyst Fought

_Steven…._

Even when Pearl let him fall and almost let him die….

_Steven…..?_

Even when the Gems cracked or poofed

_Steven?_

Even when Garnet fell apart

Even when he had to be the adult when the immortals could not….he could fix everything.

**_STEVEN!_ **

Steven found himself starting out of his head with a rush, blinking slowly as his father’s face came into view. His hand rested on his son’s shoulder, shaking him and as Steven looked around lazily, he realized that the rest of the main Crystal gems were huddled around him watching him sleep. Steven straightened up a little bit and his bones cracked as he shifts into a more comfortable position. He was very careful not to do more than muse Ed’s hair, who was still resting soundly beneath his hand. His breathing was deep, and even, snoring wasn’t too loud: Steven smiled as he turned his attention back to his family.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” He yawned covering his mouth

His father startled like he wasn’t expecting the sudden answer. “I oh….uh I was just trying to get your attention but you just seemed really out of it Sch-ball…” His tone was laced with poorly concealed concern.

“Yeah, dude we were calling you forever, but you just kept staring off into the distance like some widower in mourning, longfully staring out her window like ‘when will my Peridot return from the Gem war.’ And you wouldn’t look at us for shiit-” Amethyst got elbowed in the gut by Pearl, and she grunted loudly from the ground.

She rolled over and glared up at Pearl. “for shittimwood or whatever. That’s the word I wanted to say right, Pearl?”

“Of course Amethyst, what a wonderful vocabulary word of the day,” Pearl turned to Steven and frowned. “regardless of words though she is right. You were not responding to us for quite some time, and it had us uncertain?”

“Yeah, your eyes were all open and stuff.” Amethyst peeled her eyes open with her fingers. “It was like you were sleeping wide awake or something. Did you learn to sleep with your eyes open because that would be so cool? Or is this a gem thing and you were body-hopping or dream watching when awake? Because that would be even cooler!”

Steven gave a sheepish smile as he rubbed the back of his head, still exhausted. “No, nothing like that. I think I just spaced out, that’s all. My head was somewhere else and I was just deep in thought. I didn’t notice you guys for a minute.”

The group exchanged looks with each other and Steven’s cheeks flushed as he realizes he’s said the wrong thing. Greg set a hand on his shoulder and tried to smile at his son, “If you say so kiddo…”

“So what are you guys doing gathered in the living room anyway….” Steven asked as he stood up and slid his hands into his pocket to retrieve his phone. Its nearly midnight and his eyes widened in surprise. How long had he been sitting there?

“We were hoping to….” Pearl bit her lip, worrying at it as her eyes turned to Garnet looking for guidance. Garnet adjusted her glasses, using her future visit to study a few options.

“Steven, we know things have been difficult lately….” She started and Steven put up his hand to stop her.

“Not yet. Give me a sec.” Steven picked Edward up with ease and hopped onto the second floor. When he returns, he flutters down onto the couch empty-handed. “Anyways continue…or we can try to get this done tomorrow. Tomorrows a good time….”

“It is already tomorrow because we started this conversation yesterday at 11:58 pm. Today is a good time to talk.” A shine flitters over Garnets eyes and she paused before taking a seat on the couch and gesturing everyone else to do the same. “You are getting very close to your friend Edward.” She spoke mildly while contemplating the new boy. “I don’t think I’ve seen you handle a human friend in quite some time.”

“I…yeah. Ed seems nice. I wanted to make sure we didn’t wake him…”

“I can see that, it’s a very good choice. We would have woken him up and he would have been exhausted in the morning. So tired that, while making a sandwich, his eye would have been stabbed with our spreading knife..”

Steven looked horrified as he leaned forward, “REALLY?!”

“No. That was a joke.” She lowered her glasses to wink before removing them entirely to look at Steven. “At worse, he would have been very cranky.”

Steven relaxed and leaned back in his seat. “Oh, that’s a relief.” His general exhaustion was catching up with him despite the full night’s sleep. “If there’s nothing else we need to get done, I think I need to go work on my Essay. Dad, I know you said it was extended but I really just want to get it out of the way if that’s okay.”

When he stood up to leave, Garnet set a hand on his shoulder and gently lowering him back down. “You don’t have to run away so quickly. I can see that so long as you put your heart into your essay that everything will turn out as it should be. We have more important matters to discuss at the moment…if you allow us?” she approached this calmly while extending the choice to go further with him.

“What’s the matter?” he rubbed his arm nervously. “Look if this is about the fountain, I can set aside a weekend to just go and fix that up. It only got wrecked up because a corrupted Gem attacked. I was a little reckless.” He avoided mentioning Edward; he couldn’t imagine what the Crystal Gems would say if they knew he endangered a human. 

Pearl scooted a little closer to Steven and her hands folded in her lap. “it's not that, Steven. Not exactly anyways. It’s more about how you’ve been behaving outside of your Gem work.”

“What? But I haven’t really been doing anything wrong. I haven’t really been doing anything other than schoolwork and errands around town, what could have I done wrong?” Steven played it off lightly as he chuckled.

Amethyst grimaced, running her fingers through her hair. “I think that’s the point dude; you don’t do anything. Haven’t seen you do anything in like….months? Except for stupid school stuff and Little Home school stuff which is basically just more school stuff. Then there are those times where you just disappear and reappear all happy and in a good mood and junk but you're also super banged up. That’s worrying….so yeah.”

Steven’s hands tightened. “what? It is not stupid, School is very important. I’m finally caught up to my grade level and I’m just working super hard that’s all.”

“Yeah, it is important, so long as you think it’s important.” His father smiled as he reached out to pat his son’s head. “And you put everything you’ve got into it, 110%.”

Steven smiled as his father affectionately ruffled his hair, “Yeah that’s good right?”

“Well yes and no...You put your all into everything you do kiddo, and I think that just…its swell. You’re a really good kid and I’m so proud of you. But…Its just….”

He pulled away from his father slowly, “But what? I’m trying my best. Is that not good enough?” he said a little defensively.

“What? No, no it’s not that. You’re just putting 110% into everything!” Greg said quickly, his eyes wide and surprised at how testy Steven was getting.

“THAT’S GOOD!”

“It’s not, though! There is only so much of you to go around. If you’re giving every part of you to everyone else, what’s left for you?”

“A high school degree and the satisfaction of knowing that I helped Gems who needed help!” he barks, pink rising in his cheeks. “The Gems need me and I need an education!”

“What good are you gonna be if you forget your own needs!” Amethyst shouted while throwing her hands up. “We’ve seen your schedule, Steven! You’ve got like 50 alarms set throughout the day. Who schedules times to breathe!? You do, and that shit is not healthy!”

“Amethyst!” Pearl shrieks at the crude language.

“Stuff it, Pearl, I’ll put ten bucks in the swear jar later. It had to be said.”

Steven was left quiet upon the discovery, and he found himself staring at his lap. The pink was fading away slowly, as the anger turned to shame and embarrassment. “I have to do it….It's important, and it needs to get done.”

Garnet crouched down and rested her elbows on her knees. “Why is that, Steven?” She already knows what he might say, but he needed to say it. Her head turned down a little disappointed, not in him, but herself due to his answer.

“You guys rely on me so much. Running a school is hard, and we need all the help we can get. Plus, there’s the stuff that only I can explain because I’m a human and a hybrid. You guys need me for this, so I needed to help you.” He said while tugging at his jacket sleeves. “You need me so I can’t just let you down, I do that too often.”

“Oh, Steven…” Garnet looked tired and sad, but no one can see beyond those eyes and know how deep it runs. “We do need your help with things but not as bad as we need you to stay healthy. I wish you had come to Pearl or me or Amethyst when you started to feel so overwhelmed. We may require your services as an important member of the Crystal Gems and as a human…but I never wanted it to be at the expense of your happiness.” Tears streamed down her face, and Steven jumped in quickly.

“It's not like that! I’m happy, I love my life. I love working at the school, and I love just being in school. Don’t cry, Garnet!” Steven reached out to hug her, panicking.

The tears kept coming and she shook her head, “We made you feel like this was required of you. You are still so young; we shouldn’t be asking so much of you…we shouldn’t force you to do everything.”

“You’re not forcing me to do anything, Garnet! I want to do this; this is all about what I want to do for all the uncorrupted Gems,” he hugged her tighter. “I want to do this, It’s just so…overwhelming? I want to take classes and I want to teach classes; I want to do everything I need to do but it’s just a lot….” Steven finally admitted. “It’s a lot of stuff and I want to do it all but I don’t know if I can. I’m tired….all the time. I’m hungry all the time, and you’re saying I’m giving 110% percent for everything but it really feels like I’m giving 50% for everything and nothing is turning outright. I just…..”

“You just what?” Garnet asked softly

“I just wish I could feel like I’m contributing and still feel…..not so exhausted all the time.” Steven finally said.

Amethyst drug her fingers through her hair slowly. “I could… teach your class on Change. Like I know, change comes way more naturally for you but I’ve changed a lot in the last few decades. Plus, you’ve got all those fancy notes.”

Pearl laced her fingers together in contemplation. “That’s not a half-bad idea, Amethyst. It might actually be a wholly good one. Steven’s dedication to his work has made things easier; I think I could teach his Human history course. I rather like talking about the past in a broader context outside of Gem history.”

Garnets tears slowly stemmed and stopped as she swallowed thickly, a smile came to her own lips. “I could very well take over your field trips. I know everything that could go wrong. I’m the perfect chaperone.”

Steven’s brow furrowed confused. “But then I’ve only got one class left? Being Human…I don’t get it. Don’t you need me?”

Garnet moved to stroke his face, “We do, but that does not mean we get to place an unbalanced burden on you. I know you adore your teaching, but you have other things you adore. Like video games, and taking walks, and making friends.” She turns her head towards his loft bedroom. “I think you deserve a break to explore some of your options beyond what we have given you.”

Steven's lips purse together uncertainly as his hands squeeze at his knees. “I….I don’t know Garnet. One class it just….it doesn’t feel like its enough. I don’t know what I'll do with most of my day. I mean yeah, I can hang out around beach city…but it will just feel like when I was a little kid. Everyone goes off to school, and I’m left here.”

“Come on dude, there must be something you can do other than pal around little homeschool like you do now. Isn’t there something you wanna do for you?”

“Something I want to do…for me?” Steven asked himself softly, the question hanging in the air. “I want…to go to school?”

“You lost me, buddy; you basically already do that.” Amethyst squinted at him. “is this a trick just to convince us to let you take all the classes again?”

“No. I mean…I take classes now but…” He looked up a little more confidently. “I want to go to school instead of just taking classes online. I want to go to a normal human school. With Connie and Peedee…and Onion. I think.”

Greg grimaced from his seat, “How long have you wanted that?”

“Since I discovered what school was when I was…um…13-14, I guess? I love learning and meeting new people and Conn……conventional modes of education. I really want to try it out, dad.” Steven's eyes were so sincere that it broke his father’s heart.

Greg smiled and let out a breath, “Anything for you. Gosh, my own high school days were so frustrating and full of teen angst and drama that I just…I never even considered putting you in school. The gems were giving you such a great education and you were such a smart kid that I didn’t even consider school until these classes. I’ll set things up kiddo, just sit back and relax. If I can manage it, maybe I can get you in a fancy schmacy school in no time.”

Steven smiled and ducked his head down, tears pricking at his eyes but he’s unwilling to show them. He sat up a little straighter and grinned wide for his family. “Thank you…. Thanks. I don’t know what to say otherwise.”

Amethyst smirked and stood up. “How about you say goodnight? Your bags have bags. I’m tired just looking at you.”

“Amethyst is regrettably correct. I rarely sleep and you’re making me….” Pearl yawned loudly. “quite sleep deprived. I think it’s all-time we went to rest in our rooms.”

Steven made his way towards the staircase. “I guess you’re right….two good night’s sleep in a row. Now that’s wild.”

“You should make a habit of it while you’re still young,” Greg smiled, stretching out on the couch. “I think I’m going to crash here tonight just in case you want something okay?”

Steven nodded as he walks up the stairs, “Yeah that’s fine, I’ll call you if I need anything.”

He made it to the top of the stairs before Pearl called up to him. “Oh, Steven, I nearly forgot to ask. You took care of the corrupted Gem correct?”

Steven stopped in his tracts, and his heart started to flutter in his chest. When he turned to look at her, a white butterfly was resting on the bathroom door. “Yeah, I’ve got her. I’m going to help her….”


	5. A Family's Love: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward breaks his automail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My skills to edit and revise are still lacking, beta please help me. Anyways this chapter is longer than I expected it to be, which is why it took so long. I also planned to extend it to another chapter which will likely come in one or two weeks. Please leave reviews and feel free to ask questions~ I thrive on hearing from the people who are reading.

When a Gem rises from their incubation, deep within the planet's crust, they emerge knowing their purpose. _Are Gems non-organic? Am I non-organic? What am I? Am I even human anymore?_ Bismuths claw their way up from volcanic, metal-enriched soil; they are massive and robust, falling just behind Quartz in their strength and stature. This strength is necessary for the erection of spires and colosseums, due to the dense material that goes into construction. Their limbs display metaphoric and malleable properties beyond the general light-form manipulation seen in most Gems; their hands can transform into a variety of useful tools such as hammers, pressers, and rotating clips. _My arm…can I still…_? Of all the Gems that can be disobedient to the Diamond Authority, this group seems more capable of disloyalty; this disloyalty is rectified through the use of a rejuvenator. Lapis are implanted near deep water because their mission is to Terraform the landscape of their colony. They lift the ocean off the surface and slice through mountains, caverns, and caves until all that is left is smooth uniform groud that upper-crust Gem's can walk upon with ease. Lapis are often assigned in teams of two due to co-dependency issues that affect mission performance. _Al…how am I suppose to do this without you._

Pearls are a curious exception in their creation, while most Gems need to be injected into deep solid ground or stone, this non-Gem takes a different approach. A few million years ago, a water fairing planet was discovered in the Kalarus solar system with a curious inhabitance; their exterior was hard and thick, and most Gems found it difficult to pry into them. It was discovered that if the proper materials were placed in these shells, that a Pearl may emerge. Pearls are gorgeous, a grand center to every room they are placed. If you give them a book or database, they can retain and access the information with just a keyword. They also make great entertainers: storytellers, singers, dancers, or anything else their Gem desires of them. Customization can occur manually with their owner or at the Reef _. It's so dehumanizing, but I guess they aren't human. Jeez I’m one to talk. Why act like she’s any less than the others?_

Peridots often emerge small and weak, due to depleted resources and olivine tenancy to form in small lackluster grains. It is necessary that this type of Gem be fitted for limb enhancers given the nature of their purpose. Peridots have more than one mission; they can be assigned to a kindergarten or placed on technician duty. They don't mind scorching environments, due to their curious formation near lava, and thus make the perfect candidates for technological assistance on new spires built by Bismuth. Peridots create all of Homeworld, every colony, and every new member in it; they fix nearly every technical problem. Due to their size, weakness, and plentiful nature, they are still disposable. _Why does this make me feel sick to read?_

Rubies are made solely to guard aristocratic gemstones such as precious Sapphires and fragile Ambers when full force combat is not necessary. If full force combat is proposed, then a Quartz soldier may be a better fit for the task. Rubies are often assigned in groups of three or five, depending on the importance of their mission: three for low-level threats (possible poofing?) and five for high-level threats (sure to be shattered). Their heat resistance outmatches that of a Bismuth and Peridot; if made correctly, this category of Gem can generate its own heat. A stomp of their foot burns away organic material with a five-foot radius of a single Ruby; water boils when in full-body contact, and a single clap can be so explosive that lesser Gems may crack. _I wonder where you are now, Mustang. Did you carry me home? I’m so sorry_. With that in mind, it has been discovered that heat treatment past their capabilities has proven to damage strength. Though it makes the Gem more lustrous, with a more beautiful color, this practice has been abandoned mainly due to ineffective outcomes.

Sapphires rise from frosted fresh glacier stone, only the best for a gem so precious. The energy they draw from their injection site must be of the highest quality and control, or the product may emerge off-color or of a poor cut. This classification of Gem is one of Homeworld's most significant treasures as their foresight can act as a great asset: crush a rebellion before it starts, pick colonies with incredible resources, and consider outcomes for various war strategies. While it is not common, some may display flaws, anything as simple as a weak emotional disposition or as severe as a permanent vision disruption. Soft personality can be easily corrected with a rejuvenator, but if the defect can not be fixed, then the Gem will be shattered, and her shards repurposed. _Fuck, that sounds a little harsh, what would they do with me?_ Sapphires, given their rarity and quality, have an extensive range of possible work they can conduct: advisor to a Diamond, General, and Thrinker. As they have fantastic clairvoyance, they can pick their part, and no lower status Gem may question their choices.

Quartz acts more as a collection than a single Gem category due to having two central Gems that spring from this classification: Jasper and Amythest. Both are well equipped for combat, with hard exteriors that do not easily poof unless their light form is damaged heavily during battle. This fact is why Quartzs makes exceptional soldiers for times of war. Jaspers are commonly injected deep in sandstone deposits….

 ** _Snap_** two fingers hovered over his head to get Edward’s attention.

“Hey, did you want Mayo or Mustard. I don’t think I heard you before,” A set of fingers clicked in Edward's face once again, startling him out of a thoughtful stupor. Ed was half lounged on the couch, while Steven smiled at him, now in view as he towered over the arm. “If you don’t answer, you don’t get lunch. Hey, whacha reading there….”

Ed sat up, rubbing his stiff neck, which had been set against the armrest at an awkward angle. How long had he been lying there reading? He waved Steven off and dragged his hands through his hair, realizing that the tie had come loose leaving his locks to tumble down. “Oh yeah, you were making food, weren’t you? Um, I guess Mayo? It doesn’t matter to me.”

“And my other question….?” Steven asked while picking up a spiral-bound notebook curiously; he flipped through the individual pages as the realization came slowly. “Hey, these are kinda familiar….”

“I was bored; the weather outside has been such a nightmare that I haven’t been able to leave. So I thought I’d do some snooping while you were away,” Edward moved to the coffee table and adjusted a pile of handwritten notebooks while ignoring a few opened tomes. “Just some stuff from your bookshelf, you guys don’t have a lot of print books written in Amestrian, but I found a ton of handwritten journals that I’ve been reading through.”

“This is written in English….well mostly.” Steven grimaced at what the notebook said, feeling almost sick while scanning his eyes over the words.

“English, Amerstrian, same difference. The point is I can read it without a headache,” Edward grinned up at Steven. “Consider this my rainy day activity that I’ve been doing for a week straight while hell freezes over outside. Better this than focusing on my aches and pains like an old man.” 

Steven snorted, a semi-crooked smile coming to his lips. “You know my old coat is still an option.”

“Your old coat can burn. My jacket works just fine,” Edward gruffed stubbornly as he flipped open another notebook. “Anyways, I needed to preoccupy my mind with something and this seemed pretty standard. I wanted to know more about you guys.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t think this is the best way to do it,” The taller teen flipped through the notebooks slowly, intensely concentrated as if trying to remember something long forgotten. His expression finally brightened as the journal slammed hard against the coffee table, rattling the wood with his discovery. “Wait, I remember this. Oh wow, I haven’t seen these in years!”

“What are they?” Edward peeked over his shoulder to inspect the open page and saw tons of scribbles sprawled on the lined paper with letters and words written next to them.

“These are my old study notebooks. When I was a kid, I used to be super excited about learning new Gem stuff, so I begged Pearl to teach me things,” Steven reached over and grabbed a softly glowing green book with similar scribbles across the cover. “I tried learning Gem Glyph when I was younger, but I wasn’t very good at it. Still, I was so excited that I filled up like fifteen notebooks, just trying to figure it out. See all these Red marks? Yeah, that’s the corrections Pearl had to make. I was so bad at this…but Pearl said I was getting better. She picked out this book to translate because the structure was easier for me to understand. It's too bad I stopped being so….ethusastic about it.”

Edward grabbed one of the books and some of Steven’s notes, letting his eyes scan over the pages. “Why did you give up on it? There's so much information stuck in these books, just waiting to be unlocked.”

“It….Its complicated, Ed.” Steven mumbled, hugging himself feeling cold, a sinking feeling threatening to overtake him. Had he left the window open upstairs? “A lot of those books are ancient and not really…true anymore. It makes me upset reading mean things about my friends and family when I know they didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Yeah, I noticed some of this looks like a load of horse-shit, I mean just look at how they describe Pearl?” Edward said with a mock bitterness. “But if you push that aside you can dig deeper and look for the truth — the origins of a Pearl, the construction of Gems themselves. There’s so much you could learn from these books if you sat down and tore them apart page by page. Besides, some of these books aren’t half bad….” He held up a pink pocket-sized notebook with messy Gem glyph written inside. “I don’t know Gem glyph well enough to read all of it, but from what I can read, this is about your family, right? They must really be something.”

Steven hesitantly took it, a ginger smile rising to his lips as he thought back on the earlier years before his harsh adventures in space. “This is my old journal…Pearl wanted me to practice sentence construction. It's not that great; the lines look all Janky, and the whole thing is probably out of order.”

“You know what could fix that?” Ed said calmly while leaning back, a print in one hand and handwritten notes in the other.

Steven eyed him uncertainly as he looked at the old pocketbook in his hand. “What?”

“Practice, practice until it's perfect. If it's never perfect, then practice until it is your brand of perfection.” Ed grabbed a sheet of paper and scribbled something on it while keeping his eyes focused on the script in his hand. “Your satisfaction with your work is the most essential part of this journey. Unless you desire to be the most celebrated Gem Glyph translator of all time; it's okay if you only make it as good as you can. So what if it’s a little Janky; don’t let Janky be the reason you give up on something you want to learn.

Steven startled slightly as his hands slipped into his lap, where he now held the little notebook looking bewildered. He hadn’t looked at these in years, but Edward’s words made him want to open them up and refresh himself all over again. Still, something was holding him back, moments in the past that twisted in his stomach at the idea. “I still need to think about this, Ed; I don’t know if I want to start this up again.”

“That’s chill; you don’t have to start up again. Not yet anyway, but do you mind helping me out with this? I’m a quick study, but I’m going to have some questions if you don’t mind tutoring me with this,” Ed kept his tone nonchalant while flipping a page. “I’m really interested in reading that book of yours. Somehow I think that whatever you’ve got written in there is way more accurate than anything these books could tell me. Because you know them best, don’t you? Well, teach me how to read; I want to understand. We can’t let a few bad words tell us there’s no value in this. So what do you say?”

Steven set the book on the table and turned fully to look at Edward, his eyes blazing like yellow fire. The intensity startled him for a moment, but strangely he felt a warmth in his chest that built up and burned into a similar passion. “I say, move over. We can learn the Alphabet by lunchtime.”

* * *

What is a mother? Is it the flesh and blood you are born from, deep within the womb of a woman? Is it based on biology and chemicals, driven by the mammalian instinct to breed and prosper? What is a mother’s love? Is it but the subconscious desire to see their bloodline continued, or even see the continuation of their species? Is the affection nothing more than the brain's release of oxytocin, and two people’s ability to bond from it? Someone so disconnected may think so, but Steven and Edward knew better; they have seen better. How can a mother be nothing more than someone you are born from when their blood mothers are gone? How can their love be nothing more than the desire to continue their bloodline when blood isn’t there? How can it be a kinship between those of the same species when even humanity isn’t shared? Motherhood means so much more than that.

_Pearls, or my Pearl at least, make an excellent mother. She is what I think a mother must be when Connie talks about her parents. She makes rules for me to keep me safe, she hates eating, but sometimes makes me food without asking, and she reads the No Homes Boys to me and does the voices just for the sake of theatrics. She even fixes my shirts when they tear during battle? That has to be what a mother’s like. I wish I knew what a mother was like. What would Pearl say if I called her mom? Maybe that would be rude. Would it hurt her? Would it remind her of Rose? Does she want me to remind her of Rose? I don’t want to hurt her feelings like last time, so I don’t know if there's a way to bring this up without worrying her. I want her to know that I appreciate everything she’s done for me, but its hard to tell what might set her off. I want her to be happy…._

Edward could relate to this deeper than he’d ever let Steven know, deeper than anyone but him was ever allowed know. His mother had died when he was young, leaving him with no one but his brother to call family, and this allowed more profound despair to develop in his soul. This idea of family being only by blood had led him down a painful path of ruin; he had lost an arm and a leg, Alphonse almost lost his life. For what? To bring back his at peace mother, because he did not yet understand that he had others around him who cared about him? He burned his home to cinders, thinking that if he had no house to return to, then he had no home to hold him back. It took him years to realize that family was not lost when the last of your blood was gone, and home is where your love lives. If he had realized that sooner maybe his life would have turned out different. If Ed had taken the time to appreciate what he still had, then he would have seen all the family around him: Granny Pinako, Winry, Den, even Izumi, and Sig. Sometimes he wondered what would have happened had he just let go and let himself grieve properly with his brother. Alchemy was still his passion; Izumi could have always been his teacher and grown to love the Elric boys regardless of their goal and perhaps even more so; they both could have healed together.

Edward and Alphonse Elric were both brilliant Alchemic proteges; they could have still been great alchemist beyond their years, and this would have drawn eyes towards them. Roy may have still seen a fire blazing in his soul behind his golden eyes, but the brothers' bodies could have been whole before him. Would he have lured them to the military? Or could another approach have been taken? Maybe their story could have had less trauma and more life experience, while still growing a family as firm as the one they made on their journey. Ed finally understood that he had family, and even now, in this strange new world, he knew he had a home that he was missing. At least his life remained in memory…at least he could dream of them.

Sometimes when he closed his eyes, and his mind is calmly drifting into a sleepy sea of thoughtless images, he could see a small butcher shop in the countryside. In his dreams, Ed reconstructed fantasies out of memories for his brother and him to share. The building is made of brick, with a simple sign above the store reading ‘Meat’; Izumi’s home is right next to the shop, conjoined and accented by a beautiful grassy yard perfect for children to play. The house is nothing special, with dull gray stone out front, but yet it feels so perfect to look at it in his dreams. Had Ed only been smarter, it could have been home.

They have a room together, a permanent space with books and toys, clothing hanging up in a closet, and Izumi has become so much more than their teacher, a fantasy that Edward has kept to himself. It was okay to pretend when the day-dream hurts no one. Edward and Al are walking back from the riverbank, signaled by a flashing light in their window that Sig had finished supper. Al seemed less enthusiastic to get home; his nerves frayed though it's not clear by what. Edward’s white shirt was torn clearly down the middle, from collar to base, and he too looked uneasy. They both had the same thought on their mind; _teacher was going to kill them_. When the flashing of the light became more insistent, the two boys picked up their pace and ran towards the butcher shop as fast as their feet would carry them. Izumi stood in the doorway, calling out to them just in case the signal wasn’t enough. She smiled brighter, a rare smile that reminded Ed so much of his mother that his bare chest hurt as he set his hand upon it. The two boys tried to rush into the house as quickly as they could, but their speed drew attention to themselves. Alphonse was allowed to enter the doorway but Izumi grabbed Edward by the scruff of his neck and pulled him back before he managed to step into her home.

“Sorry, brother, I can’t risk her wrath. I’ll save you some chicken, okay? Good luck!” Alphonse looked nervous and apologetic, feeling sorry for Edward as he twiddled his thumbs. That didn’t prevent him from running inside the moment Izumi excused him. “Bye! Don’t be to mean to him teacher. It wasn’t all his fault….I swear.”

“I won't,” Izumi called curtly while shutting the door in front of her. She blocked off the two boys. “Ed, Let me see your shirt.”

She turned the boy around, and Edward folded his arms in front of him, blocking something from view. It was childish, but he was a child after all, “Maybe I don’t want you to see my shirt.”

Izumi rolled her eyes, and with a firm commanding tone, she barked. “Arms down, Edward.”

A chill buzzed up Ed’s back, knowing that he didn’t want to make her angry, so his arms fell to his side, revealing a rip in his shirt down the front, nearly separating the two halves. “I’m sorry….”

She inspected the cloth for a moment, eyeing where the fabric tore and the unblemished skin underneath. Some of her anger dissipated, and annoyance set in. “This is the third shirt this month, Edward. I can’t just buy you another one, what happened this time? First, you were climbing a tree trying to get a cat for your brother, and then there was the time you provoked a goat into eating one of the arms. How do you always find so much trouble!?”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Edward ducked his head low, his teeth firmly clenched together. “Me and Al were messing around by the river, and I guess I got to close to the edge. It kinda happened fast…”

“Walking the edge….I….Edward, do you know how dangerous that is!” a bit of anger blistered inside her hearing his words. “I’ve told you how heavy the current is down there. You know what happened to the Johnsons' son, he was swept away last year. What in that thick skull of yours made you think that it was a good idea!?”

Edward bit his lip. “I was walkin’ the line showing Al something-- trying to give him a visual of that balance lesson you taught us about last week. I guess I wasn’t as balanced as I thought because I started going sideways towards the water, and Al had to grab my shirt. I didn’t fall in, but when he was pulling me back, my shirt ripped. Al cried a lot on the way home…”

A look of momentary pained panic entered Izumi’s expression like she was remembering something particularly unsettling, “I’ve told you to stay away from the edge, you stupid stupid boy! You know the dangers, it would have swept you away if you had fallen in and who knows where you would have ended up! You could have died, drowned.”

“I know, I was just trying….I wanted to show Al and I just….” Edward stumbled over his words, the panicked energy rubbing off on him, rising his own upset. “I wanted Al to get it, but I couldn’t think of a way to explain it better than you did, so I figured showing him would work. I was so…I was so scared before he pulled me back. My face was heading towards the water, and I didn’t know what would happen if I fell in. I was so scared…..I was so scared; I’m sorry about the shirt. Don’t be mad….” He lifted his head to look at her, and she saw traces of tears near the edge of his eyes. “I’ll do better just don’t be mad.”

His expression softened her heart, and she let out a sigh as she set her hands on his shoulders, coming down to kneel at his height. “Don’t cry, calm down; you’re okay. I’m not angry about the shirt or the river. I’m just as scared as you are, hearing that you almost fell in. The idea of the water taking you away scares me. If it looks like I’m angry, it is because I’m so upset that I don’t know how else to express it. That’s why you can’t go near the edge again because if the river took you I don’t know what I’d do. Do you understand?”

He rubbed his eyes, having trouble keeping his tears from falling, “Why?”

Izumi snorted softly as she wiped the tears away for him. “Why? You foolish child…. I thought you understood by now. Tell me, why would you be hurting if Al was the one who fell into the river?”

She drew him into a hug, and the boy's mind finally caught up with the situation. “Oh…”

“ _Oh_ , indeed. So you have to promise me, you can’t be so reckless, Edward. I can’t lose Al, and I can’t lose you. It would be like losing a part of myself, the heart in my chest, and the blood in my veins. You have to promise me you won't do anything stupid like that again? If either of you died, doing something dangerous that I couldn’t stop….well that’s on me.”

Her arms wrapped around him tighter, and he found his head resting on her chest, listening to her heartbeat. Heartbeats can sound so similar, and Ed found his own pulse settling down as she held him, “I promise….I won't do anything stupid okay? I’ll stay clear of the river, and I’ll stay safe for you. I’ll make sure Al stays safe too.”

Izumi pulled back and smiled with sad but hopeful eyes as she took a deep breath. “Good boy, now let's go fix your shirt. Then we can put it in the wash; It looks filthy.”

“Wah?! Are you going to fix it with Alchemy? I saw you do it for that woman who spilled ink on her wedding dress. I thought that was so cool!” Edward’s mood shifted, knowing that Izumi was no longer angry with him put his mind at ease enough to show his alchemic enthusiasm. She stood up and took Edwards hand in hers, it seemed so small, and Izumi was reminded just how young he was.

“That’s different Ed, there were time constraints and the moment was a special occasion. Not everything can be fixed with alchemy; that’s something you’re just going to have to learn.” She says, waving a finger in his face. “You ripped it, I’ll help you fix it with a needle and thread.”

“What, but then it's going to look all messed up!” Ed whined as he followed Izumi into the house.

“Well you should have thought of that before you ripped it,” She said, smirking down at him. “If it makes you feel any better it can be mended with red thread. There’s no rule that it has to be the same color as the shirt.” 

“Wait, really? You mean it?” Ed’s eyes widened as he looks up at his teacher with a childlike sweetness. “Even if it makes it look weird?”

“Yes, even if it makes it look weird.” She agreed with a soft smile.

Ed grinned with a bright shine in his eyes, words slipping out against his will. “You’re the best, mom!”

Her hand tightened around his when the words hit her ears, trembling slightly with pent up emotions. He looked up at her, seeing that her expression hadn’t changed, but tears were running gently down her cheeks. Ed was quick to correct himself, “Teacher, don’t cry! Did I say something wrong? I didn’t mean to say something that hurt you. I was joking around, I thought….you know you sort of act like….I thought...”

“Shut up,” Her hand moved to rest in his hair, musing it gently, and the boy peaked up at her through his bangs. “I’m not sad. I’m happy. I’m happy that you said that to me.”

He quieted himself and allowed her to draw her fingers through his hair. “Mom….” He tests the word again, allowing it to just linger there between them. “It’s okay…if I use that word? I know you’re not really but….”

“You’re a good boy, Edward. If you want to call me mom, I will cherish the word.” Her hand came to rest on his cheek, a thumb running over his skin as he looked up at her, and she looked down at him. The world seemed to glitch, her form warping ever so slightly. Her black braids tumbled down at her shoulders, turning bright and colorful before his eyes, her shoulders seem broader, and her hands felt calloused on his cheek. Resting on her chest was the most curious pyramid indentation digging deep into her breasts, looking unfinished like the stone was half missing. Scar tissue glowed white and furious against her skin before it dissolved away, leaving the space empty and her eyes glossy like glass. _“You’re a good boy…Ed….ward.”_

__

* * *

Edward jolted up on the couch, clenching at his chest with his left hand, heart hammering in his rib cage. He didn’t know what he just saw or what to think of it. All he knew now was that whatever it had been, wasn’t right. It was his teacher, but at the same time, it was not; she was there, but at the same time, she was not. Looking at the image burned into his brain, her skin had turned dull grey like death, making his chest feel tight, disgustingly tight, and scared like a child. Why did his teacher’s face make him feel this way? His brain had conjured up a gruesome vision, that she was one of _them_ ….but also not. She was broken, and he could feel pain inside her. In those final moments of his dream, he could not fix her and that desperation to fix her made him feel broken with her. His hand reached up, and he wiped his eyes, drawing his glove back to see small wet stains. He was crying, and he didn’t know why. Up until the end, it had been a happy fantasy, a memory he never had, a dream that he wished for. Why did his heart hurt thinking about it?

“You’ve been crying for the last hour,” A voice said suddenly next to him, forcing his head to snap over to see who was in the room. Pearl sat between Steven and himself, the larger boy was resting in her lap, fast asleep with a notebook on his chest. She was pleased to let him relax there while she fussed with an article of clothing. “You weren’t making any noises of distress, and despite the tears, you looked quite content up until the end. I didn’t bother to wake you up….”

“Were you watching me sleep?” Edward grimaced as he sat up to look at her. “That’s….really creepy.” 

“Oh Heaven’s no, I wasn’t watching you….I was watching Steven sleep.” She said casually, something metallic reflecting in her mouth. It took Edward a moment to realize she had a needle held between her teeth with string through the eye.

“I’m not sure if that makes it any less creepy but I’ll yield,” Edward rubbed at his face tiredly trying to get his body and brain under control. Breath in, breath out, in and out until his heart could calm down with his breathing. “Fuck…..why am I so wound up right now. It was just a dream.”

“….don’t swear.” She said weakly; her look was stern, but little heat rested behind it. She grabbed the needle from between her lips and moved it towards the cloth. “Would you like to discuss your dream? I had quite a few strange visions when I first started dreaming. Dreams are a way that the subconscious attempts to resolve issues weighing down on your mind; it helps to talk about them.”

Ed stretched out on the couch, working through the kinks in his metallic joints. His heart was finally even, “I don’t know where to start. I was just dreaming about….some family, that’s all. It was this nice dream until the very end. I guess I’m just a little stressed, so it messed up the last bit and scared me. You don’t have to worry about it, okay?”

She eyed him skeptically, clearly not believing him, but at the moment this was not her main concern. She looked like she was becoming vaguely irritable trying to push the needle into the thick material in her arms. Edward’s eyes shifted and he looked at the coffee table to see several needles, broken and bent out of shape. “If you say so, Edward.”

“I do say so,” Ed sniffed and folded his arms over his chest. A glint of gold shone in the moonlight catching his eyes and he found himself looking down at his automail with tired interest. Gold suited him, he’d have to thank Truth for giving him such excellent equipment. Still, staring down at the gold metal seemed wrong, not quite right as he raised his hand towards the sky inspecting the prosthetic. Oh…that’s why it wasn’t right; He could see his arm. **HE COULD SEE HIS ARM!** _Where was his coat? When had it been lost?_

Pearl seemed to be a mind reader as she tossed another ruined pin down on the table and pulled one from her gem. “Edward please take a seat, no need to get wound up like that. **_Sit back down_** , your coat is fine.”

He turned to tell her off only to see that she was holding his jacket up in front of him; the moonlight shone on the red fabric, glimmering slightly and reflecting into his eyes, forcing him to cover his face as he squinted in her direction. “How did you get that?! Why do you have it?”

She half noticed his distress and attempted to ease him. “You are a heavy sleeper; I was attempting to get you ready for bed by removing your jacket. I use to do this for Steven when he was younger. He was so…..easy to pick up and carry to bed back then. It’s silly of me I know….you just remind me so much of him even with all your differences…. you’re so….”

Edward's eyes squinted as he prepared for size discrimination. _You’re so small, Edward._ “So what….?”

“So….human, so fragile…” She said calmly, drawing her fingers through Steven’s hair, and watching as he leaned subconsciously into her palm. Edward’s muscles untensed as he listened to her. “I see a vulnerability in you that I feel in Steven, and I'm just…compelled to take care of you like I took care of him. He needed me back then…he still needs now though I don’t think he realizes it. I’ve come to understand human children need someone to be there long past their usefulness. Just because a child has learned to walk, and run, does not mean they do not need you when they fall.”

Edwards took a deep breath, the tension releasing from his shoulders, “You're really good for him.”

“Oh my, I should be telling you that Edward,” Her smile was sincere as she finally slipped the needle through the thick material of his Jacket. “Before you arrived, we were all so worried for him; he has been distant. I’ve asked Steven countless times if he wanted to accompany me to one of the ruins, to spend some quality time with me, like we did when he was a boy…and he brushed me off. Garnet attempted to meditate with him…ask him how he was adjusting, and he said he was fine, but she could tell it was a lie. A few nights ago, only a day after you arrived, he spoke to us about how he was really doing; I think it’s because of you. You’re helping him open up again, and that gives me something to look forward to. Thank you, Edward….”

Edward’s chest filled with a gentle warmth that permeates through his chest and settled there. “You’re welcome…” he offered quietly, still looking at his coat, it’s the only thing he can focus on without feeling tears welling up in his eyes.

Minutes passed in a gentle silence as Pearl hummed sweetly while sewing something into his jacket. The tune was so comforting and lovely that his eyes started to drift shut as he might fall asleep there while she worked. “Almost done….I think you’re going to adore this….”

“Hmm…” Edward mumbled quietly; his mind barely focused on her as he started to drift back to sleep. “yeah…”

She draped his coat over him, and strangely it felt different, heavier—thicker and softer against his skin. “I overheard you talking with Steven about your inability to travel outside, and I thought I’d be able to help. I found one of Steven’s old coats, and with a little bit of effort, I’ve managed to sew some insulation into your jacket. It was quite difficult, the material is amazingly durable, and the sewing pattern is something I’m not quite familiar with. I don’t know how many needles I ruined trying to push through it but it was worth it….”

Edward grunted in response, curling up where he laid and pulled the warm clothing around his body like a security blanket. “It’s warm….”

“I’m glad, consider it a gift from me to you for taking care of my baby.” Her finger grazed through his blond locks as he drifted back to sleep. “Come see me about this Gem Glyph in the morning…if Steven is your tutor, then I can be your teacher.

 _“Goodnight, Edward. Sweet dreams_ ,” He drifted back to sleep thinking of Izumi, but this time he did not wake until morning.

* * *

Learning under Izumi and learning under Pearl felt so drastically different on paper yet strangely so similar. Izumi was a harsh no-nonsense instructor who left Ed and Al on an island in their youth so that they might better understand the ever-turning cycle of life. She was loud and commanding, and a brilliantly useful interrogator with the ability to intimidate the most war-hardened soldier into pissing himself. Fear was her go-to motivator for her students, and punishments were swift and harsh when necessary. Pearl took a different approach while commanding the same respect; she was not meek in her words, but her voice had a softness that still carried across a room due to her firm tone. Edward did not fear Pearl, but he found himself worrying about the concept of disappointing her in the coming weeks following their first real conversation. Whereas Izumi punished, Pearl praised and gave them little trinkets in exchange for earned Pearl points. These points were handed out when either of them did anything particularly impressive during their studies. If Steven could translate a page to perfection, he would receive a pearl point; if Edward could write a paragraph in legible Gem Glyph, he would receive a point. This competition drummed up a strange but refreshing rivalry between them and made for an effective motivator to learn. One thing that both Pearl and Izumi had in common: to train the mind, one had to prepare the body.

At first, they started with simple exercises outside their classroom setting: races, target practice, and basic agility. Pearl thought she’d be training Edward from scratch, leagues behind Steven, but much to her surprise, the smaller boy refused to be left behind. If the two raced, Edward did not have to outrun Steven to win, he merely had to catch up for a single moment to use the boy's body as leverage to leap over him. Edward could not summon a weapon of his own for target practice, but she found that Ed was skilled in spear throwing. His body moved like liquid when she had him dodge attacks, and he barely broke a swear. He was not quite at Steven’s level, but the fact that he was close made Pearl wonder why? Why was a human his age so ready for a fight?

Even with this spectacular show of fantastic potential, it had been challenging to convince Pearl to allow Edward into the final training sessions preserved for battle; it was due to her unease about hurting him. It took reminding her that Connie came by every week for swordsmanship lessons to convince her that humans weren’t so fragile and if Connie could fight, so could Ed. Steven still avoided telling her about the incident with the corrupted Gem, he did not want to press his luck, but he did feel that if this went well, then maybe she wouldn’t mind knowing. So for the following three weeks, they trained daily, 1 hour at the table discussing translations and text then 2 hours at the stadium ruins to prepare their bodies just as wholly as they trained their minds. Pearl found herself watching the two with a glorious sense of anticipation because somehow watching a human fight without a sword, was mind-boggling. Edward did not fight with a sword or any weapon most days; he was looking for a challenge to keep himself from going soft, so he struggled with his metallic fist and foot while Steven stood by his side brandishing his shield. Edward went into battles against holopearls bare-fisted and ready to win.

“To your left,” Steven shouted, grabbing Edward's arm and swinging the smaller boy behind him just in time to lift his shield against one of their opponents. The sword of a Holopearl came swinging down, crashing against it with a reverberating ring. Her form glitched, but it didn’t shatter. Pearl had risen the stakes for this battle to see if they were ready for the next level. “You have to be more careful!”

“Yeah, I saw them, dimwit. Why don’t you check your flank before you worry about me.” There was no malice behind Edward's words; in fact, his voice is lighthearted and excited to play the game. Edward was quick to signal Steven to release him, and with Steven’s legs spread slightly in a firm battle stance, Ed swept under him, his left foot connecting firmly with her legs and setting her off balance. Holopearl came crashing to the floor where she shattered. “three behind you, one holo mega!” 

Steven turned on his heel to face the approaching threat, a mega pearl stood before him, followed by two knights ready to strike. He pulled back with one foot forward, twistings his body before launching his shield towards them; it spiraled on a curl. He heard the sounds of two pearls shattering away as his shield cut through them before circling back into his hand. The mega Pearl approached with her ribbon wand twisting into a javelin, ready to strike. The handle was held in both hands as she stabbed downward, making the ruins rumble and shake. 

Edward came rushing forward from behind, his eyes trained on the large holopearl in front of him, “Duck down and give me a boost!”

Steven trusted Ed’s judgment and he dropped to his knees, expanding his shield just as Edward landed dead center. “Now?”

“NOW!” Ed screamed as he was thrust up into the air, just as he kicks off with his left leg, sending him propelling towards the hologram. He raised his fist and, with his handheld high, brought it crashing down against the side of her head. She shattered upon contact as he somersaulted through her shards, and finally, a buzzer rang out across the stadium. 

Pearl was standing nearby, clapping enthusiastically, as Ed roll against the ground coming to a halt a few feet away. “Bravo! You two were fantastic, 10 holopearls in one session, plus a mega pearl. Oh, I thought you might have trouble with her, but the two of you were terrific!”

“I know! We were just so….in sync. It’s not like Connie but if I had to fight with someone and Connie was in school…..Ed is definitely top of the list,” Steven lifted himself from the ground and willed his shield out of existence, a grin plastered on his face as he walked towards Edward who was still sprawled out on the concrete. “Hey! Are you dead? I don’t want to peel your butt off the pavement, so don’t do anything for yes and give me a thumbs up for no.”

After a few dazed moments, Ed held up a thumb. “Don’t be a bastard when I’m doing all the heavy lifting. You block thing; I break them.”

“Hey it’s a team effort, I make sure the Pearls don’t stab you, and you break them into bits for me, Besides I took out two of then, that has to count for something,” Steven shook his head as he came to crouch down next to his friend’s prone form. “So, what's the damage? You’re talking, so that’s good…..no concussion like last week. Is there anything that my super spit can fix?”

Steven let his tongue hang out, and a metal hand came to his face. Ed’s palm pressed to his forehead to push Steven away while he chuckled, “Jeez why do you have to be so gross about it. I don’t want you to lick me again. Besides, I think I’m fine; no scratches this time.”

“You’re so cruel, Ed. If you don’t want my puppy love, then I won't force it upon you,” Steven said over dramatically as he laid down next to Edward and feigned despair, resting an arm over his eyes. He rolled over to squish Ed against the stone floor, “I’ll just die, I guess, from lack of friendship and love. And you’ll die because you’re a stubborn son of a…”

Pearl called from across the stadium, “Steven….proper words?”

He laughed while looking up to give her a nervous shrug, “Gun?”

Pearl squinted her eyes, considering the word. “You’re on thin ice…”

“I’ll die because you decide to smother me, you baby,” Edward sat up and pushed Steven playfully, but he barely budged, only making the larger boy laugh more genuinely. “I’m fine, so I don’t need any healing kisses puppy or otherwise. Now stop being a big brat and help me up. I’m starved, and I want to grab a bite to eat before we go to review our lessons.”

Steven got up and bent down dramatically, nearly a bow to help Edward up--- reminding him of their difference in height, “Learn to enjoy a joke.”

“Won’t be a joke anymore when you lose an arm one of these days,” Ed grumpily groaned as he grabbed his extended hand. “I don’t care how clever you think you are, you damn giant. If I feel attacked by your ‘quiet’ small cracks, I will come for blood.”

“I’ll keep that in mind the next time I have to look down at you to speak,” Steven sang with a cheekiness that reached his eyes.

“Yeah, look me in the face and repeat it. I’m not above biting you. I play dirty like that,” Edward growled as he was hoisted up to his feet, ready to give Steven a piece of his mind. Before the rant could continue, his left leg gave out, and he almost fell to the ground only to be caught by Steven. “Fuck…”

Steven’s expression went from teasing to concerned, “I thought you said you weren’t hurt!”

“I’m not,” Edward hissed and looking down at his leg, attempting to twist his ankle and test the support. The prosthetic didn’t budge, it had gone limp under him though he found that the toes still moved. “My leg is being a bitch. A screw was probably knocked loose, and now the whole thing is dead weight.”

Pearl approached, looking uneasy, “is everything alright boys?”

“Ed’s metal leg is busted up,” Steven grimaced at her as he helped his friend limp over. “It won’t move, Do you think you can fix it?”

“I’ve never done anything like that before,” She kneeled by the boy and inspected his leg curiously, forcing his pants up as she tests the joints while pondering Steven’s inquiry. “I suppose if you allow me to remove the paneling, possibly take apart a few layers of machinery inside so I can reverse engineer…”

“Like hell, you’re taking my leg apart!” Edward looked horrified at the idea. “Oh hell no you are not doing that, what would you do if you couldn’t put it back together again? Where does that leave me? I’d be hobbling around kicking your drones butts, and then how would you feel? fuck that, no.”

Pearl looked exasperated as she ran a hand over her face. “Well…..I don’t see how we'll fix it at all if I can’t even open it up and see what we’re dealing with. I swear it feels like you want me to fix the problem without even touching it, and I don’t see how anyone could look at your leg and magically make it better.”

Steven suddenly turned to Ed, grinning while Ed frowned. “You don’t think….”

“No.”

“Awe come on. Its been a few weeks….”

“No…..”

“She said she was sorry….”

“Steven. No.”

“She’s been practicing her metal powers; she might be able to fix your leg without opening it up.”

“We both know she wants to take apart my limbs screw by screw. I’m not letting her near me….Besides what if she gets too excited and the panel tears off anyways.”

“Oh, I’m sure that won't happen….probably,” Steven gave Ed a sheepish smile. “Do you have a better idea?”

“I don’t know, anything but this?”

“Edward….”

“Steven….” He looked frustrated as he clawed his fingers through his hair. “You’re a pest; sometimes, I don’t know why I stick around you…drag me to the warp pad. Let's go see that stupid green girl.

“It might have something to do with the free food or shelter, but that’s just my opinion,” Steven’s won the battle, and his lips pulled back into an obnoxious grin. “Or love and friendship, those are pretty common answers around here if you don’t know what else to say.”

“I’ll show you love n friendship…”

“I’d like that, actually…”

“It was meant to be a threat.”

“It’s a pretty bad one then,” Steven dragged him towards the warp pad and kept a firm grip on Edward as they were ported to little Homeworld.

* * *

When Steven and Edward entered Peridots shop, she remained oddly subdued in her greetings, almost held back as she stayed seated at her computer, doing some necessary code correction. It was clear that she was rerouting energy in the district’s power grid, a seemingly stressful endeavor. Her eyes flickered to Ed and Steven only briefly as they entered her domain, but her hello had little enthusiastic drive behind. She seemed lackluster and upset, eyes focused on her screen, and it took a few minutes to realize that she was willing to address Steven but unwilling to cast her gaze towards Edward. Edward felt almost insulted by her neglect as he made his way further into the room, tugging away from Steven and using the wall to support himself. He sat down on a pile of boxes, looking huffy and puffy while Steven eyed him concerned. He made his way over to Peridot and gave her an award-winning smile hoping to put her in a good mood.

“Hey, Peridot, we were hoping you could do something for us….” Steven asked as he came around the side to block Edward from view. “We think we have a job just for you.”

There was some lingering skepticism in her eyes, “has your cellular communication device malfunctioned again, or maybe your portal computer is refusing to display on the screen as it was three weeks ago? I’ve told you before all it takes is a simple recalibration and software update.”

“Nah, sorry about that. It’s nothing easy this time. Trust me it will be fun for you actually,” Steven sounded hopeful.

“If its anything more complicated I think I may have to ask you to come back later. I’m swamped at the moment….trying to reroute energy to the communication hub so that Bismuth can make a call to sector beta….which is about 10 light-years away. She’s attempting to gather a special material from a dead planet, and this is all very complicated. If you don’t want me to cause a town-wide blackout accidentally, I suggest that you come back in a few hours.”

Steven looks up at the screen, half leaning against the cold surface of the panels. “It does sound pretty complicated, doesn’t it. Which is why you’re the perfect Gem for the job….this job and our job?” He said throwing her a grin. “I know you’re busy, but we were kind of hoping you’d be able to take a look at Ed’s leg. He messed it up during training, but he won’t let Pearl open it up. So I thought to myself….who can fix it without even touching it…someone who can move metal with her mind!”

She made a displeased noise as he encroached on her space. “Yes, I can move metal with my mind but I’m not sure I’m up to the caliber that you are suggesting. I don’t know how his limbs function, nor do I know the individual placement of any screws or the basic mechanics for this machine. Come back to me with blueprints and then we can talk. And you’re asking me to perform auto repair blind without dismantling the outer panels? That’s insane…”

“So, you won't do it…..?” Steven asked while casually giving her a side-eyed look. “Even if it means you’ll get a better look at his limb enhancer sorta autoarm thingies?”

“God Steven, so elegant in your speech,” Edward commented lazily. “Sorta autoarm thingies. That’s a new one.”

“Hush you, I’m _helping_ ,” Steven pouted stubbornly. “So, as I said, you’re not interested in them anymore?”

“I….did not necessarily say that….” Peridot pushed against the keyboard and rolled her chair away from the computer. “If this really can’t wait another few hours, I suppose I could take a look at it.”

Steven stepped aside so that she could make her way over to Edward, who sat on a pile in the back, “I don’t know where the damage is done, but I can move my toes, and I’m not in pain so it can’t be the nerve connection. Sorry if that’s not helpful. I don’t want things to be complicated for you.”

Her hands set on the side of his leg, and she concentrated. “It’s no trouble. My only concern is that I am not familiar with your equipment, so I could further damage it in my attempts to repair it. Steven has….to much faith in my abilities at times.”

“From what I hear, he has too much faith in everyone…” Edward blandly admonished while leaning his metal arm up against the wall watching her.

“But he’s usually right about most things,” Peridot said distractedly as she closed her eyes, trying to focus on the inside of his leg. “Maybe we need faith in him….it would save us a lot of trou…oh……OH!”

She cackled suddenly, startling Edward out of his mind before he tried to shift away from her. “ _Oh oh_ what?”

“I can….see inside your leg. Well, see is not exactly what I mean, but I can….feel it,” One hand shifted off of leg, while the other stayed firmly planted. “There are two loose gears in the joint mechanism, they’ve actually managed to wedge in a sort of V formation against the panel walls, and I can see an unscrewed bolt at the base of your thigh that has allowed an inner level enhancer to become imbalanced. No wonder you don’t have a leg to stand on, this one’s a mess inside.”

Edward slapped a palm against his forehead, “Fuck, it's that bad? She’d kill me if she knew….”

“Who?” Peridot asked, squinting her eyes at his leg, she pointed a finger against the metal, tracing slowly as she drew her pointer up towards the top of his join. There’s a careful but clear clinking of metal being moved.

“The….mechanic who made this. She’d kill me if she knew how badly I fucked it up,” Edward groaned, letting himself lay back against the wall feeling defeat push down on his shoulders.

“Now, don’t panic; this is….surprisingly easy to fix,” Peridot slipped from her odd chair to settle onto the floor. She pulled his leg into her lap, “Surprisingly none of the metal is bent out of shape. This material is a gold alloy clearly made for malleability, so you’re lucky that nothing twisted otherwise, I’d likely be unable to help you but….for all its complexity, the intricate wiring, and nervous system engagement….the metal work seems to be quite simple…a meemmorp like simplicity that I adore.”

“Meem-morp?” Ed is unable to comprehend the word.

“She means art,” Steven called out from the computer. “but who am I to correct something that makes her happy.”

Peridot was still fawning over his leg. “Whoever made this wonderful marvel of engineering truly was a master in her field.”

“She was….is….she’s good at her job, but that’s beside the point,” Edward waved her off distractedly, a blush forming on his cheeks. “Can you fix it?”

“You know this leg is incredibility durable. I don’t know how long you’ve had it but clearly it has withstood a fair amount of tear. The metal is almost perfect, but I can see a few spaces where it has had to be mended. Inside though….almost flawless save for a little wear. In fact, the wear on the pieces is defined enough that I can…carefully move the pieces back into the place where I can see similar wear against the haul. I can fix it….”

A smile sprang to Ed’s lips as the comment brought a sense of relief to the boy. He was nowhere near Winry, but the worry that she would find him had scared him half to death, “You’re the best Peridot.”

Peridot looked flustered slightly at the praise, her cheeks tinting green for a moment. She turned her face down to hide her embarrassment while working on Ed’s leg. “Yes, well, it’s the least I can do after what happened last time….”

Ed frowned for a moment. The last time he had seen her was almost three weeks ago, but it felt like longer, “Heh? Oh, wait yeah….when you were getting handsy with my leg. I remember that…..don’t worry about it. You apologized, I’m not mad about it anymore.”

“Yes, well….I’m still mad…” She mumbled softly, a little metal clink sounding inside his leg as another gear shifted into place. “I’m mad at me for what I did…”

“You weren’t….that bad. I might have overreacted because I’m not used to people taking a look at my leg as you did,” Ed rubbed the back of his neck looking sincere.

“The thing is….you shouldn’t be used to it. It was an inappropriate invasion of your space, and while I didn’t realize it at the time…speaking with Steven afterward helped me understand. I…upset you in a very personal way, and for that I am sorry…” Peridot’s voice is soft as she started to move the bolt. “I hope we can move past this….and be friends?”

“You want to be my friend?” Edward seemed strangely surprised as he looked down at the Gem in front of him.

“Indeed, my behavior before, though uncalled for was a bit….of a ploy. Your metal limbs, though impressive and noteworthy, were not what I was after. I do not know you Edward Elric….at all so I thought if I complimented a physical trait of yours with sincerity you might be willing to extend your hand in friendship. I liked your robotic appendages so I thought if I told you how wonderful they were that we could be friends. It was misguided but unmalicious. I have been on this planet for a few years now, but I am still learning. Though I interact with Steven regularly and at times visit with his romantic partner Connie…”

“PERIDOT!” Steven’s cheeks were flushed the most natural human pink possible.

“I do not know many humans…..I do not have many human friends.”

Edward stared down at her; she avoided his gaze while shifting the final piece back into place, tightening the internal screw. “Well, I guess you’ve got one more than…”

Peridot turned her head up to look into Edward's eyes, her own twinkling brightly with excitement. “You mean it? We can be friends?”

“Yeah yeah, we can be friends. Just ask if you ever want to look at my limbs again.”

The lights flickered while Peridot pumped her fist delightedly, before a slow quality shift. The bulbs seemed to become brighter, and the room starts to buzz quietly. The happiness Peridot felt was short-lived as she frowned and climbed back into her chair. When the buzzing got louder, her head snapped up suddenly, spinning in her chair to face her computer; Steven had been caught, his finger on one of the keys while he grinned uneasily.

“Steven…..”

“Okay, so I know you said not to touch anything, but I just thought….it couldn’t hurt anything. You did show me a few key commands when you built this place so….”

“I showed you some of the basics! This is far more complex, and I haven’t even shown Lapis or Bismuth how to engage with any of my control systems. It’s complicated, takes weeks if not months of studious commitment to the craft to reach my level of expertise!”

“Okay, I know you’re….just amazing with all this tech stuff, and you do so much work for Little Homeworld. I just wanted to help….what's the worse that could happen?” Steven laughed sheepishly.

The lights got brighter and brighter, and it became clear that the buzzing was coming from them. Suddenly a startling cracking noise sounded above them before the bulbs burst, sending them into pitch blackness. Peridot howled in frustration, “That….that right there is what can happen, Steven!” 

Edward snorted leaning his face on his hands calmly as he shook his head, unable to see his friends but amusing himself with their bickering. A soft glow started to show at the corner of his eyes, and he frowned slightly, its white and light off to the side of him. Perhaps it was a backup system for this particular situation? Peridot seemed like the type to hope for the best but plan for the worse. Strangely though the lighting was just so poor that it would not be effective even for short periods of time. The teen turned his head fully towards the glow, and a frown slipped onto his lips; a large white butterfly was resting beside him, about the size of a dove. Its wings were slowly flapping, but it seemed that it was unable to entirely lift its body from the perch. Ed tilted his head and peered down at the pitiful creature. The poor thing’s wing appeared to be ripped down the middle leaving it ground-bound. His hands cupped together slowly, and he scooped the butterfly up to bring it closer to his face only to have it burst upon contact with his skin. A harsh cough rumbled in his chest, forcing a fist to knock against his front furiously to resettle his breathing.

* * *

He blinked slowly, his eyes drooping, becoming unfocused just for a moment before something startled him into full awareness. The room was different now, it was dim but still lit by a lamp a few feet away. There was someone hunched over a desk, her back bent awkwardly, almost painfully forward as the sound of a power saw reached his ears. The person before him was dressed casually in grey overalls, filthy overalls stained by grease and dirt, but seeing the outfit feel comforting. A warm fondness blossomed in his chest upon sight. A set of goggles guarded her eyes, and her neon yellow hair was tied back into a loose ponytail so that her work could damage neither.

His body moved without his will, and he founds himself getting up, half hobbling over to her. His leg seemed like it was no longer broken, but upon looking down, he realized that this was not his standard prosthetic; it’s a common spare. He could see his leg without issue because it was bare skin and flesh, most of his body exposed save for his modesty; at least he was wearing boxers. When he reached her workbench, he saw his golden leg laid out in pieces; the thigh was popped open like a chest, and her face was pressed close to the metalwork inside. She was slicing into a gear and carefully shaving off the extra metal to ensure that the piece fits perfectly.

A determined smile rested upon her lips as she set her tools aside and held the gear up against the light, “Perfect…..”

Ed’s chest came to rest on her back, and his arms wrapped around her neck loosely. He lazily gazed upon his automail arm and the flesh one as they rested on her desk. His lips were pressed into her hair while they move, muffling his voice, “So you’re almost done then, sorry for the trouble. They really busted them up good this time.”

“It’s no trouble at all; I built this so I know I can provide the best maintenance and repairs,” A hand moves to rest on his arm for a moment, massaging the skin. This affectionate gesture was short-lived, perhaps it was never affectionate, but a trick as her fingers turned into pincers, and she pinched his fleshy arm. “I just wish you’d stop doing dangerous things that almost get you killed, and get my precious automail blown to bits.”

He whined, his hands flying up and away from her to avoid her wrath. “Typical, that’s just like you. I hug you and the first thing you do is complain about how I use my non-human parts regularly? Why do you have to be such a gearhead!”

“Yeah well, this gearhead, just put together a pile of scraps you brought to me and called a leg. I think I deserve some credit for that,” She sniffed indignantly while working the gear into its proper place, listening for the click that ensures the piece snapped into position. Once it hit her ears she pushed down on the metal plate, and the two watched as it seals itself shut and the panel blended smoothly to hide the door, “To be fair I also commented on your knack for finding things that can kill you, I do take notice of your human parts when I can.”

“Yeah, well, you got a funny way of showing it, Jeez your fingers can be sharp,” Edward makes a face, his nostrils scrunching up like he’s smelled something bad, while his lips set into a pout. “They’re like sharp little knives. You’re lucky you didn’t kill me with those destructive digits!”

She turned to regard him fully, light shining on her olive-toned face as she moved her goggles to her forehead. “It’s not my fault you have paper-thin skin and glass bones. You should really get that checked out. It might be a calcium deficiency.” 

Edward's heart skipped a beat though its hard to tell if it's because of his surprise or because of his body’s natural reaction during this….dream? memory? Hallucination? He did not know what was happening as his eyes resting on Winry’s face. “Yeah…..I’m pretty fragile, I guess. But I overcompensate for it, why do you think I cover my stone? Can’t have anyone seeing my weak point in a fight.”

“You know a better way not to get injured? Maybe don’t get into fights at all, but I guess that’s just my opinion.” She gave him an annoyed look as she pressed a button on the side of his leg and the pieces sewed themselves back together again. “Alright, you know my fee! You’re going to take leave, and we’re going to Ruby Rush next week! As usual, you’re going to spend exuberant amounts of money on whatever I set my little heart on. I see a new set of tools? They’re mine now! A few sheets of grade A steel and other extravagant materials? Nothing is to good for me. If I ask nicely maybe some heat tempering equipment…..”

His tone was light as he laughed. “Hey I said I’d take you down there, I didn’t say I’d spend my whole paycheck on you. You have to leave some food money or I’ll starve.”

“Oh, you're just overdramatic. You don’t even need that much for food you short stack,” Winry rolled her chair over to meet him, before pulling him down into the chair with her. His face twitched in annoyance at the comment, but his cheeks were bright red. “Maybe I’ll be nice if you buy me a new plate polisher. I’ll leave you some milk money.” 

“When am I going to meet this nice Winry you keep talking about, I feel like I’m being cheated,” He huffed and looked off to the side, still flustered.

She took his human hand in hers, and her fingers traced gently around where his skin met his gem. “Please, Edward, we haven’t gone anywhere in a long time. I just…. I want to spend a few days with you. I’ve missed you, that’s all. I’m mostly joking about the other stuff. I want some new things, but so long as I have the old you….well it will be just as fun!”

Winry Rockbell truly knew how to game the system as she continued to gently stroke his hand, pulling on the fingers while looking down at the gem embedded in his palm. A dark smudge inside was so obscured by the resin that all he could see were their eyes reflected back at them. She slowly closed her hands over his, and a sweet smile melted his heart. Edward sighed annoyed, but his face settled in a soft, affectionate expression. “Alright, you wore me down. We’ll take a shopping trip to Ruby Rush….” 

Her green eyes twinkled brightly, manic in their excitement. “Really?!”

He waved her off looking amused, “I’ll pay the piper on this one, you did fix me up, so I guess you deserve it. Just get excited for a fun time, okay Winry?”

“What’s a Winry?”

Edward found himself lying on his back, his head throbbing and his mouth dry as he stared up at the ceiling. “What?”

Peridot's face came into view, “Oh good, you’re awake. I can finally ask. You’ve been asking for a winry for the last few minutes. I haven’t the slightest idea what a winry is, so I’ve been unable to fulfill your request.”

Steven suddenly rushed into view, his eyes wide and concerned. “Oh, thank god you're awake. I thought you were dead, okay I didn’t think you were dead exactly but a perfectly healthy person doesn’t just keel over and face plant into the floor, so I thought you were sick or hurt or something because your eyes were closed and you wouldn’t respond….”

“Heh? What happened I don’t remember much after the lights went out….” Edward started to sit up; he set his hand against his left eye. His gloves were back in place, the gem obscured from view.

“Oh well that’s all very simple, Steven was messing with my computer and he thought it would be a brilliant though idiotic idea to reroute the power to my system to more easily redirect it to the communication hub. What he didn’t realize was that this building was not built to store that much energy at once, it blew out the circuits and the lights. So the room was thrown into complete darkness, this may have upset you somehow as just a few moments later you stood up from your seat before tripping over yourself and falling face-first into the floor. You were rendered unconscious for several minutes ranging to a half-hour as I replaced the lights, and Steven attended to you. During this time, you started calling out for a winry. So what is a winry?” 

“Oh, I……I didn’t realize I was speaking out loud. Ignore me….” Ed’s eyes were quick to shift away as a blush burned his face. “She’s just a friend. Don’t worry about it.”

“Ah, I see, Winry is a proper noun than. It is a good piece of information to have. Anyways I also finished your leg while you were out. I thought it might be something nice to wake up to, and what are friends for? I am not certain, but I think this may qualify. Sadly we’ll have to cut this visit short because Someone….” Her eyes shifted to a certain hybrid and glared half-heartedly. “Could not be bothered to listen when I told him that this computer is for my hands only. Hopefully, we will be able to reconnect in a few days and have an enjoyable get together as friends. For now, however, I need you to leave so I can look at if any other building was blacked out because of this clod…so leave.” She walked over to her chair and hopped back into it.

Edward stood up, testing his leg, but Steven was quick to fuss over him. He looped his arm around the smaller teen to help him up, despite his legs being strong. “Sure, hey before I head out though. I gotta ask, what was with that butterfly back there?”

“hmmm? What butterfly?”

“The butterfly, the white glowy one,” Steven’s arms tightened up around him, not painfully, but Ed can feel the tension in his body. “Was it for emergency light or what? It didn’t seem very good at its job. I could only see it in the room.”

“What are you talking about? I had to fix everything in the dark; there was no glowing white butterfly,” Peridots face was contorted in confusion.

“What? Come on it was huge, you can’t tell me you didn’t see it. Steven back me up, you saw it right?” Edward turned his head to look at Steven, but an uneasiness started to push into his chest.

Steven was looking at him as though he’d never seen him before. “I couldn’t see anything, Edward. We were all sitting in the dark.”


	6. A Family's Love: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward can't seem to sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been absent the last month and I must apologize for that, I was ill for about 3 weeks and unable to take time off work; the writing process has been slow when exhaustion sets in. I seem to be better now so we might get a more consistent upload time. I would like to uploads twice a month if I can manage it. This is a large pet project for me, I am already planning up to 10 chapters ahead and my enthusiasm knows no bounds; you will be getting uploads for this story long after SUF ends. I am also considering making audio files for this story, for people with visual impairments or those that find it more comfortable to listen to a story rather than read it. With that being said I have three links to post here:  
> 1\. https://gemstonegold.tumblr.com/  
> -Someone said they made a fanart for me and I live for that. You can send it here, and follow me. I may reblog various FMA and SUF content there, and perhaps some writing samples for this story. A friend of mine has also doodled a variety of story-related content, with amusing anecdotal accounts of more unusual works.  
> 2\. https://www.patreon.com/user?u=31282102&fan_landing=true  
> -Consider this a tip jar of sorts. Whether you put anything in or nothing at all I will be writing the story, but I just like the idea of someone tossing me a few bucks for a coffee here and there while I do it. Any amount is appreciated.  
> Please ask as many questions in the comments, or on my Tumblr as you like. Also, tell me how many of you are interested in a podfic of this story.  
> 3\. https://strawbebehmod.tumblr.com/  
> -The art featured in this chapter was made by a good friend, strawbebe and she currently has commissions open.

When Steven Universe was young and full of spirited energy, unaware of the world’s problems and with few responsibilities, he often got 8-10 hours of recommended sleep. On weekdays he stayed up until 10:00 pm and got up at 7:00 am; if he were feeling frisky, he’d wait until the first snooze to officially get up. On the weekends, he was a wild man, going to bed at midnight and waking up at 8 o’clock refreshed by the full night's sleep and able to accomplish the day's activities with little difficulty. In the beginning, there was no stress and no grander picture to look at, exploring the lore of his mother and the world she left behind. Science was magic, and he was just a little boy on adventures with his many magic mothers. There was no drama, his family had it together better than he did, and his world around him felt safe and warm with love. Those earlier years were the best years of his life and the most restful he’s ever had. 

When Steven Universe was thirteen going on fourteen, sleep started to slip between his fingers. He can almost pinpoint the exact moment rest was ripped out from under him, and his life began to spiral out of control. The orbs flittering through space, trapped within the warps, and bulleting forward, intent on fixing something broken, only to destroy everything else. He stayed up for days trying to prove to his guardians that something wasn’t right, his nights full of fear and his mornings sickeningly unrestful and full of distress. It was like he was waiting for whatever monsters were out there to come and consume him. Even when the orbs were gone, and the Crystal Gems were on high alert, his sleep suffered gradually. Instead of 8-10 hours of restful sleep, his schedule slithered into something more akin to 7.5 hours of sleep, flipping and turning, some nights alright and other nights so worried that his problems started to follow him into his dreams. Problems built upon problems over time: he watched his family fall apart at the seams over disagreements and past traumas, and learned that his mother was a war criminal, Steven was often mistaken for his mother and almost killed countless times by individuals that saw him as nothing more than her mocking them in this new unique form. He freed bismuth and bubbled her all over again, before learning his mother was a murderer and a hypocrite. Or was she? Or was he? As time went on, Steven questioned his humanity and his identity because he did not know who he was really; maybe he was his mother. He learned that Rose Quartz was a lie, and Pink Diamond wasn’t dead in a way that people thought she was. Finally, Steven came to fear his new family that was so familiar yet so broken. These were problems that he never really processed properly; his sleep slipped to 5-6 hours a night. 

When all of Steven’s problems were finished, peace across the universe, and harmony among his family, he finally had time to rest and get what he wanted. What did Steven Universe want? He wanted routines, and schedules, goals and grades, boundaries, and organization. All the things his chaotic youth had never been able to provide him. So when Pearl outlined plans for a Gem-school to help refugees better assimilate to life on earth, he was ecstatic, ready to help out any way he could in the coming months. This place of education would be a part of Steven’s legacy, and the feeling of being needed just a little bit longer filled him up with a kind of joy that he couldn’t describe. This establishment would offer him the routine and organization he so desperately craved by his creation. The first semester started, and he did everything they asked of him, and everything beyond that with newfound excitement. He wondered if this was his calling? Was Steven meant to teach Gems about life on the planet earth and all the love and fulfillment it could bring them? The idea had made his chest swell with positive emotions, at the possibility of a future he could now visualize. That vision waned slowly over time as his father reminded him of his online fall classes, and his course work became more difficult; his responsibilities doubled, and the firm grasp loosened as his future became muddled due to his current uncertainty.

Steven Universe was no longer in any extreme physical danger or at deaths doorstep, but his sleep schedule had taken another hit when work and school, and schoolwork took over his life. The one good thing about always being in danger was that though everything seems fast pace and out of control, schedules were impossible to maintain, so his life though more hectic felt freer in a way. He could sleep anytime in the day because he wasn’t sure when he’d able to sleep again when dictators were asking for his head on a silver platter. Now he had so much to do with so little time, so he slept 4.5 hours (270 minutes) per night. He tended to allow his work to consume him and had the misplaced misunderstanding that he had more responsibility for his household than his health. This behavior led to a variety of unfortunate symptoms that his family was all too aware of and worried for. In his coming year, they noticed a moodiness and irritability emerge slowly, though Steven put up a happy front. He was okay because he had to be okay; everything was going well right now so what right did he have to feel low and tired all the time? Some Gems had it worse, and some humans had more responsibilities than he did, or at least that’s what he tried to rationalize. He was the son of a Diamond, a galactic prince, with a family that loved him dearly; what reason did he have to feel upset or overworked? Little Home World and Little Home School were part of his legacy. To push problems so minor as exhaustion on beings that barely knew the concept would be rude. Steven would be pushing his small problems off on people if he admitted he had any, and how could he help anyone if he couldn’t even help himself? 

It was only in the recent weeks that he realized that this line of thinking might have been flawed bordering on toxic for him. This realization came half due to his own admission to his family and half due to seeing that his friend was slipping into a similar pattern of sleep…if he was sleeping at all.

When Edward Elric was younger, though not so much younger than it could be excused, he had a problem with stress management that permeated throughout his entire life. If there was a problem to solve, but he could not see the answer, he would pour over it, eating only enough and sleeping little by little, biting his nails raw until the tips stung when he moved them. All he did was read some days, with his face pressed into a book until his brain pulsed uncomfortably from the anxiety and tiredness building up in his entire body. His poor eating habits emerge slowly after the death of their mother, trickling by unnoticed by his younger brother because of their shared grief; with no one to moderate what he ate, he slipped into poor habits like eating excess sweets and only the occasional meal when granny Pinako was too tired to cook for them. Some days Ed preserved himself on nothing but bone broth soup, and those days were the worse for Alphonse only surpassed by their failed transmutation. It twisted his stomach to watch his brother clumsily go about his days, tripping over his own feet while grabbing books from their father’s desk; he knocked whole bookshelves into piles more than once. At the time, Al was naïve and just assumed his brother was preoccupied with the thought of bringing their mother back, and when she was home again, then things would be better. With age and experience, and Ed’s continued habits into his teenhood, Al came to realize that his brother would not stop on his own. Alphonse was no more an adult than Edward was, even after the older boy joined the military; they were still just children playing soldier and neither of them knew how to truly take care of themselves or each other past the point of survival. Even when Edward tried to hide it, Al could still see the minor bruises and nipped metal scrapes littering his arms and legs for years to come. Edward saw his dizzy spells and clumsiness as unimportant; food and sleep seemed so backburner compared to the promise to his brother.

Sometimes sleep eluded the older Elric for reasons more than responsibilities; it wasn’t until Edward turned ten, right after their transmutation, that vivid nightmares truly led to his slow unraveling and a further desire to avoid deep, restful sleep. The nightmares came when he least expected them and linger in his mind long after the sun drew up. In the daytime, days after each dream, his eyes burn above the dark bags on his face, and fogginess made it hard to focus on the most necessary tasks: physical therapy and personal study, reading up on what could one day get their bodies back. At Night despite the terrors being long behind him, he found himself waking in a cold sweat, flipping his stomach far beyond the realm of dream. There were nights where he’d close his eyes, his mind drifting just a moment, only to have a flash of his ‘ _mother’s_ ’ face wake him up screaming and thrashing in bed because it was still so fresh. His brother tried desperately to comfort and console him, to hold him through these _nightmares_ , reassure him that they weren’t real, and couldn’t hurt him, but Ed knew better. These dreams were more than dreams, and shushing them away could not fix what he had done. When Ed was half in and out of _sleep,_ he would whisper.

“I’m so sorry….I’m sorry,” Ed’s eyes would dart back and forth fast; his lip trembling, barely awake, but his hand would be set right against his brother’s chest plate. It would be cold despite his brother’s warm heart; it just wouldn't be fair. “I’m sorry….”

Ed stayed awake for days after those terrible nightmares, attempting to avoid purposeful sleep if he could. Alphonse worried that his brother was slipping right through his fingers, unsolid and unreal, sickly skinny and exhausted in front of him; he’d have to watch his older brother waste away into less than a shadow of his former self, and that scared him terribly. It wasn’t until Roy Mustang arrived that a spark was reignited in Edward; with this newfound hope growing deep in his chest at the possibility of getting their bodies back to normal, he was able to push himself forward. The frequency of this condition lessened, though the nightmares remained, and bad habits lingered; Al still saw days in which his brother neglected himself, but for now, the sickness developing inside Ed could not consume him. It seemed like an issue to be covered later when life was less hectic.

Life never got any less hectic, and when life ended, Edward took his problems with him. Steven saw these problems now, and some part of him realized that they weren't so different. For some reason that frightened him.

* * *

Steven Universe watched his friend spiral in the coming days, and he wondered if his own family had been so worried for him as he was now concerned for Ed. Had his exhaustion and irritability worn them down like Edward’s strange new behavior seemed to fray at his nerves? The Crystal Gems had come to know Steven as an impulsive but loving presence in their lives, with his heart held on his sleeve. Steven had come to know Edward as a spontaneous but determined presence in his own life, secrets held against his chest but worthy somehow of his trust. The Gems watched Steven grow into an unknown persona so different from who they had known him to be; was it difficult for them? Steven was watching Edward push himself beyond a healthy limit, and he wasn’t sure if this was normal or not. Even if it was normal behavior, that would only make him worry for the boy more. This change bothered him; it felt like a new experience to watch someone change and feel unease rather than his usual excitement. Humans changed, but it is not always towards their benefit.

Instead, Steven spent the next few days in silent worry, watching his friend go through the motions listlessly and continuously dropping in and out of more profound thought as though something was bothering him. Edward ate what was brought to him, drank what was given to him (with the exception of milk), answered questions with minute replies, all the while he flipped through his notes and continued to translate Steven’s little pink book. Steven never saw him sleep in the next few days, and that was because Edward was sleeping less than Steven was. The stress Ed felt following his visit with Peridot burrowed inside him and settled there because he was not confident in what had happened to him in her shop. Had he fallen asleep and dreamt about a strange new Winry? Unlikely, Ed had been sleeping well the previous days, even though Steven’s early schedule woke him up briefly in the morning. He would not have just fallen asleep at random, not when he had felt so awake only moments before. Had it been a hallucination? This idea was at least somewhat in the realm of possibility because the lights had gone out before he passed out, and Steven had not seen the butterfly that he saw. One idea lingered uneasily in his head and kept him up at night; was what he saw real? Not real in the sense that he could touch it but really in his mind, a memory that wasn’t his but at the same time was. The butterfly was a question that didn’t currently have an answer, so he was damn sure going to find one even if it killed him. 

Each night Steven attempted to stay awake with Edward, either prodding him to go to bed or quizzing him on Gem Glyph trying to be supportive. Each night, he failed to stay awake long enough to see if the other teen slept at all. When he fell asleep, Edward remained awake with his spiraling thoughts. He used the little pink book and a few other Gem books to both distract himself and to ponder further the question presented to him in a less personal way. Some books were useless, full of imperialist ideology and prejudice that even Edward could feel within the pages, despite knowing little about what Gem society expected from its components: _Gem Hierarchy: a Sapphire’s thoughts._ Other books were not quite so vile but perhaps just as useless: _The Art of Jewelry Making by Thomas Marcot_. Edward found some amusement in reading the old handwritten journal, as it had some Gem Glyph and Amesterian passages, though other passages were written and unreadable to him as it was a language he was not familiar with. The name sounded like a human name, and Edward did recall Pearl briefly mentioning that Steven’s mother had many human companions over the years, so a journal written in this way did not surprise him. He read one passage:

_Rubies are an exciting material to work with, given their strength; they register on the mohs scale of Hardness at 9. They have a similar resilience as Sapphire and are only slightly softer than diamonds; most rubies have flaws and those without trademark imperfections may commandeer prices at an even steeper rate than some diamonds. The rich red hue of a Ruby comes from trace composites of the mineral chromium present in the production of this marvelous gem, and its bright, vibrant red may even give way to an even more precious kind of ruby with hint of a blue tone. Many rubies are treated in some way to affect their color and strengthen them; heat treatment is a common occurrence for rubies, though it may negatively affect their strength if taken past the heat that this precious gem is resistant to, so I would not recommend it…_

After Edward had finished reading the Amesterian passage, he set forth on translating one that was written in Gem Glyph:

_Sapphires are one of the strongest natural gemstones…._

His studies were interrupted mid-sentence, his pen clicking on the table briefly one moment before dropping from his fingers the next when the warp pad whined to life behind him. This was the third day he’d been up, but the first time he’d been interrupted. It is nearly 2 AM when Garnet came warping into the room carrying a large grey stone by her side (steven sized) while snow fluttered around her in the last falling pieces pulled in by the stream. Edward wondered where she had been for a moment, and what she had brought back with her, but these questions were short-lived. She opened the door to her room and gave the slab a forceful shove, sending it slamming into the opposite wall without so much as a look. Edward craned his neck and peeked inside. The slab was not even cracked, though the wall behind it was spiderwebbed and shattered. She seemed unsurprised to see Edward awake on the couch with a pile of notebooks around him but the way her lips thin in concern suggested she was not entirely pleased to see his drooping eyes and unfocused gaze.

“Where were you?” Edward asked mildly, looking at her scuffed and disheveled appearance.  
“Secret Mission…” the reply was casual as She came to him and dropped heavily into the seat beside him. She peaked down at the open notebooks sprawled around the coffee table before she leisurely started to flip through the pages of his own. “Let me look at this for a moment. Pearl said you and Steven were doing well in your studies. I think I’d like to see for myself."

Ed waved her off, “Have at it…I got a shit ton done today alone.”

Garnet looked over each page, turning carefully and taking in the words and context for each translation and sentence construction. She paused briefly on a page, and some mild amusement slipped on her lips as she noticed her name scribbled there lazily:

_Jarnet is one of the coolest Gems I know—two of the coolest gems I know. It’s strange to me, I guess I’ve never really thought about how she fits into my life, but at the same time, I can’t imagine a life without her. My Uncle Andy once called her my Aunt, which I kind of get but since Gems don’t have a concept of siblings, I’m not sure if it fits that well. Garnet was super upset about finding out Rose was Pink, would she even want to be my aunt if it meant being her sister? Or maybe she could be Pearl's sister? Maybe that could work…._

“I’m in this paragraph,” there a strange flitter of emotions in Garnet's tone which Edward instantly gets defensive of. A coolness appears briefly, followed by a warmth; a frown deepens in her lips followed by a lingering smile, the picture-perfect depiction of confliction. “You—are writing about me?”

“Yeah, what of it? It’s Steven’s notebook; of course, he talked about you in his book,” He threw a thumb towards Steven resting form on the couch, before trying to cover the rest of his pages and snatching his notebook back. His cheeks are flushed now self-conscious about his perhaps emotion-driven translations.

Garnet was quick to catch onto his embarrassment and compose herself to spare him. She snorted softly, and he squinted at her, somewhat annoyed when she spoke again. “Its nothing really, you just spelled my name wrong, that’s all.” 

“Heh? Did I spell …it…wrong in Gem Glyph?” He flipped through his papers, looking for the mistake. Writing Gem classifications was difficult so he wouldn’t be surprised if a line was out of place.

“In English, actually….” She pointed down at a page and tapped the word to ensure he saw it, showing him the letter J.

“What’s English again?” he grumbled tiredly as his eyes filter through the words, barely absorbing any of them. “Steven’s told me, but I just literally can’t remember anything right now.”

“Oh, right, Steven said you were calling it Amestrian. Sorry for the confusion,” She picked up the papers and started flipping through them slowly. Her lips were set into a gentle smile of admiration, one that felt all too familiar to Edward; he has seen that smile from many people that mattered to him. “Beyond that, the translations I see here are quite good; I have to commend you for all your hard work, Edward.” She pats his head while turning to review Steven’s notebook with a gentle and calm delight.

His tired eyes stared at the page for several moments, just blinking and trying to comprehend what he was seeing. “Jar-net…..Jarnet. Janet….Darn-it….God damn it.” He rubbed at his face, beyond exhausted. “I didn’t even notice. Am I stupid or something….?”

“No you’re just tired, You’ve been up for quite some time…” It’s not quite a scolding but Edward does have the tact to look sheepish.

“Not long enough, apparently. I haven’t passed out yet, your….when will sleep give me that knock out blow. My brain won't do it for me, so I’m just stuck…doing this….” He gestured at the papers in front of him with lazy, disinterest.

“I could give you the knock out blow….?” Garnet handed him Steven’s papers, freeing her fists to glow, forming into hard-hitting gauntlets. Her knuckles knocked together harshly, creating a boom that raised the hair on Ed’s neck. Steven startled slightly in his sleep, his snoring hitched, choking just for a moment as the noise threatened to wake him. Garnet and Edward both stiffened, waiting to see if Steven awoke from his deep slumber, but after a few moments, his breathing evened back out, and the snoring continued. Edward let out a breath of relief.

“My brain says I know you’re pulling my leg but…. my lizard brain says I shouldn’t take my chances. It’s a good thing I’m not a lizard….” He stood up and stretched, just to put a bit of distance between them. “So…ah…funny joke? About scared the piss out of me though.”

“All comedy is derived from fear. Amethyst has informed me that my ability to intimidate means that I could make an amazing earth comedian,” Garnets hands glowed again and transformed back into their standard form. “I am inclined to agree. My humor has finally reached peak humanity in recent years. My growth is expectational.”

Edward glanced at Garnet's hands, her gems flashing gently in the gleam of the moonlight; she had two, not one. Its something he’s noticed but had yet to ask about. “Yeah, if only my Gem Glyph were able to hit that hard. I’m feeling pretty stagnant these last few days. Classifications are so….complicated.”

Garnet sensed eyes on her hands, and she rested them on her knees as she turned to Edward. “Gem Glyph is difficult, hosting a complexity that some people may not wholly understand. Some gems emerge with the ability to read and write it; others have an innate affinity for it if they so choose to learn it, and then some were never meant to learn it, but they can learn it anyways. Humans certainly were never meant to learn it; I’m actually….quite enjoying myself—watching you and Steven learn to read and write a language unfamiliar to you so completely. It showcases one of my favorite things about humans like you and Steven, this amazing ability to change and grow. Your innate curiosity and thirst for knowledge, no one can stop you from further expanding your mind. You can learn this, knowledge can change you, and change for the better reflects a growth that I’ve come to admire in humans and their humanity. It's quite inspiring to watch you learn this. To Steven, this is his heritage, but to you….you do this only because you want to see him connect with both sides of himself, and you want to further understand someone you do not understand. It’s….its just something I enjoy seeing from you.”

Edward became flustered by the intensity of her words and the deeper meaning she had managed to dig out of him. The sheer amount of words also startled him somewhat. Generally, she seemed like a woman of few cryptic statements, so to have her speak so candidly to him felt honoring. She smiled gently and drew herself back knowing she allowed her excitement to get the better of her, “It is just a rarity that humans take an interest in Gem culture, not all of it is so vehemently in need of change. Steven understood that before.”

“You want the language preserved…?” Edward says, calmly understanding her stance. “Because you connect with it personally.”

“ _Part_ of me was an avid reader of great Gem philosophers a long time ago,” Garnet explained while flipping her hands up to look at her left gem. “The books are outdated now, wrong, they have always been outdated. I have been considering fixing that, not removing the books from existence but arguing against them in my own writing, teaching a class on them even. Gem Glyph must survive in order for that to have meaning.”

“Even if its just human like me learning it?” he asked.

“Especially if it’s a human like you learning it. I can see a spark in Steven and you, and I know that progress has finally begun in earnest. Revolutionizing the Gem world does not mean everything has to be lost, but it does mean other beings must understand the good and the bad we wrought upon the universe,” Garnet whispered gravely. “We all should have access to before and beyond…”

Edward stared at her in awe for a moment, though half of that awe stemmed from sleep deprivation. She smirked and shook her head, “But I imagine you don’t much care for that at the moment…..? I'll continue to provide my feedback.

“Beyond some minor spelling errors and easily fixed grammatical misalignment, I’d say I’m very impressed with your work, Edward.” The shift in conversation was jarring, and Edward’s sleep-addled brain attempted to keep up with the conversation. “Your Gem glyph, English, and/or Amerstian is all written very eloquently. You’ve even started constructing sentences beyond what Pearl has given you. You’re coming along quite nicely, even if the handwriting is a bit…unique.”

The strange responsibility he felt before bled away as she smiled at Edward, and though the tonal shift was startling, there's a feeling of relief that spilled over. “It’s alright; you can call it crap. My left hand was cramping up halfway through….” He flexed his fingers and twisted his wrist, feeling how sore it is. His fingers were calloused because of stress writing.

“It must be difficult to …write with your left hand the way you do,” Garnet stared at his hands just as he looked at hers only moment before.

Edward felt invaded by the comment, “It's not as bad as you think.”

“Oh I imagine you’ve adapted well to it; humans are amazing that way: able to grow and change and adapt. But I’m saying it must have been difficult to adopt dominant skills with your nondominant arm. Your handwriting is not perfect but it displays another level of adaption that I most admire in you, Edward.”

He faltered slightly and gripped his automail fist crinkling his glove as he did so. “How did you notice, exactly?”

“Peridot mentioned it recently when I was visiting Bismuth,” Garnet confirmed, gesturing at his hand. “She also told me to inform you that she might be able to add some upgrades to your prosthetic if you trust her enough to look at the machinery.”

Ed's fingers unfurled, and there's evident irritability on his face, “Heh? Oh, she blabbed about it. Figures…I didn’t tell her to keep it a secret, I guess. I don’t like people talking about my business.”

“Don’t treat the situation too harshly; Peridot meant well,” Garnet tugged on Edward’s sleeve, a firm but straightforward demand for him to sit back down. “I had my suspicions beforehand, given a few minor observations I witnessed while you were sparring with Pearl a few weeks ago.”

Edward complied because her tone and contact felt so familiar. He let out a lazy laugh, “So I have _tells_?”

“A few but none so prominent that you should worry about them,” Garnet smiled when he retook his seat. “You favor your right side overall in a fight; I noticed that straight away. You likely learned to fight using your dominant side as a pivot for certain balance baring moves. You fight with your right fist, and you correctly place your thumb outside of it to prevent injury.”

“I thought that was just common sense,” He moved each finger individually before forming them into a fist, the thumb pressing into the side of his hand. “I guess maybe not, though. Teacher did have to correct my brother a few times when we were sparing.”

“Some children may keep their thumb protectively within their fist, but actually, this can cause further damage and even allow dislocation or bone break. Steven may have accidentally injured himself in his youth before his proper training,” Garnet explained as her hand moved out to rub the larger boy's arm lovingly; he doesn’t even stir. “You were clearly trained adequately in combat, but with a metal fist and a child's tendency to fight boldly, well, I can only guess you learned the proper form when your hand was still flesh and blood, and prone to damage.”

“I can still wreck up my automail pretty good; my mechanic can confirm,” Still, there was growing tenseness in his chest as Garnet’s deduction delved deeper. 

“An improper hit could hurt a flesh fist but not a metal one; humans avoid pain and discomfort,” Garnet seemed to look into his soul through the visor, though Ed hoped that this was not something Gems could actually do. “That being said, fighting involves less dexterity than some everyday tasks. I’ve noticed when eating or writing; you’ve used your left hand with varying success, displaying a certain awkwardness while doing so.” 

Edward looked taken back, suddenly finding it difficult to look at her. The deduction was so eerily correct that he realized she has not just been watching him fight, she had been watching him always. “That’s scarily accurate.”

She adjusted her visor, pulling it down so they could look each other in the eye, which felt less intense. “I try to maintain as much accuracy as I can. Knowledge is power. Though there are gaps, huge gaps, missing in my knowledge of you.”

“There are things I can’t just tell you,” Edward felt a buzz under his skin as fight or flight tried to push him into action. For once in his life, he felt ready to run because fighting did not feel right in this situation, but standing still also felt wrong. He chose to be honest with her, “I need to be sure that I can trust you.” 

“Then I can only wait,” Garnet took his response in stride, perhaps because she already knew he would not be forward with his information. “I want the answers to come naturally with whatever you decide to tell Steven or Periot or anyone in this house. It is not my place to ask questions, it is your place to answer what is unasked when you trust us enough to offer the information. Forcing you to answer would not build trust between us. Pearl was quite hesitant about allowing you to stay here, but…. at this moment I see nothing in our future that suggest you intend to betray us. I don’t see smooth roads, I don’t see much at all beyond a few steps ahead of us, but inside I know that you are good for Steven and Steven is good for you. I want to give you my trust if you allow me to earn yours.”

Edward’s hands rested on his knees as he pondered her offer quietly to himself. “So, I get your trust, regardless of how long it takes to gain mine?”

“Yes, I want this journey to be smooth for all of us wherever it may take us,” She extended her hands to him, the gems faced up for him to inspect. “I--- though not human, am an adult by earth’s standards. In the past, I have made the mistake of expecting human children to act as a human adult, while also expecting human children to remain the same: assuming they process things equally. I have discarded that belief while raising Steven. You, though nearing adulthood, are still a child by earth standards. The burden of proof to prove that I can be trusted lies with me. You can ask questions now, and I can wait for your answers later.”

Edward found himself staring at the two wine red stones, shocked as his eyes peek up at her. There were things he wanted to know, but he had been unwilling to ask, knowing they might turn questions on him. In the safety of this situation now, he whispered. “What's this all about?” gesturing at her outstretched hands.

“I knew your thirst for knowledge might lead you to ask about this,” Her tone was warm because this was one of her favorite topics to discuss. “I did say that I can still see a few steps ahead of us. There were 10 possible futures in which you ask about my gems, nine of which I end up giving you a thoroughly satisfying explanation that fed into your curiosity.”

Edward rolled his shoulders, sitting up straighter to inspect the gems more closely. “Yeah? And what happens with the tenth.”

“My monotone, even voice is so soothing that you fall asleep while I’m explaining them to you. It resolved a few other future problems that we will be addressing in a few days regardless of our level of trust,” She scolded firmly, but the air of care never left her tone.

“That’s warranted, I guess,” Edward snorted at the response before he let out a quiet breath, leaving her last comment alone for the time being. “I have been wondering about your hands for a few weeks now. Most of the Gems I’ve met only have one stone, so looking at yours made me wonder if there were a few exceptions. I think…. it's not usual to have two gems; you're the only one I’ve seen so far. Granted, I say that with a very small sample of Gems as a reference. Steven, Pearl, Peridot, etc. All the Gems I have met have only had one stone, none of the books I’ve been reading talk about it; I wanted to ask.”

She smiled, staring down at her gems with a longing sweetness. “No, I suppose the old books wouldn’t talk about it. And if Pearl hasn’t taught you the words, and if Steven hasn’t mentioned it….it could be something very easily overlooked. Its…one of my favorite subjects, so I don’t mind discussing it.”

“Sounds like your pretty proud of it, must be something special,” Edward yawned loudly, realizing that perhaps he was more tired than he had initially thought. Her voice really was that soothing; his previous troubles were momentarily shelved in favor of listening to Garnet’s explanation. Maybe he really could sleep now….

“Tell me, Edward, have you ever been in love,” she spoke softly; her hands folded gently together in her lap.

Edward almost instantly faltered, fumbling in his seat until he can right himself again. Sleep was the furthest thing from his mind as his cheeks burned. “Have I ever been in love? What?”

Garnet gave him a gentle smile, almost amused because Steven had reacted so similarly in response to questions about Connie. “Have you ever been in love? Given your age, it’s a possibility you have, but there's also a possibility that you have not, so I wanted to ask you personally.”

The first person that came to mind was Winry; her name almost slipping between his lips before he managed to compose himself. Ed looked adorably flustered as he rubbed his cheeks, trying to calm heated redness rising in his face. He was almost wholely awake now sitting next to Garnet, trying to regain his barrings. “In love? Geez. In love? Who even? What gave you that idea….I don’t love anyone. Not like that…”

Garnet looked amused despite keeping her expression neutral, the slightest smile playing on her lips being the only indication that she enjoyed his response. “I think you may have answered my question regardless of your words…”

This response only further frustrated Edward, who was quick to brush her off. “Get on with it, or I really will fall asleep.”

“My apologies,” She said though Ed knew she wasn’t sorry at all. “A Gem’s stone houses their sense of self, their very being. All that I am exists within these stones…,” she says as she separates her hands slowly. “all that I could be one-day manifests from these stones. Just as humans have their brain…well, no just saying that my gems are my mind does not quite express the concept I am trying to convey. Just like humans have their brains….”

“Soul?” Edward interjects hesitantly, not wanting to interrupt her, but his growing interest in the subject got the better of him. “Maybe if the mind does not work alone, try the soul and mind. Humans have their brains, bodies, and spirit, while Gem’s have the stone that effectively acts as a human’s brain and soul, similar though with the ability to…affect their physical body?” Edward was still new to this, and he did not want to come across as ignorant but his month was working faster than his brain, and his mind was spitting out theories faster than he could completely process.

“It…acts as a nice analogy; it works for me. I don’t generally delve into human spirituality, but I know it provides some peace of mind and interesting insight. I may have to look into it further to decide in the idea holds any merit. Thank you for your input Edward,” Garnet pondered his words for a moment, uninsulted and vaguely interested in the perspective. She continued moments later, “Our gems make up our inner self but also our exterior light, the body before you is a solidified embodiment of light. Due to a physical form that is not wholly tangible, a Gem’s light can bend and blend with another or multiple others. This occurrence happens for many reasons. These Gems could come together because they need to fight and protect people or for comfort or because it feels the most natural to them. They can come together because they are friends or family, maybe they are even in love. This act is called fusion, and fusion is a physical manifestation of a relationship either platonic or romantic. I have two stones because I am me, I am a solid representation of deep love between two gems and yet so much more than that.”

“So, you’re two people, then?” He asked lightly, even though the only experience he has with _fusion wa_ s tearing at his chest. “Or are you one melted together from two people? I’m sorry I’m not familiar with all this. The closest thing I can think of is….well it doesn’t sound as nice and clean as what you described. Am I even allowed to ask, or is that too personal?”

“No, no, it's fine, I want you to be personal because it might allow you to be more personal later. I suppose I am neither, I not one person equal to the two, but at the same time, I am not those two individuals together as one. I am never alone, but yet it's different than being together. I am an experience….a good experience that makes me glad to be me.”

Edward sounded tired; his voice was soft as he yawned again, his thirst slowly sated by the information because at least this fusion was not like _hers_. “It sounds kind of nice, to never be alone like that. Someones always with you even if you can’t see them. Can you feel them?”

“I can feel their shared love and the love they have for others, I ‘am’ their love, and every minute I am held together, it's like they are embraced.”

“I kind of wish I could experience something like that. It sounds nice…” Edward was slipping asleep, his eyes becoming too heavy, threatening to put him down. His eyes snap open suddenly, a light pink painting his cheeks. The exhaustion was making him a bit too willing to share his vulnerabilities.

She pats his head, “Perhaps one day you will….”

“Humans can’t do that, I thought….” Edward tried to sit back up and keep himself awake, neglecting to mention the hidden stone in his palm. Then again, he was unfamiliar with this world, so perhaps humans could?

“They can’t generally, but in some cases, they can. It’s a special set of circumstances, but….you might one day get to fuse.” She said softly with a smile. “You are good friends with Steven, and he is a special exception to the rules. He is both human and Gem, a one of a kind hybrid. He can connect with both sides on the deepest personal level; through his words and actions. He can fuse with gems and humans that he has a deep emotional bond with.” 

“I just met Steven a few weeks ago, Maybe a month at most, not even a month.” he grumbled softly, rubbing at his face, half leaned back against the couch. His eyes came to rest on Steven who has managed to shift himself into a position where his head was dangling and his lower half remained on the back of the couch, upside down and somewhat laughable. He looked vaguely amused at Steven before turning back to Garnet, who had removed her visor entirely. “What? Cant a guy smile at someone without it meaning anything.”

“You can, but…I know Steven and his heart warms to people quickly, and hearts warm to him just as fast. It's hard to see what will happen, but the two of you may come together one day,” her hand rested on his shoulder, the heavy pressure felt nice, like a weighted blanket flung over his body. Her eyes looked into the distance, and her expression was calm and pleasant, “The two of you could come together to protect others, to protect yourself, or perhaps just one day out of the desire for comfort and understanding. It's blurry, but I can see it….I can see a figure emerging from the distance, long hair tied back in a braid, body protected by a suit of rose gold. You are emerging triumphantly through a field of dust and debris. I know that it is you and Steven, Edven, maybe? and I can not wait to see what kind of experience you become. I’m sure the two of you will be something amazing.”

For some reason, the feel of her warm hand on his face and the comfort of the couch started to put pressure on his eyes, making them droop as she continued to talk to him with a smooth, gentle voice. The sound of Steven’s even snoring was to loud before, but now it lent a white noise like comfort to him. A mysterious future that should have made him concerned, gave him peace of mind that he could not quite understand because of the connection it promised him. The living room was warm, and he was tired from lack of sleep and the stress that kept him up; the stress from before bled away from him. He did not wholly lean into Garnet's arm as she spoke with him, but he did relish in the company she offered despite not hearing any further conversation. hmms and ahhs are provided as he acknowledged her pleasant presence. His eyes shifted slowly and lingered on her face, his own eyes drooping and finally falling shut as sleep claimed him

* * *

Edward could no longer hear her words, Garnet’s voice had faded from his ears and most other sounds had been muted in the room. He blinked his eyes open lazily, his lids heavy like lead and barely able to lift apart. He saw the reflection of something in her eyes that made his stomach drop; the glow of a small white butterfly was resting on his cheek reflected in her third eye so detailed that it scared him but she was not reacting to its presence so he knew it could not be real. A trembling hand reached up to touch his cheek, and the ill-feeling deepened as he realized that there was nothing pressed against his skin but his fingertips. He shook as that same hand reached out slowly towards her face and a little butterfly flittered out from the reflection, landing in his palm before bursting.

Suddenly everything is too loud, explosions bark off in the distance blowing out Edward's eardrums, and his hands moved to cup over his ears, trying to block out the violence going on around him. Everything feels fuzzy and slightly distorted, black edging at his eyes, making everything surreal. A dull burn radiated from his stomach and an unexplainable coldness is wrapped around his body, making it difficult to move with any purpose or precision; it’s a struggle to bring his hands down past his head, and let them rest against his throbbing stomach. He felt something wet and warm against his cold fingers dripping between them and smearing up his chest as he forced them to come back to eye level. His hands were covered in thick red liquid dripping between his fingers, blurring and staining his gloves deep dark iron-rich red. The sight made him gag and wretch painfully through his body, drawing a scream from him as his muscles contort and contract, tugging brutally at his injury. Tears force themselves from the corners of his eyes, unable to hold back as he laid there feeling wetness at his back. Tears drew cracks through the dirt caked to his face, making him seem like a pitiful sight laying there alone. Edward is tired, he’s cold, and in pain, he’s bleeding out somewhere unfamiliar to him, and he doesn’t know what to do.

“Help….help me…” he gurgled as he tried to call out to anyone around him. He was distantly aware of shadows fighting monsters nearby. He knew they were neither shadows nor monsters, but he couldn’t resist the feeling of fear and despair long enough to think about what they really must be. No one came to him right away, not when he called them; they were fighting for survival just like he was now. “I’m…I’m sorry, please, someone….please.”

He felt something rising in his chest, slipping up his throat as iron sat on his tongue. He turned his head, trying not to choke as blood splattered on the sand at his side. His vision was further made fuzzy and black at the edges, tunneling narrowly as his body inched closer to giving out. Edward was frightened, distraught that he was about to die here, with a hole in his stomach and someones black shattered shards barely within arms reach, alone and a failure. Tears streamed down his face faster, cutting through the new bloodstains on his mouth; it was all he could do not to let a sob rip past his lips as he realized that fading pain was not godsent, but hell’s calling card. It would be so easy to let his eyes slip shut and just slip away. It would be so easy to face this death over the failures leading up to it but he would be a coward either way. He did not want anyone to see what he had lost, but at the same time, Ed did not want to die here—more explosion sounded in the distance, gunshots crackled like fireworks.

He let out one more weak cry, his calls dying hopelessly in his throat as it became raw, begging for someone to find him. “Help! I can’t….I can’t get up….I’m….I…” He choked, saliva, and blood trickling down his chin. “Please, please, I don’t want to go…..”

His eyes drifted shut, to heavy to keep open, and the tears fell faster. “Please, it’s cold…”

The pain was almost gone, “I’m scared, I don’t want this…” the words were slurring, his tongue heavy and sticking in his mouth as he tried to talk.

“Please I don’t want to go like this,” Roaring in his ears took over the harsh sounds of war, the world was disorienting and suddenly it's so much harder to understand what was happening to him. Why was he laying there, why was everything so cold and why did he want to throw up. He couldn’t throw up though because he remembered how painful that had just been. He wanted his mother, he wanted his father, he wanted his brother to come and make all of this disappear. “I don’t feel good, I don’t….I feel sick.”

Everything is going numb, as his life threatened to leave him. “I’m sorry…”

He was in a void, his vision tunneled so deeply that it's like he was resting in a hole deep in the earth and looking at a single pinpoint of light. He could not hear anything around him, he did not smell the dry dessert air or taste the iron filling up his mouth and lungs. All he could do was watch the fading light of hope tear itself away from him as the prick of light dimmed in the distance. His breathing became slower and slower, shallower as death came closer to his door. So close, so close….

A firm pressure rested against his back suddenly, lifting him from the ground even if it was hard to feel in his numb body; a buzzing entered his ears as sound forced itself past the fading light. “Fullamber…..” the voice was strong and familiar, demanding some kind of answer from him. “Open--- eyes. Edward, ---eyes. Listen----! you list--- look at me!” The voice drifted in and out of his awareness but strangely seemed to draw him in, forcing him back from the brink. There was no ignoring this voice; when it spoke the whole world listened. 

Its an order, but a difficult one to follow despite Ed trying his best; his eyelids twitched and his lips parted letting out a noise that barely constitutes as a response, but for the person holding him, it was enough. A gentle inhale of breath did confirm that he was alive, and two arms tightened around him. Ed could not speak, but the voice continued to prod him into a semi self-aware state.

“Lieut’….co’nel?” Ed tried his best to speak, but his words are almost lost on the listener.

He should consider himself lucky that his commanding officer knew him so well. “Yeah, yes, it's me….I order you to open your eyes, how injured are you? Do you remember what happened?” The voice asked rapidly the moment they get a barely coherent reply, and Edward felt an uncomfortable jostling as whoever had picked him up started moving fast through the war-torn field. Edward's following words were entirely muddled and impossible to understand.

“You can’t do this to me, Ed. You can’t do this to us….wake up right now or I’ll have you court marshaled. I will revoke your research privileges. You’ll be confined to a desk job for the rest of your career, just…Open your eyes.” The voice is echoy, not tinny but more like he heard two voices melted together not quite seamlessly. The explosions sounded closer, gunshots came from all directions, but Ed was almost sure he could listen to them popping right by his ear. “If you die in our arms if you die in my arms, Edward. I’ll never forgive you. Now open your eyes right now. You will survive this, you’ve survived everything else, you’ve survived worse than this so open your eyes right now. You don’t get to decide when you die, nobody does.” They bite out harshly

Edward’s eye snapped open, only to squint against the settings suns still illuminant light shining in his face. He saw blended blonde hair flowing in the wind, heat hot on his face as he became dimly aware that fire was circling them to keep out unseen opponents. Two arms were wrapped around him, but they felt different in how they held him. When he allowed his eyes to come back into focus he could see that the person holding him had both a firm grip on him, but still able to fight with a terrible might as two free arms threw out attack after attack to keep their assailants at bay.

“Yes like that, Fullamber. Eyes open, good. Everything is going to be okay,” The figure in front of him said, eyes looking down at Ed with relief when his golden gaze stare into theirs. “I’ve got you; I’m here.” 

* * *

Edward’s eyes snap open, heart hammering fast in his chest even though the battle was over. He was limp, but without pain, the brightness of the setting sun had faded and moonlight replaced it. Two arms were wrapped loosely around him. “Huh?” He asked groggily, unable to process where he was or what was going on.

Garnet's voice was right above him, his head resting on her shoulder, “I’m taking you both up to bed. Steven is already upstairs and tucked in…..you lasted longer than I expected, but you still landed in the tenth path. You need your rest….”

“How long was I….?” Edward tried to voice but his words were sticky and caught in his throat, the panic just barely subdued in this confusion.

“Not long, you were in and out for about an hour while I spoke, I think you found me soothing as I predicted. I finally decided that it was best to take you up to bed so that you could not wake up with a crick in your neck. I apologize for waking you, but I’m sure you will slip back to sleep soon enough,” When they reached the top of the stairs, Garnet set him on the bed next to Steven; the other teen seemed to take up a majority of the space because he tended to sprawl out. Edward remained above the covers as Garnet handed him a blanket to wrap up in unaware that his mind was more awake than ever. “Sweet dreams….”

She walked back down the stairs towards her room, and Edward's eyes remained open, unable to rest.

* * *

Steven Universe has always had a streak of worry about what others thought of him. It started idly with the Gems, a concern that if he could not perform as his mother did, then he would have no use to his Guardians, and that uselessness would be a tarnish on him. His family would abandon him, and though he would still have his Father, the rejection of his mother's found family would always strike him. The thought of being _thought of_ as useless had twisted in his stomach for days before he had finally confided in Connie about his fears. With her soothing logic and extended hand, she had offered him reassurance that even if he was more human than Gem that they could be human together. Even back then, Steven felt the blossoming support of someone who was his best friend and could be so much more. Her friendship and the promised company had eased his mind for a short time, but there was still a lingering feeling in his chest that he did not quite understand. He was happy because Connie had accepted him, but even after her acceptance, he was more than delighted to discover that his powers developed regardless. It would not be until much later that he discover what this unease was a vague realization; that his self-worth was linked to praise and performance. He craved the encouraging words of others and felt the need to be worth something to someone; his existence was looked at from the lense of ‘I am what I can do for others.’

Of course, just because he could see this flaw in himself, that did not mean he knew how to fix it. He was aware that there was some lingering toxicity in his desperate desire; the purpose was essential but needing to be needed was a slippery slope that he could not cope with. As he moved forward with his life he showed little sign that he cared about what others thought of him, often doing outlandish and seemingly carefree things; it was not wrong to assume that these were the acts of a True Steven Universe, the boy did his best to live with authenticity, but a person can live as they are but still feel terrible anxiety for what others might think of them. In reality, he cared far more than what he cared to admit, and though he faced people with what he thought was his true self it still hurt him when others commented on his insecurities. For a long time, he worried about his identity, and though that worry still lingered sometimes in the back of his mind, he felt that it was more or less resolved.

True fear consumed his childhood whole, but more minor and mundane insecurities still popped up here and there. Steven had never thought of himself as stupid exactly, he was quick to pick up concepts if people explained them and he probably knew more about space than any other human on earth but he when he was younger he knew there were wide gaps in his education that made people talk about him and when people spoke, whether he could hear it or not, rocks filled his stomach. When he was twelve, he had never seen Mt. Rushmine in person, which would not have been an issue had he known that the place was a national treasure or had even known what it was. When he thirteen he didn’t realize that books could come in series that you had to read in order because all he had ever really read was the No Home Boys series, which was more episodic in it writing and each novel could be construed as a stand-alone story beyond the first book. It had been a minor inconvenience to Connie, and though it seemed humorous looking back at it, Steven had felt initial embarrassment at causing Connie trouble. When he was fourteen he learned what a school was and the exact opposite feeling sat in his stomach; the new idea at the time was a wonderous and unexplored territory that he wanted to explore but now looking back at it he could only feel vague upset that no one had told him about it beforehand. He loved to learn, and in his eyes, the school was the ultimate place of learning, a place specifically build for his education. 

When Steven turned fifteen, a brand new world was introduced to him; while he was paving a path for peace and prosperity in space, dismantling the Diamond empire, he was also admitted into an online education program. When Steven wasn’t giving speeches or fighting Gems, he was emersed in his course work. It was wild how natural it felt, watching online lectures and posting enthusiastic responses to discussion questions, occasionally writing papers that pertained to what he was learning; it felt so normal, and he could pretend that he was a normal teenager between fighting dictators and acting as a political diplomat. The praises he received from his online instructors fed into a long-forgotten need in him. He wanted, no he needed, positive approval from his peers even if those peers weren’t in the same city as he was nor were they necessarily his age.

By the time he turned sixteen, his travels were winding down, and he was spending more time on Homeworld, but at the same time, he was barely there at all. He spent time with the Diamonds, taught them the joys of humanity and organic life, he ate with them and laughed with them, but they made him nervous, and this nervousness was inescapable. Steven still had work to do in this world, so the young man had to suck up his feelings and find a way to look past them. Steven had to keep the peace and play a part that was given to him. To preoccupy his mind, he was on an accelerated course of study, hoping to at least catch up with Connie by the time he was finished. Burning through lectures was easier than thinking about who he was living with, and it even provided something substantial to say to the Diamonds when they talked with him. They still found earth life silly and primitive, but there was a fascination they had with some aspects that he would absentmindedly clarify if they asked him. It was better to talk about School than to talk about what had happened between them, the pain that they had caused him. Their connection was so thin, so easily broken that he did not want to risk severing ties so quickly when other worlds were still on the line.

Finally, just finally, in the coming months of January, he was able to pass by Connie’s class and now he was a few grades closer to his end game; he wanted to start school in the spring as a transfer. His grades were not perfect, but as he had gotten into the swing of things, his mind had become locked on one goal; he had to catch up before everyone else left him behind. All it would take was a GPA worthy of the school Connie was attending, and he was just so close he could almost feel the dignified boy khakis and the red blazer wrapped around his skin. His math grade had already come in, and he was displeased to see that it was a B-, but mathematics had never been his strong suit, and geometry was really hard. Introducing letters into the equation was terrible enough, but now there were shapes? It was madness. Physics had been a lot easier to understand with Pearl’s help, but the ability to defy physics did make some of the rules more confusing to follow. He was still able to get a B+, and though he wished he could have done better, he was pleased with his progress. The grade that stressed him out the most was his English grade, not merely because of how difficult it was to maintain his focus on the material, but more because his teacher was notoriously prone to grading things late and grading things harshly. Steven had been checking his phone on and off for the past two weeks waiting for him, resisting the urge to immediately to send out email after email, insisting that his paper be read and graded to eliminate his anxiety. Poking a bear was too dangerous when he was this close.

So when he woke up one morning, late in December, only a few days from New Years and saw a notification from his email, he knew that it was finally time to see how close he had come to his goal. It was 7:00 am on the weekend, but he was not about hit snooze this morning when such an important message was sent to his inbox. Steven opened the email immediately sitting up and knocking something off his bed in the process. He held his breath as his eyes scanned over the words carefully. In full, it was a lengthy critique of his writing style, topic choice, and general performance in the class over the course of the last few months. Steven could feel his heart sinking slowly into his stomach as he let his eyes linger on certain words that made him wince: naive, childlike, and confusing. He was waiting for the failing grade with terrible anticipation, sick to his stomach.

_Good Morning Mr. Universe,_

_The course has finally come to an end, and that means that everyone will receive their final grades of the semester. Having you as a late addition to my class was an exciting experience, most likely for both of us. The perspective you provided strayed often from what I generally expect from my students, and this fact made it more challenging to grade any work you turned in. Perhaps I am just of an older generation, use to the ideas put forth by the more jaded teenagers, but most of the work you provided had an optimistic outlook that bordered on naïve. Prime example, after reading The Given most of my students lamented about the main character's death and heavenly ascension while you celebrate his escape into a brand new world of possibility. It was a perspective that I was not personally inclined to believe possible. Most of your reading responses are childlike, perhaps not in writing style or comprehension but certainly in thematic exploration. While most members of the class wrote about the oppressive family systems that are depicted in Raymond and Julio, you chose to approach it in a more light-hearted way by exploring the period’s historical reaction to their union and the authors purposeful exploration of true romantic love which likely required more research then I think was necessary for this project; I just find it personally confusing why you would place the burden of proof so firmly on your shoulders._

_Despite my disagreement with your position on the paper, and the world view your stance presents, I am not a teacher that generally allows my own personal view to obstruct a well-argued position, and your paper was masterfully executed; there were more than enough sited sourced. The points I am about to remove are minor for a simple mistake, but it will give you the motivation to follow directions more thoroughly next time; you used APA citation rather than MLA. The final grade you will receive for this paper is 88%, or a B+, and given your class record; I am pleased to announce that your final grade is a 95% or A. Do thank your father for his previous email, and I hope this message finds you well._

_It has been a pleasure having you in my class._

_Sincerely._

_Gene Havox_

When his eyes flickered over the final grade he faltered slightly:

95%

A

95%

A

**95%**

**A**

Steven Universe flung himself right out of bed with an excited shriek unable to contain himself, his feet floating off the ground with a kind of joy that threatened to send him floating away into the atmosphere. He was finally caught up in his course work, officially a Junior ready to enter his spring semester, and he had his eyes set on one school just outside Beach City limits. Connie, in all of her brilliance and ability, was able to attend St. Eligius Academy, a prestigious and expensive school for the gifted and those that could afford it. Steven Universe was not one who cared for prestige, but he did care for Connie above all else, and he wanted to spend his final high school years with her. The idea of being her high school sweetheart captivated him because his only reference for human love came from watching movies and tv show, or in some cases reading works of fiction which idealized the concept. He wanted to do all the cheesy things he saw couples do in highschool romcoms; he wanted to hold hands in the hall between classes, attend the big football game between rival schools and kiss in the rain on the field. It seemed silly, but he wanted to join a band and be the suave bad boy guitarist (or ukulele-ist?) and Connie the brilliant prodigy violist; the two of them teaching each other a new side of music and a new side of love, he wanted to ask her out to prom and make the night feel magical, Maybe when she turned 18 he could finally ask her to marry him, and the two of them could live as Stevonnie forever just as Garnet lived her life, or separately when they wanted to. He just wanted his life to be fine and perfect for once, and most of all he wanted it to be normal. Movies felt normal, and they always had a happy ending where the boy and girl ended up together. Movies made life feel smooth and formulaic, the danger that he so commonly faced was removed, and life seemed easier to swallow. Steven wanted to be with Connie and have his life feel like a happy ever after, even if it was only for a little while longer. If he wanted that life to begin, he had to get his butt in gear and attend St. Eligius; Connie had of course been drawn in by their highly praised pre-engineering program. All he had to do was get in, and his life as a normal highschooler could begin. No more intergalactic wars, continually living in fear for his life, and so few diplomatic appearances that his life would no longer feel like his life was put on stall. He could finally live for himself, building a foundation with Connie that he could look back at and feel nostalgic.

Steven suddenly grunts when his face smacks into the roof of his room, squishing himself up against the wood. The following laugher alerts him to another person lingering by the stairs and leaning up against his wall. _Oh no_ ….He swiffled around hastily in midair, his back right up against the ceiling, and he saw Amethyst. Moments later he was dropping down onto his bed like a brick, face-first against his pillow. “I wasn’t doing anything. I wasn’t thinking of anyone, anything. My mind is blank.”

Amethyst smirked before approaching the bed to tease him, “Oh no dude, don’t stop on my account I love seeing you like this, all lovey-dovey, floating on air while thinking of your little girlfriend best friend. It adorable.” She leaned over and pinched his cheek as, which he puffed out in annoyance and embarrassment. He looked flustered as he moved quickly to hide his face against his pillow, letting out a frustrated groan.

“I was just….thinking about some personal stuff that I’m happy about. It's not always about Connie,” He loved Amethyst, and he loved Connie, he hated hearing how sweet and gushy his love for Connie was.

“It’s usually about Connie; cloud nine Floaty Steven comes around almost elusively for Connie. She won you a teddy bear at a carnival when you turned 16, and I think you almost floated into space. She said she had to tie a rope around your ankle so you didn’t fly far away from here.” She flapped her arms lavishly while looking amused.

“That was,….one time,” Steven covered his face his cheeks burning and he’s trying not to smile at the memory. The bear had been cute, and the fact that she won it for him had made his chest swell with an unmistakeable pleasant feeling that bled into the real world. Steven started to float off his bed again.

“I don’t know man; your head always seems to end up in the clouds when you think of her, like literally look at you now,” Amethyst tugged on his leg to bring him back down and the boy had the decency to at least look self-conscious.

He gave her a shy smile, “Okay, so sometimes I’m really happy about Connie, sue me. She’s amazing…..I like thinking about her. I do think about other amazing stuff, though.”

“I know! But you have to tell me what it was that had you smacking your forehead to the ceiling. You’re leaving me in suspense, and it's killing me.” Her palm playfully smacked his forehead.

“Well, it wasn’t about Connie…”

“Steven….”

“Okay, it wasn’t entirely about Connie….it just,” A grin splits across his face as he turned over to look at Amythest; she flopped down on her side, so they were both facing each other. It had been a while since they chatted so comfortably, and Amethyst wouldn’t say it out loud, but it was nice to see Steven acting like himself again. Now he felt more familiar, “Okay, it was a little bit about Connie, but that’s not the whole thing okay. I got an A in my English class. The Teacher hated my paper because I was saying that Raymond and Julio loved each other, and it presented a significant cultural impact on society. Like I know, they were young and stuff, but sometimes when you know you know, and so I wrote my paper on how most people write the two off as dumb and impulsive but in doing that erase the autonomy of the characters as well as authors intentions. It laid some serious stones in terms of early representation and….”

“Hold up, Steven. I literally have not read Ray and Jude….”

“Raymond and Julio,” Steven quickly corrected, ready to run off another explanation of the play.

“Yeah, whatever, I don’t need the full rundown of what the book is about, I just need you to tell me what's got you so pumped,” She laughed sounding amused as Steven looked close to vibrating straight off the bed in his excitement.

A grin slipped across his face as he tried to better draw in his emotions. “Sorry Sorry I’m just so excited, and I got carried away. Anyways He hated my paper, but he said it was well written and I had everything sourced properly...just in the wrong format. He gave me a B+, and I’ve been doing so well in class that I got an A in the class. Do you know what that means!?”

Amythest rubbed her neck thoughtfully, “You know as a teacher at little homeschool I think I should but you know my class. So unstructured, so free…I don’t really believe in grades so….ah…”

“It means I more than passed my class, I did fu-” he was quick to clear his throat, Edward was rubbing off on him and he had to be careful. “I did freaking fantastic! My marks are good, and I’m finally caught up to my grade level. You already know about how I want to go to school with Connie….maybe dad could talk to the administration there and….I don’t know….ask them nicely to let me in this semester. There's a whole winter break to wait through. The point is I could be going to a real school next semester. God, you don’t know how long I’ve waited for that, Amythest. I’ve been so excited about going to school with Connie; it's all I’ve been thinking. I’m finally there, I can finally get there with her, and I’m just so….” The boy started to float away and Amethyst snorted but allowed him to just drift into the ceiling.

“That’s great, bud; I’m proud of you. You’ve been working your butt off to get here, and I’m glad it's paying off,” She got off the bed. “How long until I can start calling you Dr. Universe, m.d?”

“What? Haha, oh god, never probably. That takes forever, and I’m only almost done with high school. Asking me to be a doctor is like….I don’t know to make me go for like ten years? I don’t have an accurate reference. Under the Knife isn’t a good judge of real medicine. I’m not that smart I. I don’t know what I’m gonna do when I go to college; I’m still trying to figure that out. Connie will basically be a Doctor Lawyer space President, and I’m just going to be….me, I guess. I’ll figure that out when I get to it, okay? The point is I’m going to a real high schooler and I’m so excited!”

Amythest tugged him into a tight and loving hug, “I mean duh you should be excited! That a big F-ing deal right there. That’s a huge deal, Steven and do you know what that means?”

Steven tilted his head curiously and rubbed the back of his neck, “ah….? I guess I get to get a job or something later in the long term. I get to learn cool stuff in the short term. I don’t know what your asking.”

“Well think like short short term right now,” She started to shake his shoulders excitedly. “we get to celebrate your good grades with a junk good feast of epic proportions! You can’t just ignore the fact that you did something cool. You gotta celebrate even small accomplishments like this. It makes life way better….”

“I don’t know Amythest I….I mean yeah, I’m super excited about this and all, but this isn’t really exciting enough for any kind of celebration. Plus the junk food you like has a lot of sugar in it….”

She took a deep breath and grabbed his shoulders before setting her hands on his chest. She looked him straight in the eye, “Did I just stutter? No ifs, ands, or butts Mister. We are doing this; we are celebrating. Now let's go choke down so much processed sugar and food coloring that we die.

Steven was laughing now as he tried to push her away. “Okay okay, fine, we can have the little party. Maybe I can invite Connie to come to Jam with us for a bit. Ed is invited, of course, cuz he lives here and that would be kind of rude if we didn’t invite him.”

“Huh? Oh yeah, where is the new official member of the shorty squad….?” Amethyst said brightly and there came a suspicious groaning from the floor followed by an annoyed hiss.

“Oh no….Oh no.....I think I may have knocked Edward off the bed,” Steven whispered in a bewildered tone. “I heard the thunk of something on the floor but I thought if it was him he would have said something. Oh, God, and I think you made it worse. He’s an unofficial member of the squad remember?”

Amethyst and Steven, both peaked over the edge of the bed curiously and found Edward lying in a heap on the floor; he was wedged between the clothes hamper and the bed frame but he had not made a move to remove himself. The boy looked like a terrible sight, his hair splayed everywhere, the general silkiness of the strands was gone. There were snarls feathered through his hair making it look like a matted mess, that he hasn’t taken a brush to it in days. His complexion was paler than usual and it contrasted starkly with the deep dark bags under his eyes, which seemed to be peaked open to stare at the two with vague discontent.

“Dude…..is he dead…?” Amythest asked as she leaned over and pokes his face.

“Not….shorty….” he mumbled so quietly that his words barely met their ears.

“No no, that sounds like life noises. Ed…I didn’t mean to knock you off the bed this time I swear, I just assumed you took the couch last night,” Steven hopped from his seat on the bed and landed just next to Edward, when he didn’t get a proper response he found himself worrying slightly. “Um hey, you doing alright there buddy? You’re looking a little….off I guess? When was the last time you slept? Did you sleep last night? I don’t remember going to bed, so you need to be a good friend and give me the heads up on what happened.”

Edward rolled over to look at his friend, his eyes droopy and a bit and bloodshot as saliva clung to his lips. “I look fucking awesome, leave me alone.”

“Right, that doesn’t really answer the question, though. How much sleep did you get last night?” Steven asked hesitantly.

“I don’t know…..” the boy tried to draw his fingers through his hair only to have it catch on the many tangles knotted there, he started to ramble. “I think maybe an hour or two. Its hard to tell because I was in and out of it. I was looking at some of the Gem glyph books Pearl got us, and man, your mom, has a fucked up sense of humor. I found one book called _‘The Art of Jewelry Making,’_ that’s funny. Its really fucked up but its funny. I think your mother had a human friend named Thomas Marcot, or a lover. It's hard to tell from just reading parts of his journal. It doesn’t matter though, I’m fine and good to go for the day. I’ll just catch up on sleep later tonight.”

“You said that the last few nights?” Steven looks worried and exasperated. “Go back to bed; I’ll get you up when you don’t look like a well-placed poke could tip you over.”

“Fuck you, mister functional four hours,” Ed tried to sit up but slumped over only moments later, leaning on the hamper. “I’m going to rewrite all your schedules and break your alarm clock. Just unlock that magic box of yours, and you'll be in trouble Mr. Hypocrite.”

“Functional four hours…..” Steven stood up with a huff and threw his arms up. “Oh my god….that's….that's different. I have things I need to get done, but I make sure I get to sleep. I schedule it in, so I don’t look like you at the end of the week!”

Amythest peaks over the bed and leaned her chin on her arms, “I don’t know man. I’ve seen you look worse some nights. Maybe you both need a bedtime or something?”

Steven looked a little flustered, “You….you. I didn’t ask you. We are talking about Ed’s sleeping habits right now. We can talk about mine at a later time if it comes up, but for right now, I’m trying to fix Ed right now.”

“I don’t need fixing, you need fixing. Shut up….” Edward's eyes tingled and burned with the desire to fall against the strangely comfortable floor. “Shut up, I don’t need this right now. I’ll go to sleep later. Let's do that junk thing that your sister wanted to do again. Whatever it was… ..Junk stuff food…”

“My sister?”

“Yeah, the purple girl. _Amythest is like a sister to me, when I was little she and me were so much alike even if she was a little gross. We were both just figuring the world out and stuck in an unstable, constantly changing environment. We were the worse crystal gems together. Sometimes she got all messed up, and sometimes I got all messed up, but we were messed up together and we helped eachother. She was the only one who ever tried to shelter me from all the emotional stuff happening in the house…._ ”

“Awww Steven, I’m your sister?” She squished herself against Steven, hugging him and ruffling his hair. “Does that mean you love me!?”

“What? No. Yes. What? I think we covered this before. Ed stop reading my journal to everyone!”

“Man, you agreed to let me use this as a reference for learning how to translate. This is on you.” He tossed the little pink book at Steven, and it bounced softly of his chest. “ I didn’t say anything you don’t already have written there.”

Steven sounded exasperated and ruffled Ed's hair forcing the other teen to squish his face to the floor. “Sleep, before you blab all my personal secrets you goblin.”

“Is that a short jab?”

“It’s something jab.” Steven sighed, throwing himself back onto his bed before looking over at Amythest. “A little help here? He’s being really stubborn.”

“Huh you don’t say? Remind me of someone I know….” She shook her head calmly before getting off the bed. “Alright, I’ll have mercy on both of you. Pick him up, throw him over your shoulder, and lets head to my room. He going to eat so much that he’ll puke and then pass out. I use to do it all the time”

“I don’t really think that’s the healthiest solution to this problem, Amythest,” Steven said with some hesitation. “Maybe we can do this without making him sick?”

“Fine fine, give him that junky goodness and watch his sugar rush and crash, after. He'll sleep like a baby.” She cooed as she shifted into an infant while walking away. This drew a small laugh out of Steven, his mind a little more at ease while he looked at her. “Now come into my abode and we can get this party started.” She knocked at her room before it cracks open, and the place was revealed.

“Okay, but nothing expired. He’s human and ah….yeah, I’ve seen you choke down a decaying taco,” He hoisted Edward up lazily on his shoulders despite the smaller teen’s protests. “I want him to sleep, for like a good 8 hours. Not a good 8-year coma, okay?”

“That taco was delicious, and I would never take it back. But fine. Only the freshest junk food for his royal highness. Come with me to the food piles….I’ve done some organizing since you last visited.” She sounded accomplished.

Steven looked around, amused. “It does look cleaning in here, Huh maybe I can find my dad’s junk around here. Does it have its own pile?”

She looked a little sly as she spoke, “Yeah I think I’ve seen his _junk_ recently…”

There a long pause between them before the realization struck on him hard and a mortified look spread across his face. A vague recall to his youth revealed a similar statement as he shoved her playfully. “Don’t be gross!”

“I was only saying that his stuff was somewhere in the room, nothing else.” She waved him off as she headed deeper into the mountains of trash and belongings.

“Yeah, sure, sure.” He gave her a sideways neutral look of disapproval as he adjusted Edward on his back, who groaned quietly. “You doing alright back there?”

“I’m fine.” Ed said curtly as his lips thin out slightly, his eyes finally take the time to explore the room. Some of the piles go higher than the tallest buildings in central and watching as they walk by them was a little disorienting. “Where are we?”

“We're just in Amythest's, don’t worry about it,” Steven said mildly. “We're just gonna have heavy lunch, and then you’re gonna go to bed. Because you kind of look like….um….cr-ud, just cruddy. I’m trying to be a good friend, so don’t take this personally.”

“Heh, honestly, I think he looks like crap.”

“Amythest!”

“Relax Pearl’s not here, and someone’s got to be honest. Lil’ Edward needs a nap.”

“I’ll….kill you…” Edward reached out towards her with a shaking hand that goes limp and flops down beside him. “eventually…probably…”

“See man you can’t even threaten people talking shit about you. A clear sign that somethings up….” Amythest waved towards him. “After you’ve had some sleep, Steven can work his protag love and friendship magic on you, you can talk, you both can cry and then life can go on. Now tell me Ed are you more of a Law’s chips or giraffe cakes kind of guy? We can go from there.”

“I have no idea what either of those things are…”

“Okay, so Law’s chips is like this really good chip brand that I like to buy and Amythest steals. They have all sorts of flavors like wasabi, and rib roast. They also have sweet pickle flavor, which is my personal favorite.” Steven mused. “And giraffe cakes, they're kinda like….these sweet white cakes with crème in the middle and melted chocolate glaze around it in the pattern of a giraffe.”

“Fuck if I know what a giraffe is. What's that…?” Ed lazily flopped down off of Steven's back and used his friend as a balance.

Steven gave him a displeased look, “You gotta know what a giraffe is….”

“Is that like….an animal or something?” Ed's voice was tired as he leaned up against a pile of frozen dinners that weren’t very frozen anymore.

Steven and Amethyst shared a look. Steven said hesitantly, “You really don’t know, do you…”

Edward started to drag his fingers through his blonde locks, ripping out some of the tangles in his hair. The hair frayed, split in an ugly ends way. “I might have seen one in a book once. Hard to say or whatever, might have just been a tall horse. Don’t look at me.”

It was because of this comment that the plans shifted slightly from a pure celebration to a somewhat lazy day of educational exploration. Edward still refusal to sleep, but instead of the stressed wobbling around the room he had been doing before, he spent these hours tucked into Steven’s side as the other teen lazily scrolled through _colored_ giraffe pictures and crystal clear videos that left the tired blond mesmerized. Steven’s phone was the perfect instrument of distraction for Edward, and Steven used this to his advantage.

It was….unusual…and pleasant for Edward to sit so close with Steven. Unusual because looking back at his life, he had rarely felt so inclined to be so close in the warmth of another person. Alphonse had always been the one expectation; up until the night before he was set to travel with Mustang. He recalled sitting on Winry’s couch together, the two of them reading quietly in each other's company; Alphonse had been having trouble with regulating heat due to his slender form and Edward had thoughtfully hugged his emaciated bother closer to his seemingly larger frame to help rectify the problem. Edward was tucked so similarly into Steven's side that it created a weird kind of false nostalgia. It was pleasant because Steven was warm and larger than him, though Edward refused to call himself small for the sake of argument. Edward by no means needed protection but something was reassuring about having that extra presence there. He knew someone had his back, and if necessary he would have Steven’s back.

It was in the third hour, Edward still unwilling to sleep or even talk about his problems, that the situation once again escalated. Steven was no longer showing him giraffes but instead had slipped into exploring many different animals: some typical such as cats and dogs, hamsters and canaries, while others felt different though he could put his finger on why. Steven had stumbled across a blog filled with a variety of lizards, and Edward had felt compelled to stare at them with mild interest. Steven had initially planned to skip by this particular animal, worried that he’d see a poor little armless snake and tear up without rational reason, but when he saw how oddly content Edward looked watching the videos, he thought better of it. Who would have thought a random video of a leopard gecko pattering across a titled floor could bring such a content smile to Edward's face? The longer the videos played, the more tired Edward became but the stressed exhaustion was so close to slipping away and letting him rest in peace. Perhaps the dreams could be put off a while longer, maybe a more rested mind would have better luck analyzing the things he saw in his addled brain. Edward may even have better luck if he asked Steven for help and explained the situation at least in part.

The atmosphere held an air of calm as they sat there in relative comfort, Edward quietly comparing his level of trust in Steven with his level of necessity in this current situation. On one hand, Edward was confident that his current predicament was not of the usual sort; people did not often dream so vivid and bold, wondering solemnly if their body hosted memories of another person inside their head. On the other hand, he doubted Steven would be so inclined to mock him for such theories, and perhaps he could provide a perspective more in-line with the possibilities of this world. Choosing to allow Steven into his fold, explaining a little bit about himself at least at the bare minimum, was a calculated risk he had to decide if he was willing to take. Could he free fall into his friend’s confidence or would he keep his problems close to his chest.

Edward remained awake next to Steven, not quite wide awake but his eyes were open and his awareness though dulled by the comfortable setting was focused enough that he might call himself conscious. Steven's left arm was loosely wrapped around, resting at his side while his right remained in front of them, a thumb scrolling through gifs and videos with a pleasant absentmindedness.

“Wanna know a fun fact?” the arm tightened up on Edward slightly, squishing the smaller teen against his side in a firmer hold. It was not painful but Ed felt somewhat restricted as a calming voice lingers in his ear. “Gecko's feet are sticky because they can literally insert themselves between the molecules of the surface they walk on.

Edward gave a tired grunt response which his captor took as a prompt to continue, the tone remains even and matter of fact. “Draco lizards can expand their ribs out in order to glide, 190 feet upward and up to 30 feet in distance.”

Twisting and twining the arms seem to bind him to the other boy's side, “And I think it's pretty interesting that crested geckos have to shed the skin on their eyes because they don’t have any eyelids."

“Lizards can get pretty sick, there’s this disease,” the grip no longer felt naturally tight, it almost like ropes were wrapped around him as discomfort started to rise. A hand pat against Edward's stomach. “Called cryptos that coats the lining of the digestive system and prevents them absorbing any nutrients. They just waste away into nothing.”

“The horned lizard can squirt blood from their eyes when approached by enemies,” Edward's lips part, ready to protest but his words died in this throat, his mouth suddenly dry. “They don’t commonly do this towards humans though, its preserved for canids and felids: real threats, not itty pipsqueak threats like you.”

Edward turned his head sharply, his face burning and red with anger at his comment, “Hey if you’re going to be an asshole why don’t you just shut…up…”

He was not pressed against Steven’s side, the large soft body of the boy who he had been lying against only moments before was gone replaced by a boney but familiar physique. Black hair was not tufted out around this head like soft wool, green hair halos from his head sharp and stuck out in wild disarray. Steven’s arm weren’t wrapped around him, stripped hose-like appendages were twisted around his body like black and white banded snakes constricting the air out of his lungs.

“Come on pipsqueak don’t be like that…” a smug grin showed starkly on their lips, their head tilted back to allow the green hair to fall away from their familiar face. “I’ve got a lot of fun facts to share if you. just. stayed. still.”

_Envy…_

Panic rose in the boy as arms wrapped around him tighter, his throat constricting unable to breathe despite the hands not resting against his neck. Edward worked upon impulse, his muscles jerking involuntarily as his head slammed back and up, his skull connecting with his would-be attacker’s face with a solid crack. Arms let go in an instant and Edward crawled away, trying to collect his thoughts long enough to plan his next strike. He just had to hide, just long enough for his adrenaline to kick in and then maybe….

“What is wrong with you?!” Came a scream from behind him, directed at him accusatorily. Strangely the energy Ed thought would come in his time of need was already quickly waning before it even came to be.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” The panic was ebbing away slowly, and Edward found he felt sick to his stomach; that was not Envy’s voice he heard behind him though it sounded muffled despite being only a few feet away. “Go check on him, cracked against me pretty hard.”

Edward turned his head, and his lips pursed together as he stared at Steven still sitting where they had been only moments before, his head tilted back with a cloth held against his nose; blood soaking through the rag and his shirt underneath. Edward had not attacked Envy in self-defense, he had smacked back against Steven in unwarranted terror; things were escalating and Edward no longer knew what he needed to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will not be posting again this week, in the following days, I will be revising these chapters only slightly to make sure everything is on track. I will try to post on the 14th if possible. The next chapter involves Connie so that should be fun.


	7. Borrowed Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward remembers things that didn't happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Sorry for the late-term update to the story. I had originally planned to work on this earlier and upload two weeks ago but as you know the world has become quite strange in the last month. I am perfectly fine but due to some at-risk factors, I am self-quarantining. Beyond that, I was not so certain that I would continue to have a paycheck for my fulltime job. It appears I will not be receiving a paycheck so if you are so inclined and able to act as my Patron feel free to.  
> https://www.patreon.com/user?u=31282102&fan_landing=true  
> -regardless if I get any money from this, I will continue to update because honestly what else is there to do right now.  
> 2\. I continue to adore fan art and I have been posting Strawbebe's art early on my Tumblr, as well as a few other pieces done by another artist. If any of you would like to follow me, you will receive regular updates and plan changes that reflect my schedule.  
> https://gemstonegold.tumblr.com/  
> 3\. Please comment, Kudo, bookmark, and subscribe: I'm so bored send help.  
> 4\. Also wash your hands, social distance and stay safe.  
> 5\. I personally apologize for how long this chapter is; it was longer before I removed some scenes.  
> 6\. The art for this fiction was once again drawn by Strawbebe  
> feel free to commission her or just look at her art: https://strawbebehmod.tumblr.com/

_There exists a central point outside of the confined, and in-between the endless,_ _where time and space have no meaning; this place acts as an automail shop without walls though it hosts many doors._ _In this between a being is sat tinkering in their shop well aware that there are no walls but somehow all the freer for it and aware that there are endless doors. With that knowledge, they are able to utilize their materials for a greater purpose. The doors fall apart, dismantled by touch; king Midas that did turn things to gold, this Automail maker can turn anything to gears. The doors are repurposed by intelligent hands into seemingly insignificant fragments set upon their workbench arranged and divided into the necessary pieces for the important projects placed upon a desk that may or may not even exist. Each segment from the doors, a gear or bolt necessary for the functionality of the automail, so that a finger may move or a wrist might roll, a toe curled or a knee to bent. The removal of a piece may not necessarily mean that the machinery is made useless though it does mean that it hinders the functionality of said machinery if the part does not exist in a place or falls out of place over time._

_The automail maker has made many automail, they have lost track of how many they have made. When each project came to completion the treasure was set aside untouched by its creator for the duration of its creation; the models came full circle surrounding the automail shop where the automail maker sat tinkering at their desk. Somehow the circle was perfectly symmetrical and intricate in ways that would bring Alchemists and Jewelers to tears with the perfection it presented. Many models were made by this maker, legs, and arms of many sizes with the insides looking similar in some cases and dissimilar in others but no two models were alike completely. The automail maker enjoyed watching how a single difference may affect the model as a whole; they rarely intervened unless their creations intervened first. The maker made sure that they were unlikely to intervene again, testing them to see if they understood why they were made._

_Some automail is complex and other models have a fine-tuned simplicity; neither can be called better than the other and the maker has no favorite model or make. They enjoy each and every unique design that comes to mind. Similar models are placed with similar models to keep the flow of the circle going in formation. Sometimes they put parts into place together to watch them grind and function while the panel is up, and see how the fingers flex, or the elbows bend, or wrists roll. One combination they are quite fond of is when they take from the copper and gold doors in their shop and place one gold gear next to one copper piece; they then watch how the two complement in color and design, though the function is the most important element of this integration. This is something that the automail maker has done hundreds of thousands of times, placing them in different models in different places but somehow the effect was always more interesting than pulling them apart. The function of the automail may not always be better than other models, but when the automail maker took breaks to watch models move, their eyes always seemed to come back to these two._

_When the creator placed a piece aside that was generally the end of their direct influence on the creation; after they were finished tinkering, sometimes the newest masterpiece got lost among their many masterpieces. The automail did not wait for its creator to return; knees and elbows bent, fingers and toes curled, wrists and ankles all continued to roll without their hands to guide the pieces. Eternities later the creator may come upon these works because of a similar piece was ready to be placed in the section most like it. They might look upon their old work with curiosity, amused or bemused by what had come of their creations. Sometimes bolts came loose or gears ground down, wires wore away and frayed in such a way that whole sections might melt and malfunction; all function may cease to be. Some pieces fell out of place, so a finger or a toe no longer curled. Even when the automail maintained all functionality at peak capacity it did not mean it was untouched by time or by other parts acting upon it. The normal wear and tear upon the pieces, against the haul and against each other showed that despite staying in place, everything changed ever so slightly even in little ways by the influence of other parts of the whole; that was the truest truth that the automail maker could provide to us._

* * *

For every choice you’ve ever made, there was a reality in which you chose differently or didn’t choose at all. Every left taken, also gave way to the right direction, and for every right answer given, it has also been wrong. The same person lives, breathes, and dies a million lives without knowing it. They share a similar face or soul, but their histories diverge, if only slightly or almost entirely. Some die young, others watch their family die, and still, there were those who never existed, to begin with. Such was the reality of the multiverse. There have been countless numbers of Steven Universes, a rose by many other names could be just as sweet; sometimes he's been a Diamond and other times he’s been a Demayo. His first and last name holds no central force in the universe as his soul does, and a soul as warm as his wherever it is placed plays upon the souls around him. His history is always diverging, his choices may always be different, but whoever he is in life finds a way to make a difference.

By a similar vein, there have been countless Edward Elrics, paths often diverging drastically in worlds where many people try to play god. There is no such thing as a universal constant beyond the living soul, but diverging realities and commonalities can emerge. Perhaps there are worlds where Edward Elric was Edward Hohenheim, but his father still left him in search of an answer bigger than himself. Perhaps there are worlds where Edward Elric found his soul in a suit of armor, but still fought to reform his brother’s missing limbs before his own. Maybe there are worlds where Alphonse is not Alphonse and Edward is not Edward, and they are not brothers by blood but they remain brothers by bond. 

Some scenarios were par for the course, so common that truthfully they might not be a constant but they were more than common. Steven, when the son of a Diamond, found himself raised by his human father and trained by the family his mother found; when balanced between humanity and gem kind, he leaned more human than Gem, he often grew compassionate towards everyone around him, even if it was not to his benefit. His kindness would extend to those that treated him well and those who hurt him, and little by little Steven Universe may find himself worn down like a mid-sized gear. Edward Elric, when his mother was gone, found himself raised by anyone but his father and trained by the military; when balanced between the concept of fight or flight, he leaned into a fight even when there was no reason to fight or flea from his family. His mistrust runs deep, and his trust extends to few whether they treat him well or hurt him; it's like a gear grinding against the haul because he has no one else to fight. In the case of both boys, in universes where one is too compassionate and pushy and the other fails to find trust but is willing to fight, we get the unfortunate outcome of pain and guilt: Edward in fear of something he does not understand may very well strike out against Steven, without being able to explain his violence his and Steven in all his loving compassion would likely end up fearing for the smaller boys pain over his own while pushing him too far for answers.

When presented with the hallucination of Envy wrapping his arms around Edward in a constricting serpent-like grip, trapping him in place, Edward fought first and fled, planning for a fight without thinking of the repercussions. He was too caught up in his own adrenaline to realize that half the battle was all in his head. When presented with the sight of a fearful Edward, crawling away looking like a wounded animal, confused and frightened, Stevens was quick to reassure him even with his shirt blooded and ruined.

When it dawned on Ed that there was no foe to fight, but a friend he hit in his undue fear caused by memories he could not understand, his next response was to flee. He was quick to lock himself in a bathroom fearing the consequences of his actions and any further actions he could take against Steven if the larger boy came to close to him.

For the briefest moment, unlike the dreams brought about by sleep and forced unconsciousness, Edward had seen Steven as Envy and had wholeheartedly believed the image to be true. The feelings had been so dangerously mixed, so confusing and confounding that they could not be rationalized in the moment leading to Edward’s knee jerk reaction. Edward felt affection for Steven, and fear for Envy, twisting the two feelings together into something unrecognizable. Even though the image of Envy had faded, the peculiar feeling remained and because this Edward locked himself in the bathroom to avoid Steven, Steven felt himself pushing back against a wall between them. Being close to someone physically is a gift, and so far, Ed had been willing to indulge Steven’s closeness but being close beyond the physical is a prize, something that needed to be earned. Edward could no longer be physically close to Steven, and he could not trust Steven enough to tell him why.

Ed sat back against the door, his lips pressed firmly into a thin line unwilling to move a muscle, lest a childish sob slip between his lips. Had he grown weak in the months after saving Amestris? Why did he feel so much pain when his eyes were set upon the shark-toothed shapeshifter; why couldn’t he piece together his own feelings while sat there trapped in the claustrophobic room. Steven knelt there on the other side of the door trying to treat the situation gently and coax the smaller teen out but it proved ineffective. “It's okay, I’m okay. It didn’t hurt that much. My nose is fine, practically already healed. My face heals fast, I didn’t even bruise.”

A breath caught in Edward's throat, making his breathing shutter as his fingers firmly clasped against his mouth unwilling to make an ungodly noise that might make him sound weak or feel weaker than he did at this moment.

“If you open the door you’ll see that,” Steven pressed on trying to push him into the big reveal that he himself was used to. His enemies seemed so much quicker to reveal their misconceptions about the world and himself. He just wanted to know why Edward was hiding from him. “I’m not mad, you’re not in trouble. I just want to talk about this.”

Edward remained silent, stoic almost as he curled up inside the bathroom, vaguely trembling. He turned his eyes down towards his hands, staring at his own shaking with mild interest. A few water droplets, dripped down out of nowhere onto Edwards gloves and they soaked into the fabric, he rubbed at his face realizing that he was crying for reasons he could not explain. He spoke to himself more than Steven, “Pull yourself together, you don’t fall apart like this.” 

Steven’s hand came to rest against the wood knowing the boy could hear him, because he had heard Edward. “I can help you, please Ed. I know how to pull someone together. I’ve helped Garnet do it a ton of times.”

Edward tried to ignore Steven’s words, he rested his head between his knees, trying to regulate his breathing and push down a panic that he had never felt before. He felt fear before, the danger of impending death but this was different, the situation was different and he could not explain the tightness in his chest that seemed to constrict around his heart. Was he dying? His hands came to rest on the back of his head, as he curled inward on the world, trying to ignore it.

“You don’t have to go through this alone,” Steven dragged his knuckles down the length of the door, whispering reassurance though his voice seemed to be cracking now. “If you need me to do something…please let me help.”

“Shut up!” Edward howled in desperation, continuing to overlook him, hoping to handle whatever was happening to his body on his own. “Go away!” 

He tried to get his thoughts together and calm his rapidly beating heart while he sucked in air like he had been somehow drowning. The boy was too tired to think clearly, which made his reactions all the more volatile and this twisted feeling deeper than his sleep-addled brain could comprehend. The panic made his thoughts rapid but disjointed and difficult to follow, his lack of sleep made thoughts nearly incoherent and deepened the panic, the panic came full circle and could not allow him to sleep.

Still even if could not hear Steven’s words now, comprehension of language temporarily dampened, his voice was still buzzing in his ear like a mosquito. Edward’s teeth ground together in frustration as his nails dug into the top of his head and tears continued to lazily flow down from his eyes. He needed something to focus him, settle his mind if only for the moment so this feeling of deep dumbfounding despair could slip away. The periodic table often settled his mind but it had been so long since he needed to recite it; generally, it came to mind with incredible ease but his sleep-deprived brain could only offer up a few elements out of order and without detail. He needed something fresher, information that stuck in his mind more recently. Ed could hear his friend still speaking through the door but Edward set his hands over his eyes and started to recite a recent passage he could quite easily recall from Thomas Marcot’s journal:

His voice shook terribly and felt so unfamiliar to him, “There are many rules in terms of jewelry making that the common Jeweler would be wise to follow when setting out on a new project.

  1. Synthetic gems, while beautiful, are of a lower quality than naturally formed Gems. They lack the luscious sheen that most jewels have naturally and are often weaker than the gem they are trying to mimic. While Jewelers may find use of artificial pieces, that they themselves have made, I recommend only using the highest quality materials for your craft.
  2. Gems by category are unique when looking at their refractive index, dispersion, specific gravity, hardness, cleavage, fracture and luster. There are ways to affect some of these characteristics to make gems unlike how they were mined or more like gems of a different variety. A jeweler doing this to a gem is not only dangerous in some cases, but also unfair to the gem itself. If a ruby is mined as a ruby, it should remain a ruby regardless of the piece it is placed in.
  3. It is unwise to split gems in half, placing one half of the gem in the jewelry you create. Keeping the unused half separate and without purpose is a waste of good material. If a quality Gem is created, and perfect for placement, it should be placed in the jewelry whole.
  4. If your material is broken, a jewel shattered and unusable, it is best to remove it from your toolbox. If the shards remain in your toolbox you run the risk of pricking your fingertips on pointed ends. Mending a shattered jewel is nearly impossible, and when pieces are far too small to utilize in more creative ways, it is best to lay to rests these ruined materials.
  5. Some jewels of different categories, cuts, and colors work nicely in a piece together, others do not but it is easy to tell what pieces do work and pieces do not. If they work well together, the jewelry will be of high quality and priceless. If the two or three or four or more gems do not work well together than they might clash in ways that are painful to the eye and soul.
  6. A jewelry maker may take pride in what they have created, but they must never be prideful or cocky in their creations. They fine-tune what is already made by divine hands.
  7. ….



The seventh rule had been unreadable to Edward, written in language that the boy did not yet understand; neither Amerstrian nor Gem Glyph but something flowy and accented. His inability to reach the scrip pressed upon his mind in a way that made him feel ill, almost dizzy as the room spun around Ed, giving boy terrible vertigo. He ran through the rules one by one, but the stress of the missing piece pressed upon him as though the pattern were broken unceremoniously; instead of having the calming effect, he had desired it only heightened his stress as Steven pressed on with little success. Ed’s throat tightened, and tears pricked at the corner of his eyes no matter how he tries to stem the flow; the panic was building up inside him in such a way that he could not tell up from down or left from right. There was a sudden movement out of the corner of his eyes, and his head snapped to attention as his body pushed up from the ground. The lights in the bathroom started to flicker on and off, glowing brighter like neon and dimming to nothing; at their brightest, he was blinded but whenever darkness claimed the room there was still a soft glow resting on the mirror in front of him. Wings fluttered out from the mirror, out of the surface and disappeared back inside. He could still hear Steven at his back-- and Envy at his back-- both calling his name so similarly toned that his stomach twisted uncomfortably unable to understand what was happening to him. Envy’s voice started to echo in the bathroom now reaching beyond the door, both behind Edward and in front of him, trapped inside the mirror. The lights for the final time brightened and burst, sending the room into darkness making it impossible for Edward to ignore his butterfly; he stumbled slowly towards the light, his legs feeling like jelly and he gripped the sink to keep from falling forward. Finally, he looked up into the mirror to see Envy reflected back at him, scowling as the homunculus smashed his fist against the glass with terrible force.

“I’ll kill you; I’ll kill you, you monster!” The mirror seemed to be cracking, Envy’s voice was rising; slipping between rage and mania. “You don’t know what I’m capable of until you steal from me. You stole from me! I’ll kill you!”

Bile spilled from Edward’s mouth, into the basin where his hand shakily reached up and turned the knob, washing the sick away; the nasty taste linger on his tongue. Pounding turned to pulsing as the mirror cracked and spiderwebbed out, Envy’s voice only now fading out leaving Steven’s voice in his ear. He splashed water on his face, cool and shocking, but necessary for him to compose himself. Edward his eyes turned upward towards the mirror, and the cool feeling of the water was quickly replaced with an ice-cold feeling as he no longer saw Envy screaming in his face; the image before him was his own face but distorted so completely that it no longer looked like him. Instead, it looked so much like the beast he had seen only days before, horned and inhuman, a monster that made his body shiver and shake for reasons that he could not now place. It was not the beast from weeks before, merely like the beast and as he shifted and swayed in the view of the mirror so did the creature in front of him. His teeth protruded out like fangs from top to bottom leaving his mouth agape unable to close but when his finger moved over them, he felt nothing under the pads of his thumbs. When he slid his hands over his head, he did not feel horns like the mirror suggested, all was an illusion in his head and it was too difficult to tell reality from fiction without his eyes to guide him. His right hand lifted from the sink, where little indents dipped into the wood and ceramic, clear that he had been gripping it tightly under his fingertips. With one fast strike, the mirror shatter and everything around him shattered so spectacularly into a blackness that the sound left his ears ringing into unconsciousness.

* * *

When Edward finally awoke, he was lying in Steven’s bed, staring up at the ceiling uncertain of how he had gotten there. His chest was no longer tight to the point of dire distress, and his breathing came easier but his mouth was dry and his eyes itched and stung. A clear aching in his head drew him further into awareness, throbbing underneath his temple as his eyes open to minimal light. The curtains were drawn shut, and only the slightest trickle of light streamed into the room, leaving Edward unable to see anything but vague shapes. He sat up slowly, the sheets shifting off his body until his upper half was exposed. He realized his coat had been removed and wasn’t sure when it had been set aside but at least his gloves and shirt had remained firmly on his frame. He coughed quietly trying to clear his throat and he rubbed at his eyes; sound pricked at his ears and he slowly lifted his head to see two shadowy figures sat at the end of the bed. It made Edward nervous, not being able to see in the dark with how strange the visions had seemed. Were the shadow real or were they merely scenes conjured up by a mind that didn’t feel wholly his.

The shadows whispered, just below the audible to his ears and Edward could feel a low sense of paranoia slowing digging into his brain and making him hold his breath. He had been dealing with monsters trying to kill him his whole life, so now when he knew nothing of a situation and knew little of his company, old instinct rose up to fill in the gaps. If the shadows weren’t real than he was just sat in fear, paralyzed by something that could not hurt him. If the shadows were real, however, then they could hurt him and he was just sitting by and letting things happen. 

Edward’s hands twitched nervously, unable to form a firm grip on the sheets wrapped around his legs, but he shoved the covers away once he finally got a grip on _himself._ He swung his legs over the side of the bed and grit his teeth, forcing himself to stand up on legs that felt unsteady-- like a boat on rocky waters and one wrong move would make him sink. His ears roared, the sound of whispering stopped but that might not be because the shadows had stopped speaking. Perhaps the blood rushing in his ears was drowning out anything that he could hear as he walked towards the two figures. They were large, massive even, bulky like beasts and he was nothing but a little lamb put out to slaughter; the nervousness dipped into irate indignation. The thought annoyed him even if it was his own; to think of himself as little or weak and these monsters as murderous and strong made him sick to his stomach with anger. The anger rose and heated with every step he took towards the monsters. Edward would not let himself be a victim, he was not going to let himself die at the hands of something unknown to him.

So Ed clenched his teeth tightly together, his lips pulled back in a look of intense intimidation, and he grabbed the smaller of the two shadows at the end of his bed. His movements were swift, a hand shooting out to grab at the creature, wrapping his fingers around the softness of fur… no fabric… and with a quick and practiced pull, the figure was forced from the bed and slammed into a nearby dresser. The creature crumbled there, back struck against wood which splintered and creaked before falling down to his knees. A soft orange glow emitted from Edward's left hand as he pulled back a fist ready to strike down and knock out the first of his two would-be-attackers. His fist came down quickly, ready to deal a blow upon the monsters maul but he stopped short of hitting someone’s face. Steven’s face glowed faintly in the dark in; a pink that Edward hasn’t seen since the first day he arrived. They were both panting, but Steven seemed unable to catch his breath as his eyes showed a newfound fear— fear of his friend and an ill feeling dropped into Edward’s stomach like a stone. The smaller boy stumbled back and fell against the floor with a thud as the orange glow from his hand dissipated; light finally filtered back into the room. Garnet was standing by the window with the curtains drawn open, her expression slightly strained but her eyes remained hidden by her visor making her face a little less readable.

Edward allowed his own eyes to close and when he spoke his voice was hoarse, “How long?”

“Heh?” Steven faltered slightly, staring at his friend with uncertain eyes; he peeked over at Garnet looking for some kind of reassurance. “How long what?”

“How long was I asleep!?” Ed bit out, feeling bad afterward as he tried to restrain the venom in his voice. He did not want to sound angry; he did not know why he felt so on edge and upset and scared. Envy had been a monster, but no false image of him should have withdrawn such terrible energy from him. He took a deep breath, “What time is it?”

“Oh ugh, I guess it’s only been two hours maybe?” Steven said quietly while moving to get up, almost unphased by the violence of almost being hit only moments before, which unnerved Edward somewhat. “I think it was 9:30 last time I checked but don’t quote me on that until I see a clock.”

The larger teen crawled towards Edward slowly, carefully like the boy in front of him wasn’t a teenager that was ready to hit him, but more like a small wounded bird that he was trying to nurse back to health. That was just the energy Steven gave off sometimes but for obvious reasons, Edward hated the look this time around; it felt condescending and dismissive. Steven seemed to recover from Edward’s attack far too easily. Ed scowled and tried to shift away from him, when a hand came to rest on his head, moving his bangs from his face to look into his eyes. Edward felt uncomfortable with the contact but Steven made a point of setting a firm but careful grip against his chin. His expression was thoughtful and calculating like he’s looking for something that he eventually didn’t find. He let out a breath before he released him.

“Sorry I needed to make sure you weren’t concussed. You really hit your head hard Ed, when I heard the crack, I thought ‘oh heck I cracked your head.’ I didn’t even realize my nose was bleeding until Amethyst pointed it out. I think you might have ruined that shirt but um….that doesn’t matter. I’ve got a ton of other ones. See!” Steven was kneeling near Edward with his hands running down a sky blue shirt, fingers tracing over the star before coming back up to pat against his friend’s face. His nose was perfectly aligned and unbroken, “No damage, no harm done. It healed up pretty much the moment it happened so…. So don’t feel too bad about it, okay? I’m not mad so you don’t have to be sad or anything.”

“I’m not sad about it,” Edward said gruffly as he turned away from Steven unable to look at his pathetic strained face. Something wet was sliding down against his cheek and a growl tore between his lips; his cloth-covered hand moved swiftly to rub away the tears dripping down his face. “I said I’m not sad. I think I just got something in my eye. I don’t know why they’re watering like this.” 

“You’re upset,” Steven attempted to touch his face again but Edward swatted his hand away. It wasn’t hard, the movement was barely a tap but it was a firm request not to be touched even in a moment of comfort. Steven’s face fell but he respected the unspoken request as he withdrew himself from Edward’s space. Why did he have to look like a kicked puppy when trying to make him feel better? “You’re hurting and I don’t know why but I really want to help. You’re my friend…I’m here to help you. Friends do that.”

“Help? Help me! We are friends? Are you really going to call us friends when I almost smacked you a minute ago? I think I broke your nose! I threw you into a dresser and you think we’re still pals!” Edward stared at Steven Owl-eyed. His own doubts were rising back up in his chest, “If you call me a friend, I have not idea who your enemies look like.”

“Hey hey don’t get mad. This sort of thing happens sometimes. Loads of my friends have started out as enemies and tried to kill me. This is just how things go sometimes. Honestly, a broken nose is like the least of my worries.” Steven laughed, but there’s the vaguest strain in the sound that even Garnet picks up on. “Enemies are just friends you haven’t made yet. I’ve already made you a friend so were just going through a rough patch right now. Me and Connie went through one a couple of years back but we worked it out. I know you’re hurting and opening up can be hard but I want you to know that I’m here to help!”

For some reason that both enraged Edward to hear and depressed him. “I’m hurting? Fuck Steven, do you even hear yourself sometimes? You shouldn’t take shit like this from anyone. If anything you should be mad right now, get pissed off! I tried to bash your face this morning and you’re worried about me right now? I was about to hit you again when we were in the dark,” Edward snapped, a swelling of panic and upset rising in his chest hot and furious. He was angry at himself but he didn't know how to release that anger as anything but anger at everyone else around him. He wanted to run away so no one has to deal with his undeserved ire. “Doesn’t that just, mess with you. Don’t you know how messed up that sounds?”

“Oh yeah, I….I realize that.” Steven rubbed the back of his neck like it was no big deal, a smile resting at his lips but Ed can see the twitch at the corner of his lips and the upset hiding in his eyes. Ed knew the smile did not reach Steven’s eyes which looks stressed and tired, so much like the eyes he had just a few weeks ago: exhausted and uncertain. “That’s….my fault, I’m the one who thought it would be a good idea to put you in the dark after your episode. I thought maybe—if I let you sleep everything would be fixed in a few hours. I guess I really didn’t think that one through cuz you were really messed up after you ran off. Like _really_ messed up; you were in the bathroom breaking things and I just….I thought if I just….”

Steven’s own expression tightened, the stress of the situation catching up with him as the conversation became more heated but not heated in the way Edward wanted. Steven’s distress remained on his _friend’s_ behalf, “You were screaming and crying in the bathroom and I didn’t know what to do. It was really scary to hear you sound like that so I tore the door off its hinges. The bathroom doesn’t have a door anymore…or a mirror…or lights so I thought I’d let you know but…yeah, I should have known that just sitting here in the dark was gonna mess with you when you woke up. I know you well enough that just…. I know you get super defensive. You must have had a hard life to be so scared, I can’t imagine what kind of pain you’ve been through to lash out like you do. I should have thought it through, I should have just….gosh I bet you’re even more wound up now. How are you supposed to sleep like this!?”

“You don’t know….you don’t know!” Edward screamed out, he didn't mean to let the words ring out throughout the house. “That’s the keyword here. You don't ‘know’ everything Steven. You don’t know me, You don’t know what I’ve been through. You don’t know what I’m capable of.”

Steven’s expression was pained, the words ripping through him like his body was made of paper and the way he folded in on himself was reminiscent of that. “I’m working on that Ed. I think I’m starting to get you. We’re friends…I just need to try harder. I can work this out between us.”

Ed’s lips thinned out slowly as he watched the frustration and the self-loathing filtered into his friend words. His own emotions are draining into an uncomfortable numbness. “You can’t know me that well. It’s been a month. You think you can but that shit takes time…”

“I’ve made friends in less time. You’re human, this was supposed to be easier,” Steven words choke on the comment. “Please just…..let me do this.”

“We barely know each other's names,” Edward was no longer shouting but the disconnection in his voice was hard to listen to. Steven found himself close to tears. “it's about every ten minutes I turn around and learn another part of your name. Do you really think people can be friends without knowing anything about each other?”

“If you were an enemy gem I would have already…!”

“That’s not how it works….” Edward said coldly, pushing Steven away; he was unwilling to hurt someone like him, a boy so willing to let himself be wounded because of his own naivety. 

“Then how does it work!” Steven’s voice broke, tears finally falling as he reached out towards Edward in desperation. “Please tell me. I want this to work.”

The tension in the room was pushing passed acceptable measures, Edward found himself sitting on his hands trying to cover up a terrible heated orange light rising in the stone embedded in his palm. He had no idea how to answer Steven’s question because he himself did not know the answer; Ed had made friends before but so few of them were his age and those that were his age could not comprehend what he had been through in his life. He could not even articulate how terrible everything had been up until he brought his brother’s body back. Now he could not even see his brother, and somehow that was the cruelest thing the Universe could have done to him.

Steven's hands were in his hair, the slightest pink glow from a few minutes before was now a bright pink flow of light through his entire being; he squeezed the curls of his hair but didn’t tug on them in frustration. He opened his mouth to speak but before a word could slip between his lips a finger was held against his mouth to keep him quiet.

“No more,” Garnet was between them, fingers set to both of their lips.

She needed silence if she wanted to think this situation through; concentration was key but she wasn’t sure it could unlock a full proof solution. For once Garnet felt like she was at a loss, as she sat there all possible futures were blank to her, which she found slightly unsettling. Likely it was because Steven was growing up and she still had to get to know him on his new level, but Edward perhaps played a bigger roll in her sightlessness. Edward Elric was an enigma she was still waiting to figure out, as she had done so many times with Steven. She could see only a few clear futures—half an hour away at most. Even with the larger context of the future being blank before her she could see that further screaming and yelling would only lead to fighting and hurt feelings that might not be undone. Steven was sensitive and Edward was pained, this was not the path towards a future that would benefit the two boys.

Steven spoke with her finger still pressed to his lips, making him mumble. “Um…Garnet….”

“Quiet just a minute, Steven. I am trying to think,” She doesn’t mean to cut him off. The visor hid her true expression, Ruby’s eyes were closed and Sapphire’s eye was wide open considering all the minor possibilities. At this moment she could see about a half-hour ahead of herself: that was not much of a future to consider but it did give her a few options to pick from that might lead to a desirable outcome: At this moment she saw three possible futures:

  1. first, there was the future in which she left this conversation to play out
  2. then there was a future in which Garnet forced Edward to take a nap
  3. finally, there was a future in which she split in two and brought Edward along for her usual business.



The first one she could feel the most strain between her boys; the argument would progressively become more upsetting and unwanted words would be exchanged. It was hard to take something back when you speak it into the universe with such ferocity; she knew that if she left the boys to argue Edward’s sharp words would cut into Steven in ways that could not be fixed with a simple apology. Steven pushing would likely feel like pressure to Edward; though diamonds were born from pressure, human bones could crack under it. Steven would act like he knew Edward better than the boy knew himself and such behavior would upset Ed and force fear into him. He would be angry at Steven for assuming he knew anything about him, regardless of he was right or wrong. The fear of being known would drive him to push Steven away, he would scream at him; in the end, Edward would leave the beach house and since her vision was so close range it was hard to see if he ever returned.

Forcing Edward to nap was also something that made her uneasy because the sleep did not look restful. His muscles would be tense and tight, his eyes may be closed and in the mits of rem but the tears flowing down his face as he called out names that she did not know, felt too private to put himself through. If she forced him to sleep now, his body might rest but his brain would not and the problems that she saw in their relationship remained; the current cracks in their bond could shatter their friendship under pressure.

The final option would be that she just went about her day as she usually did, but with the added option of bringing Edward along. Sapphire would go teach her class on Alternate Universes and Ruby would go oversee her scouts, both babysitting Ed and keeping him away from Steven while the two cooled down. Garnet considered the option quietly, the world falling out of place as she focused her mind on the next half hour. She could not see how Ed’s experience would go with Ruby, she could not even see how Sapphire’s class would end but what she did know was at least in the moment Edward looked calm taking notes and asking questions. He would not be completely focused on her course, she was not fooled as she could see a pink notebook resting open on the sand and an old journal tucked away in one of Steven’s backpacks. Still, it was the best option they had so when she finally came back to herself, her light form was splitting slowly. Ruby’s finger was pressed against Steven’s lips so that he could not argue further and Sapphire finger was set on Edward.

Both boys were quietly regarding her though Edward seemed the most bewildered by the sudden transformation. Sapphire gave him a gentle smile and pulled her finger away before calmly asking. “I think it would be best if the two of you took a break. I think I might know a subject that could interest you, Edward. You want to know more about Gems? How do you feel about attending a class at little Homeworld?”

* * *

In many ways Steven and Edward were quite similar; they both showed a desire to learn and pushed for the pursuit of knowledge independently in impressive ways. Edward, in his youth, was able to perform bizarre alchemic transmutations that were far beyond the capabilities of some adults in the height of their talents. Steven, though he had difficulties accepting his own intelligence, was able to run through an accelerated course of study completing several years of work in just two, testing out of levels with relative ease. Where the two diverged was in there interest in more formal education; Steven was desperate in his desire to enter high school and college, while Edward had never been so interested. 

Sitting in a classroom had always felt awkward to Ed, he never could quite place why. He could sit for hours reading books on iron reformation and elemental transmutation until his legs grew numb and his bones creaked; his mind could focus and absorb this information with relative ease. It was his interest and perhaps a little bit obsessively so but he had little difficulty while seeking this kind of information. It challenged his mind and provided the stimulation he craved; there was nothing he would have rather studied regardless of his end goal. School as a whole was an entirely different beast and had people not known Edward's level of intellect they might have assumed he was a general delinquent. By the time he had started school he had already learned to read and write, something his mother showed pride in, and every year after had been a pain and a trial for Edward; every teacher that kicked him out of class.

There had been one exception to the rule; before Edward and Alphonse had leveled out and sought Izumi as their teacher there was only one teacher that could properly tolerate them and they could properly tolerate her. Miss Abrea was a fine teacher who knew how to deal with all sorts of students and she did not dislike Edward in the slightest despite the boy's constant attempt to disrupt her classroom in new and annoying ways. Edward could never figure out why the teacher put up with him, especially considering how willing he was to push all her buttons that normally pushed teachers over the edge.

Miss Abrea was of a strange sort, she wasn’t originally from Resembool, but she had moved from Central to the countryside upon her college graduation. Few knew why she chose to live in a small town over her hometown but some had suspected and speculated given certain observations that the adults had not overlooked. She was a pretty girl by most standards, birdlike and small, her face slightly pointed and she seemed to be all legs and little body though with the clothing she wore the idea was more amusing than anything else. When she taught class she wore a simple button-up blouse and a long black pencil skirt that expended down towards the ground. While outside of class she deviated from the norm, wearing black slacks and a plain white shirt, perhaps a red petticoat if she were feeling adventurous. She roomed in a boarding house at the edge of town, with a woman she had become accustomed to while living in central and few questioned it and few cared. She was a fine teacher and people wanted her to stay, and for six years she had no real issues and never questioned if she would remain in Resembool. She only gained a touch of doubt upon her tenth year, not when the Elric boys entered her classroom but some three years after they moved on. 

Miss Abrea came upon the Elric brothers in their second year of primary school, and at a terrible time in their life. After the passing of their mother, she had tried her best to give Ed and Al the space necessary to learn and grow in her classroom. She could see a brilliance in them that delighted her; while she respected and revered the folks in Resembool so few took to deeper academic pursuits. Most either preferred working in the fields with their parents upon their graduation or some unfortunately felt that it was required of them if they wanted their families to live comfortably. Those that didn’t work often moved on to larger cities with more resources. Whatever the Elric boys decided to do was fine, but Miss Abrea felt that it was her duty as a teacher to push them towards the pursuit of knowledge and wherever that might take them.

That didn’t necessarily mean she could not grow frustrated with constant disruptions to her classroom. Al was a bit more well-adjusted, a brilliant boy who enjoyed literature and writing, he only became a problem in terms of his brother. This was not due to the fact that his brother was a bad influence or the instigator but rather the two played off each other in such a way that they both came off as little terrors in her classroom; it made the young teacher tired. Miss Abrea adored Alphonse and though Edward grated at her nerves she adored Edward just as much. She just did not quite understand how to handle either of the boys and it would be a few months into her teaching them before she recognized mannerisms and habits that helped her further adjust to them and _helped_ her _help_ them.

She focused on the little details; Edward constantly fidgetted at his desk and twitched in her class on the best of days, staring out the window and hiding alchemy books behind the assigned reading, these days were the easiest to manage. The worse days were days of chaotic energy when their bodies were in the classroom but their minds were not, where Alphonse was too rowdy or Edward was too angry, beyond disruption and into something akin to destruction. Edward etched formulas into desk corners and Alphonse practiced alchemy of class materials without transmuting those materials back into their original forms. These days could not go unpunished because although Abrea was a lenient teacher, she was not a pushover. Alphonse and Edward had been disciplined by teachers before, set in corners or slapped with rulers, but none of them had ever really stuck with the boys beyond promoting a general disdain for the teachers they had. 

Miss Abrea was something different; she was not one to punish harshly in physical ways like some teachers may, she praised when she could and punished when there was nothing else she could do. Her punishments always had lessons behind them; without lessons how could the boys hope to learn from their mistakes? If Edward argued during class, disrupting the flow of her teaching, he was forced to tutor students who fell behind because of his antics. If he threw things around the classroom with his brother, the two would clean up the room while their teacher quizzed them on general topics that pertained to their schoolwork; they almost ways answered correctly whether they had been paying attention during class or not. If their transgression was more minor, fidgeting and inattention, Abrea had individual ways of dealing with the two that she had perfected over the time that she had known them. When Alphonse grew bored and unfocused in her classroom she often distributed more work to him, worksheets often given to students of a higher grade level. Not once after handing these worksheets back, had Abrea had to mark anything wrong, another delight to her. 

This approach did not quite work for Edward who could scale through the problems with ease even at the top level and still managed to be bored in her classroom. Abrea did not back down so easily though; she wanted her students to thrive and if one of them could not do more than survive in her class than she was failing as a teacher. So she took a different approach with Edward. She allowed the young boy to just come into class with his books, sit in the back, and read without incident; she gave Ed a safe place to learn. When there were breaks she sat near his desk and asked questions about what he was reading. Some days he was unreceptive to the communication, turning his books over and giving curt and nervous answers to her inquiries. Other days he seemed more excited, like a light was burning in his eyes bright and brilliant; he sat close to her and opened his books, pointing at pages while his lips moved rapidly in explanation: medical alchemy, anatomy, philosophy. Miss Adrea was almost bewildered to see a boy Edward’s age speak so fluently on the subjects and so she listened to Edward when he spoke. She listened to the boy for months, not understanding all of what he said but she knew it made the child happy to have someone hear him. Every child needed someone to hear them in some capacity. That's why when the boys moved on from her classroom to an apprenticeship with an Alchemist, she had not worried initially. Edward would be listened to by someone who understood him better than she did. Maybe she should have been worried... 

Miss Abrea taught in Resembool for ten years until she retired, six years before she met the Elric Brothers and three years after them. She heard rumors that hurt her to know, none of which were about her, and grew wary of how she spoke with her children. Somehow her heart just wasn’t in it anymore knowing what she knew. In Abrea’s eyes, she had failed them.

* * *

All there was to know exists here and now as Edward sat quietly on the beach surrounded by Gems and people that he did not learn the names of. He was tired and confused but interested in what Sapphire had to say as he held the note up and let his eyes scan over the equations he had written with mild interest. He understood that while he was interested in the subject his brain couldn’t quite wrap around the math she was handing out to the rest of the class, which on some level amazed him because chemistry and mathematics had always been his specialty. Whatever they were handing out now was either too complicated for his sleep-deprived brain to understand or more complex than most humans could comprehend. Even if Sapphire brought this out towards Jayhawk or Stafnord or Harward’s university, there might only be a handful of humans who could begin to break down the information she was setting before them. He settled for the latter remembering by strange inclination that the Gems were not of this world. Edward had never believed in Aliens personally but he had worked with Sheska and because of their friendship some of Sheska rubbed off on Winry. Aliens were everywhere according to those two and maybe in this world, they were. 

He felt a little subconscious sitting on the beach like this, staring down at the equations, eyes drooping slightly and thoughts slow and sluggish. He was feeling a little stupid for not understanding something that most people were never meant to understand; the feeling prompted Edward into old habits and though Edward tried his best--- he could not quite succeed so somewhere between discussing basic future vision and timeline alternation he slipped out Steven's little pink book and he started to graze through the pages until he made it back to his last translation; Garnet's page. Scrolling down beyond her category, he found another entry with two classifications set at the beginning of the passage; he attempted to translate though categories of Gems was still difficult for him to figure out. The curves and bends alluded him, the lines and twits confound him and after a while, Edward gave up and running a hand through his hair. He instead thought back at the two gems he had seen before him, one of a deep blue and the other a vibrant red. He neglected directly translating the categories and instead just went about his business translating the rest. He knew that it was a ruby and a sapphire, for now, that was all he needed to know.

 _Ruby and Sapphire love each other, apart and together despite rocky roads they have traveled on. I know little of the two individually like I know Garnet because they have spent so much time together that I know them better together than I know them apart. She loves me so they already love me, I love her so I love them. I am learning more about them every day: Ruby is reckless and heated, a ball of fury and passion that I have seen in Garnet many times. She wears her heart on her sleeve, for better or worse. Sapphire is cool and collected in most situations but when it comes to Ruby she doesn’t know what to do with herself. She is both the voice of reason and the more sentimental of the two because when ruby came into her life she knew everything and now everything is new to her. I want to know more about them, I hope to learn what I can when they are separate and when they are together. I want to know them, and I want them to know me as Garnet does. They are just as much my family as she is._

He understood the words, he felt that they were right and yet the words felt strange as he wrote them. Truthful yet not wholly truthful and he could not quite figure out why as his fingers traced over the words, smearing them lightly as the ink smudged and rubbed on his gloves. He felt a little dizzy now, exhaustion making him feel sick, but a strange rush of adrenalin kept him up unable to sleep because so many unanswered questions pressed through his mind. Why did this feel so familiar, like something he used to know. His fingers continued to rub away at the ink lazily until nothing could be read except the classifications, ruining the words and leaving them unreadable. The headache was getting worse now as he laid back against the sand and set the notebook aside. He covered his eyes, blocking out the sun, only letting a little light stream through his fingers. He didn’t see the point in reading the notebook at the moment, he didn’t see a point in much of anything. 

He still didn’t understand what he was doing here; Truth had set him down on a path that he could not grasp, with a riddle that burned his brain any time he thought of it. On the most basic level, a life for a life was simple, you took a life and your own life was spared in place of the life taken. Edward Elric was of the violent sort but the one thing he could not do was kill another person so if he was sent here to kill someone then he was likely to die himself because it was not a request he was willing to fulfill. Truth had reassured him that this was not the route he would have to take which relieved him but at the same time it only made this grand new word all the harder to accept. What did A life for a life mean if it wasn’t asking him to take a life, what purpose was he here for and how would he find it. The stress of so many questions weighed heavily on his mind, pressed upon his brain and gave him a pressure headache that made him look visibly uncomfortable. He covered his eyes completely with his right arm, letting the sleeve up slightly so that the cool metal could lay against his skin and soothe him. 

“Are you doing alright Edward,” A soft cool blue voice asked him gently, as a hand set on his forehead. It felt strangely nice against his skin, he wasn’t hot per se but his head hurt and the cold hand felt wonderful. He didn’t even mind the invasion of space, at least not at the moment, because there was some distance between him and his problems.

When Edward spoke he let out a tired breath as he kept his arm in place, he did not need to open his eyes to know that Sapphire was staring down at him. “I’m alright, just tired that all. I’m just really tired...” It an odd admission, the tone finally conveying just how exhausted he was. He wanted to sleep so bad but his brain was buzzing, turned on like a flashlight and unable to switch off until his battery burned out.

“Sleep has been alluding to you for a few nights now, we’ve all been a little worried that” He heard the shifting of the sand as she sat next to him and her hand continued to set on his forehead. She saw things, that much Edward knew so maybe she knew that he would stay here with her ice-cold touch acting as a compress on his skin. “Would you like to talk about it…? If not we can just sit here a while. My class has ended but there's still time before Ruby’s troop heads out on their hike”

Edward did not like that somehow he was missing time.“No….” 

It was a lie, he truly did want to speak about what was going on but the situation was delicate and confusing; trust was not balanced yet and even he did not know enough about what was going on to be a reliable source of information. The things he was seeing pained him in ways he could not yet understand but somehow he was certain that it all connected back to the task Truth pushed on him. Though it pained him to go through this alone, he felt that it was required of him. Was he even allowed to ask for help? Truth had not given him much instruction or any information at all so he did not know if sharing his visions would hurt or aid him in his journey and he did not want to risk messing up for his own comfort. Still he struggled, perhaps comfort was already lost to him regardless of what he did. Maybe he could let slip a little bit of information and that could help him. 

He wiped the sleep from his eyes, red and irritated, barely able to stay open yet perpetually unable to close. He took a deep breath, “No...its not that important honestly. I’m working something out on my own. My brains just stuck on a thought and I can’t get it out of my head. I’ve got this….riddle and all these thoughts and ….memories I’m working through trying to figure something out. Then Steven comes along prying in matters that have nothing to do with him. He has no idea what I’m dealing with and honestly, I don’t know how well I can explain it without fucking him up even more. He needs to learn that he can’t fix everyone's problems because sometimes my problems are just mine to deal with.”

“Well, that does sound like a conundrum.” Sapphire looked out at the sea with mild interest despite her mind being focused on Edward. “Steven means well and he cares for his friends deeply, no matter how long he has known them. I know he may seem pushy but….if you just spoke with him….”

Edward hissed irritably and rolled over on the sand, her hand no longer against his head. He glared at her, “Fuck what is with you people. You throw friends and family around like the words mean nothing. Maybe with you and the other Gems, it's different because you all knew Steven’s Mom and shit went down with her. You guys have thousands of years together and his whole god damn life. I've been here a month and I don’t get why he keeps calling me friend after what I did.”

“You did it in a moment of emotional turmoil and fear,” Sapphire said softly, making the same mistake that Steven did. 

“That's no excuse!” he bit out as he sat up and glared at Sapphire. “I hurt him, and it doesn’t matter if it was by accident. I still hurt him, and I was gonna hit him with my flesh fist but what was going to stop me from using this.” He thrust his right hand up fast, removing his glove to show off the golden gleam of the metalwork. His eyes were wide, filled with a fear and guilt that struck against Sapphire boldly. “I wasn’t holding back. I could have hurt him. I could have hurt him, and friends don’t hurt other friends like that. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t mean to do it, I did it and I was going to do it again. He shouldn’t be making excuses for me, he shouldn’t feel like this is how friendship works….I….this isn’t how it works. I can’t tell him things-- important things like my _whatever the fuck I’m dealing with_ because…. He's so native. He’ll let me hurt him and turn around and try to help me. I don’t want that to be what we are.”

The boy sounded lost, not knowing how to explain things further. Sapphire was struck speechless for a moment, closing her eyes and trying to clear her mind. It pained her to know that Edward was right on some level, it wasn’t a healthy ideology to have, and it was something Steven had to unlearn while he formed more human relationships. She look a deep breath that she didn’t need, and Edward turned to her with slight unease. He watched a tear stream down her face but her eye remained hidden by her hair, “How much has he told you about the last few years?”

Edward faltered slightly and confusion overtook him. “I mean….a a lot I guess. He told me about things with his mother and things with you guys. Some of the gaps are a little sketchy but I think I know enough.”

Sapphire sighed and looked over at the boy, “The two of you are so similar, but neither of you can see it. Both of you think you know the other with utmost certainty, despite you not knowing all that he has been through or why he is so ready to treat you as his own.

“Steven has a warm and compassionate heart, he has never backed down from the idea of helping someone he thinks is in need,” She said calmly while wiping the tear from her eye. “Oftentimes, he has even shown compassion to people who don’t initially deserve his kindness. People who have been hurt, or oppression, or conditioned to hurt others.”

Edward's hand fisted, his eyes closed tightly and he suppressed an urge to argue. He wants to know where this was leading but he did let a few words slip, “He lets people hurt him and then calls them fiend. That's so fucking messed up….”

“Yes...and no.” She whispered mildly. “It isn’t the full context. He doesn’t let people hurt him, sometimes people hurt him, and he is willing to give them another chance to prove that they can be better. He wants them to be better, and to treat others better. Sometimes it works out wonderfully; Peridot for instance.”

He looks confused and rubbed the back of his neck realizing that he had known little about Peridot but had allowed himself to call her friend. He only knew what Steven had told her, and what Peridot had offered up. He admitted to his own ignorance, “I don’t think I understand.”

“She was willing to hurt Steven when she first arrived, quite purposefully and maliciously.” She turned to Edward and he instantly looked over at her, seeing that her eye was clear and staring at him now. “Steven gave her a second chance and while it was difficult for her to adjust on earth. She found her peace here. She grew as a person….Peridot was a true friend to Steven and though I have a hard time seeing anything crystal clear these days I am almost certain she will be with us for many years.”

Edward lets out a breath, “How can you be so certain that I will be anything like her. I might not grow like her...I might not want to.”

She pondered this a moment and shook her head, “You are still new here and that means you don’t know everything that has happened even recently. You see Steven as someone naive and willing to let himself be hurt by others, but you don’t realize that in some cases he has better judgment than any of us. If you showed signs that you were unwilling to change-- lacking sincerity, Steven would be hurt but he could let you go. Beyond that....if you seriously hurt Steven we would have stepped in."

There was a firmness to her voice that bordered on hard, sending shivers up his spine. She meant business and he could only imagine what she meant by her comment, “We would have stepped in if you hurt him. We love Steven deeper than most will ever know. I am aware that Steven may seem naive and childish, ever the optimist, but that is because he tries to see the good in everything and in everyone. When the good runs out, he knows when to step away. He still has issues and if you so feel that he needs to have them directly addressed I can speak with him about them. If you truly are worried that his willingness to befriend might put him in a dangerous position I can give him a word of caution. If you feel uncomfortable about him so casually calling you friend then we can help you find other arrangements and your friendship can either end or slow down to a more comfortable rate.”

Edward found his heart aching at the idea of staying away and his arms wrapped around his legs forcing them against his chest. “No…”

“You don’t want me to talk to him or you don’t want me to find you another place to stay?” She asked gently, a similar gentleness that he had found in Garnet’s tone when they talked. 

“I….I think you should talk to him. That might be a good idea. I want to make sure he's safe but….” Edward pressed his face against his knees and his voice became muffled. “I really don’t want to move out.”

Sapphire smiled slightly, almost knowingly, “You don’t want to leave Steven behind.”

Edward growled lowly and hid his face further, “Why do you have to sound so certain about that.”

“Because in 5 different realities you admit directly soon after I ask, and in a few others it is clear that you want to say so but don’t want to hurt him.” Sapphire moved back to be closer to Edward and brushed his hair out of his eyes. “You are a good boy Edward, even if you dont want to admit it. You hurt Steven but I know that you want to be better than that. You want to be better for him and for yourself. It is up to Steven and you to decide if the two of you can be friends again. Do you want to be Steven’s friend?”

Edward choked slightly, and he felt tears pricking at his eyes as he rubbed them trying to hold them back but his voice cracked slightly as he spoke. “Yeah….”

“Then lets just try to be better,” She set a kiss against his temple and there was a sudden flash before his eyes that made the tears flow more freely. He blinked slowly letting them fall; in his mind's eye, he saw Steven’s arms wrapped around him in a warm friendly embrace. If he so chose to move forward, Steven would forgive him for his outburst and in his heart, he knew he would forgive Steven for pushing him too hard. Sapphire pulled back and sat with him, telling him to process the minor vision. She even pulled him down into her lap, an almost unusual sight given her small stature. Once the boy had calmed down she pushed forward, “Mind telling me what the riddle was? The one that is so heavily weighing on your mind that it somehow hurts you. Three minds are better than one.” Sapphire stroke his head, perhaps able to see the good it was doing for him. The ache behind his eyes was nearly forgotten. “Once I’ve got Ruby with me again we can all figure this out together.”

“I want to tell someone,” Edward admitted softly but he doesn’t take to the bait so easily, despite enjoying the comfort she is able to provide. “But I think I have to do it on my own. I wasn’t given much to go on but I can’t get something from nothing. Asking for your help might be cheating and I don’t want to mess this up.”

“I don’t think I follow, but at the same time I do? I need to hear the words from you to fully understand them as there are many ways you could interpret what you’ve said….” She looked down at him, her hand pausing in his hair. 

“I can’t get something from nothing, so its cheating if I ask you. If I ask you than I didn’t do it on my own so why would I deserve anything I get? Sh’t you’d deserve it or something. Equivalent exchange, You can’t….you can’t get anything without giving something in return….something of equal value must be lost….that That's a law that applies to a lot. Applies to Alchemy and stuff….like that.” Ed was a little embarrassed to hear his words slurr in his exhausted state, though strangly talking about it made him more relaxed. Like he could rest here in her lap and fall asleep listening to the ocean waves flowing against the shore. “I’m almost sure it applies to this, I just don’t know how yet.”

“What else does it apply to?” This...tactic felt oddly familiar though he could not quite place why. Somewhere deep in his subconscious, he remembered a bird-like a woman, pushing him for information in a similar way but put him more at ease. He could not recall her name, or her face, and birdlike only brought Pearl to mind. He laughed slightly at the thought but brushed it aside. 

“Applies to stuff-- favors. I scratch your back so you’ll later scratch mine….” He waved his hand a dismissive motion. “I give you something, you give me something. Usually it's giving equal but me and my brother did suggest that you could put in more than you got back. Either way, you gotta give….”

Sapphire considered this a moment. “and what else, it seems to be a rule you consider often in your life. I’d like to know.”

“And it relates economics I guess. We work so we can earn money and buy food and other supplies,” Edwards said sleepily, as he heard people walking on the beach, the crunch of sand under their feet strangely calming as he spoke.

“Does it apply to organic life?” Sapphire watched some birds fly by with interest, but her focus was still on Ed.

“OH of course it does! All is one and one is all. We are the one individual acting as one part of a larger whole of the world to survive. I live so that one day I might die to give life to the world that today gives life to me.” Ed smiled slightly, remembering how he and Alphonse had offered Izumi the answer with such confidence.

“But does it apply to singular organic life….I don’t think you’re seeing the smaller picture, the trees through the forest, Edward,” Sapphire said, a level of debate in her tone.

“What….do you even mean?” Edward grunted slightly defensively but still willing to listen. 

“When Steven was born, …Pink….Rose, became half of him but that is not the norm for humans. Do mothers have to give up something to bring their child into the world?”

“No…..I guess not.” Ed scratched at his chin grimacing slightly. “I don’t think anyone would have a mom if that were true but at the same time they give up the time and energy to raise that child. But no I guess that isn’t worth the life they produce so….it does not apply here.”

“And Edward, when you take the time to learn, read about things in books, is there equivalent exchange in that?” Sapphire took his note and thumbed through the pages quietly reading, even the page he had rubbed away with his fingers.

“Yeah….the time and energy it takes to read the book. The money it takes to buy the book….” Edwards mumbled quietly but there was less conviction in his tone than before.

“But what if the book was purchased for you? Or what if someone read the book to you. It seems that you are not making the exchange.”

“Then I can pay you back to balance the scales or buy you a gift in return. That’s equivalent exchange.” Edward was losing his train of thought quickly as sleep tried to claim him.

“But what if I don’t want your gift, what if the book is just my gift to give?” Sapphire almost looked playfully amused as Edward becomes frustated.

“What!? Then you're leaving things unbalanced! Why can’t you just take my stupid gift…..”

“Because I do not need it, and you don’t need everything that I might give you but I am willing to offer it. I can offer more at times than I can receive, just as you said before. You can receive less than you offer, or receive something for nothing. Things can be unbalanced, somehow I think you know that. While it is nice to think things should be fairly split, it is okay if something is given for nothing, and nothing is given for something or if something is given and taken unequally. It does not have to be fully balanced. 

“You don’t need to give anything to ask for help, you deserve to be helped regardless of what you have to offer.” Sapphire's voice seemed strangely blended for a moment and Edward’s eyes scrunched up slightly before opening. “Life sometimes is not fully balanced, Edward.” 

The voice was not as close as Sapphire’s had been and Edward found that he was no longer laying in the sand but instead he was sitting quietly on a couch with his hands resting on his legs which felt strangely restless. There was an odd twinge in his stomach, not a sharpness but the more dull ache that made him feel more tired than he's ever felt. The tiredness extended throughout his limbs and soaked into his bones, making movement seem pointless as he sat there quietly. It felt strange to sit there, stiff and still on edge despite there being no danger. His body was not shaking but it was due to a great effort on his part that he had no visible tremors. Ed wasn’t dressed in his usual red jacket and tight black slacks, instead he seemed to be wearing an Amestrian military Jacket though this one hosted a deep dark green that seemed to reflect in the light. It took a moment to realize why the voice he was hearing was so familiar and calming to his ears. 

Riza was sitting a few feet away from him in an armchair, her legs crossed while she stared into a cup of almost empty tea, “I know that it's difficult right now, things feel off balance and structureless. We are doing our best to fix that, and I know you’re hurting but so long as you do your best to work with us I’m sure we can make things right.”

“Things can’t be right though,” his own voice startled him at how dim it seemed to be; the hopelessness reminded him too much of how he had felt after failing to bring back his mother. “Even if you say they are they can't be right again, it can never be right. I don’t like people that sugarcoat things for me. I know when I’ve fucked up and I fucked up this time.”

“You did things that you should not have done but you can’t blame yourself for what happened,” Riza said quietly as she sipped her cooling tea, grimacing slightly as the bitterness became unpleasant with the loss of heat. “You did not hurt him.”

“I let him be hurt,” Edward growled lowly while his hands fisted military green distributed trousers. “I may not have hurt him directly but I let him be hurt.”

“The situation was dire and we understand why some lives were lost. No one is blaming you for what happened. No, not even Kingston believes the outcome could have been different” She set the cup aside. 

“I wasn’t following orders!” He snapped, his voice breaking, sounding raw and hurt as he ducked his head down, setting his face in his hands. “Maybe if I had just stood back with him….if I had kept him away from the fight…” 

Riza looked tired, her eyes soft and understanding. “There was danger all around you, Roy couldn’t have known that it would have reached your outpost. There is no guarantee that staying where you were would have done anything. In fact, looking at things now-- I don't think it would have changed much. I know moving past ‘what if’ is difficult but...”

“He was hurt so badly.” Edward whimpered, his voice breathy with disbelief. “If I had just…” 

Riza's voice remained level but her tone briefly took on a strictness that Ed was all too familiar with. “You were hurt, Edward, badly. I know that what happened has left you in a vulnerable state but I need you to remember the facts of the situation. You were hurt just as severely as he was. The stinger pierced through you and finally through him. He died, and we will work through that together but you need to remember that we almost lost you, and you are just as important to us as he was to his family.” 

“I know but….” Edward Looked up Riza with mournful eyes. “He was a child, I couldn’t save him. He was a child and I was only a few feet away and I…”

Edward was surprised to feel a set of arms wrapped around him in a tight and personal embrace. Riza had stood up from her chair and had made her way over to him, wrapping her arms around his body. He closed his eyes tightly and pressed his head into her shoulders relishing in the contact her body provided. “You were a child too, and it would have been just as tragic to lose you.”

* * *

“Edward are you awake, now?” Riza’s voice was no longer in his ear. When his eyes finally opened again, he was back on the beach with Sapphire looking down at him; her eyes were uneasy. The worry in her tone was obvious, as she allowed her fingers to linger against his skin. “I think...I think you are now.”

“Yeah I’m awake.” He said gruffly, making no attempt to stand up from where he laid. 

“That’s….that's good.” The Gem sounded uncertain, and Edward felt bad for her, knowing he had made the situation more difficult. “I don’t think you’re ready to see Steven, though…..”

Edward set a hand on his heart, the emotions his vision had shown him were still fresh in his chest making him feel heavy even if he did not know who had died or if any of this was real. He nodded at Sapphire in agreement, “I know…”

* * *

Life was very different for Edward after he failed to bring his mother back, in many ways he can’t quite remember now. He can vaguely recall a lack of independence, constantly stuck in the moment unable to do for himself what he could do before. He could not eat by himself, he could not sleep by himself due to his wounds, and he could not bathe himself without the help of others. His entire life was made into something akin to a string of babysitting duty done by Pinako, Winry, and Alphonse over the course of several months and the pain and strain of lost independence wore on Edward just as much as his guilt did. Not only had he severed his brother's body from his soul and attached it to a suit of armor, but he had also broken down his own body in the process. His guilt for his brother weighed more deeply on his mind but the constant awareness that his foolishness had left him an invalid, wrapped around his heart and squeezed with every pump and pulse in his chest. Not only was he no longer able to do anything for himself as he had done before, but it was his fault, and he felt that it was his fault alone. It was his weakness that led to his brother no longer having a body. There was no one to blame but his own hands.

This mentality stuck with him for months; what heated fire his eyes held dimmed slowly after the truth was revealed to him. When he was a child knowledge was sparse and new to him, like he was in a dark cave only lit by a set of dim fires in the distance. These fires told him what was real and what was not, what was right and what was wrong, what he could do and what was taboo. The fires were so far away and so dim, that the cave was cold and dark despite the light attempting to illuminate it. A chain around his neck wrapped tightly and made him unable to move, made him a slave to his ignorance. Edward did not want to be a slave, he did not want to live in ignorance, so he pushed against his bindings forcing his way forward towards the fires and the knowledge he so craved. People called things taboo because they failed to understand, all they needed was more information and research and perhaps they could move forward as he was doing now. Edward moved closer and closer to the fires before him; he tore and ripped at the binding wrapped around his neck and the ties that tethered him, tossing them in the fire hoping to see it burn brighter and whiter with a light more powerful and intense. This was his fire now, he would force it to burn so that he could know what was beyond that shadows. At first, the fire shown bright enough that it cast light in the room, illuminating faces he had never seen and things he had never known. The fire showed him how things could be in a world where nothing was hidden. 

Fire when fueled but unbound will not stay as it was but change and grow; a fire that spreads without control is dangerous. Knowledge without ethics is dangerous and Edward sought knowledge from the taboo, disregarding the damage wildfires can cause. He let his fire burn brighter and more vibrant chasing shadows, showing beyond what his world would be. Edward saw the opening of the cave, something more than the cast shadows upon his very small world. He made his way outside his world as he let his fire burn out of control, going higher and heating the cave beyond the warmth and comfort that he so craved. The chill was gone and the fire was licking at the cave ceiling, spikes of ice were dripping down now sizzling and hissing against the fire until finally ice just melting outright letting watered fall against his fire extinguishing it; like Icarus he who flew to close to the sun and let his wings melt and burn Edward’s fire burned too bright and was snuffed out just as his hand came to rest at the mouth of the cave.

Edward’s fire was gone for some time after that, the knowledge he had gained was useless to him, buried in his guilt and inability for many months because hope was lost to him. He knew he went too far, and he did not know how to take it back. He saw beyond the gate and all the wonders it held, for what he could remember and what he was not allowed to know; what good was that when no one wished to know the knowledge he had acquired and all that he had learned had harmed everyone around him. What would make him move forward? Who could make him stand up again and light the fire in his eyes, now knowing he had to control the burn inside them. 

All it took was a snap back into reality to spark that fire again, a glimmer of hope to fuel the flame and someone to remind him that a few embers still littered his fire pit. Roy mustang extended his hand to Edward, holding out an opportunity that allowed him independence if he sought it out and proposed that his pursuit of knowledge would not burn him down or drown him but perhaps allow him to correct his wrongs. Roy helped him live in the moment, and plan for a future he couldn't see but he hoped for. 

Ruby felt so strangely like him yet so drastically different that whether Edward was awake or asleep, wholly focused or mentally in disarray, he could not help but see the older man in her as they hiked through the wilderness with her troop. Ruby was brash and hot-headed, excitable while Ed could only recall one time where Roy had acted without thinking, yet their energy felt so similar while he walked with her that he felt an annoyingly pleasant feeling of nostalgia. He would never admit that he enjoyed Roys company, and there was no way he’d admit that he enjoyed Ruby because of Roy. Instead Edward enjoyed Ruby for other reasons; Sapphire had hoped that he could live for the future, and understand the past while Ruby felt like she was completely here to live in the present and somehow they came together to create someone who knew how to keep everyone's life together. Edward admired that and as he walked with Ruby and her troop he felt weirdly at peace even with the world weighing on his shoulders. 

He walked with them as long as he could, pretending to be perfectly fine but knowing the longer he walked the harder it was to move. Edward had been up for nearly three days with only a few hours rest between bouts of insomnia. His energy was depleting quickly, and he knew that if he did not rest soon he would pass out, and though that would earn him a few hours rest, it was not healthy. So he leaned against a tree and let out a breath requesting a break.

“You're doing great!” Ruby said as she guided him down towards the ground smiling with a brightness that warmed Edward slightly. “Even if you can’t get the hiking badge today, I have tons of other badges that you could have. The bird watching badge, the environmental illustration badge, we even have the nature relaxation badge! So if you don’t feel like hiking I can just tell the others to mosey on without us. If you feel like taking a nap where the good old fresh air is, I’m here for that!”

Edward snorted softly and lets his head move down to rest in the grass, his eyes closing slightly but his mind still unable to rest. “I’m surprised there isn’t some sort of talking about your feelings badge or therapy badge in that bag of yours.”

Ruby lazily stroked her fingers through Ed’s hair, and Ed could have laughed himself silly because he had assumed Garnet got her touchiness from Ruby but now he knew that they were both terribly contact-dependent despite Garnet’s reserved nature. He shook his head and let the thought pass because it felt strangely nice; Sapphire was cool like an ice pack and Ruby was warm like a hot water bottle. “Oh, there is, I’ve got a ton of badges for all my scouts. Sometimes if someone in the troop does something I get super excited about I run off to sew up a new badge just for them. Some of the people in my group have things—hard and I try to be very understanding of that so when I hear they’ve gone to talk to someone about their hard times I want them to know that what they are doing is something very good and normal. I think it helps them to go back sometimes. I don’t always get the things they’re going through but I try very hard to be supportive when they tell me.”

“Then why aren't you shoving that in my face,” Ed said sleepily while patterns were traced against his head, warm and soft and still. “If you're so keen to give out badges for people who are working through hard shit. It seems like all day everyone's been trying to get me to talk to them about my feelings and what's going on, and forcing me to sleep when I just can’t right now. I want to sleep but I can’t right now for some reason so them bugging me isn’t really helping. Sapphire backed off and let me say what I wanted but Steven just wouldn’t....”

“Oh well, I know that,” Ruby said simply while looking down at Edward's hair, falling between her fingers, from his bangs down the length of his back. When had she untied his braid? This was another moment of lost time that irritated him. Her expression was strikingly thoughtful. “I think it's super helpful to talk when you wanna talk. If you got something weighing on your mind and you can’t get it out of your head. You do talk….but as much as you need to talk you gotta wanna talk. Otherwise, it doesn’t count.”

“Talking doesn’t count?” Edward asks mildly bemused.

“Oh gosh talking counts regardless but the intention and who and when all count too!” Ruby smile while keeping her voice low, it doesn’t have the same monotone that could so easily loll him to sleep like Garnet or Sapphire but it was still nice, warm and sweet like her fingertips working against his scalp in a way he remembered his mother's fingers once doing. “It's like, I can’t just make someone tell me all the things that are messy about them when they’re not ready to tell me or anyone else. That would just make it worse, sometimes people need time before they are able to talk about the things that upset them.”

“So you’re not going to talk about this or get me to sleep?” 

“No, I’m more like Garnet then people give me credit for.” She pats his face until he opens his eyes. She winked at him and gave him an okay sign with her fingers. “We said before that we were going to give you time to tell us about who you are and what you need; that doesn’t stop when you’re having a bad couple days. I’m gonna give you what you ask for even if that means space or if you need more time to collect yourself!”

“You’re a little different than what Steven described you as,” Edward said mildly looking up at her while his head rested against the tree behind him. “That’s really mature of you.”

“Maybe that’s my fault Steven doesn’t see me that way, I guess I deserve it considering some of the times he been around me when I’ve been separate from Sapphire but that just means I’ve got to work harder to show that I am more than what he thinks I am. Garnet’s got us both inside her, and maybe more people see Sapphire in her because she is calm and collected and so smart. I love that about my Laffy Sapphy but I am there too. Sapphire is more rational I am more emotional. That doesn’t just relate to ‘my’ emotions. I’m trying to live separate from my love more these days so that we might be able to grow separately as we have grown as Garnet. I want to be emotionally aware. If someone doesn’t want to talk, doesn’t know how to talk about their feelings I want to help even if that means waiting for them to collect their thoughts. Cuz I know what if feels like to be confused about what I’m feeling.”

“The way Garnet acts I’m kind of surprised. You seem like you have it together all the time.”

“Maybe now! But that wasn’t always the case. Did Steven ever tell you about how we got into a huge fight with Pearl when he was a kid?” Ruby asked curiously while looking up at the sky, its clear and blue. She has a goofy smile on her face because it reminded her of her loving wife. “Or maybe Steven told you about his mother being Pink Diamond and things getting all messy because of that?”

“Some, not all I’m starting to realize. I’ve mostly only heard stuff in passing, read a thing or two while looking through his notebook or some of the books that Pearl brought me. I don't really get it, not all of it at least but from what I do understand she wasn’t a good person…..but she wasn’t a bad one either. She fucked up a whole lot of things but she tried her best to fix some of her mistakes and I think that matters.” Ed’s eyes have drifted shut thinking briefly of his own father and some of the mistakes he'd made in a lifetime.

Ruby's hands hesitate just briefly on Ed's head, a little too hot making the boy sweat slightly down his forehead; his skin was irritated like a sunburn. She was quick to correct herself, drawing back her fingers and forcing her emotions down not to suppress them but to further process them. “That’s….a little bit simple but you’re not wrong. She did some good stuff and some bad stuff but I guess I tend to focus on the bad stuff she did.”

“Did she do anything bad to you?” Ed asks looking up at Ruby quietly.

Ruby seemed to consider the question, her eyes shut while she answered. “It’s a different kind of bad than what people think of when they consider what she has done. Before she was Rose she did a lot of nasty stuff that hurt people; she was kinda groomed to be a bad guy. The Diamonds told her other gems were less than her and it didn’t matter if she shattered or broke them unless it was inconvenient to the people around her. Anything less than a gem was less than conscious and it didn’t matter what happened to them, that’s why organic stuff like the earth didn’t matter much. That mentality stuck with her a long time, she hurt Volleyball even if she didn’t mean to. She hurt the earth, even if she didn’t know it was wrong. Rose couldn’t fix or take back what happened to Volleyball but She could fix the earth if the Diamonds stopped mining there. Pink became Rose cuz she wanted to do something good and fix the bad she did. I don’t think she thought it through like she should have though. She made Pearl be silent for a few thousand years, unable to tell a secret that was slowly eating at someone she loved. Bismuth got poofed and she lied to us about what happened to her for years. We thought she was shattered. She lied to me, lied to us about who she was and that tore me apart because how dare she say who ‘we’ were when she wasn’t even truthful about who she was.”

Edward could feel the grass and moss burning away under Ruby's body, the heat was making Ed uncomfortable as he shifted away from her; he winced as his clothing was singed and he could smell a bit of hair burning in his nostrils. “We don’t have to talk about that if you don’t want to....”

The red gem faltered slightly and her cheeks burned darker in momentary shame as she rubbed the back of her neck letting the flames inside her die down slightly. “Oh no! Gosh I didn’t know I was getting so heated, Sorry, I just get so upset thinking about her and usually Sapphire helps me cool down. Its also a day to day situation, some days I forgive her for what she did and some days I don’t. It’s a process but…I’m just trying to say that after I found out that Pink was Rose and Rose was Pink it was messy for me and I was upset. Me and Sapphy split for a bit because we were worried that maybe being us together wasn’t our choice. We love each other, and we love being Garnet together but like... Rose was the one to tell us that this was the right answer so knowing that she was a liar….why did we know it was the right answer? Sapphy needed some time to think and I needed more time to think about how I felt about Rose…about US, about me! Just about everything. Finally, after I thought about all that stuff I decided that I liked being independent, it was fun and new but ultimately I loved being Garnet more. Me and Sapphy worked it out, half the time we are Garnet and half the time we are independent together like this.”

She tapped her chest hard, her mood improving as she smiled down at Edward with a gleam of hope in her expression. “I get to be me, and I get to be Garnet. I get to grow just as much as Garnet does. Some days I take the troops out here and other days I get to go out horseback riding. I even get to teach classes all on my own! Sapphy grows when she talks with her students or when she just gets to curl up on the couch and read a whole long book that I just….can _not_ really sit through. Then we come back together and we are even better than before! It's our choice now but it wouldn’t have worked if someone forced me into being Garnet. I needed the time to heal and feel and just understand what I was going through before I asked someone to help me understand it a little better, you know? So I’m okay giving you time, okay?”

* * *

“I’m done giving you time, Edward,” Edward could have screamed, but once again it felt like he was being jerked around by the hands of God. Ruby was gone and Ed was no longer laying down in the soft grass; he was standing in a sparring circle, in some high-end gym. His hands were gloveless and tight around Roy's shoulders, pushing back against him as the two struggle to push the other out of the ring. Edward's teeth were clenched in distaste. “The doctors may have approved you for duty but I still think you should wait before going back. Riza said you needed time, but I’m not letting you out of my sight until I know you aren’t about to go off and do something stupid.”

“I’m fine!” Ed bit out harshly shoving against Roy, the man was able to keep him firmly in place despite his efforts. His face was turned away from the boy as if to block him from taking a particularly nasty strike against him. “I’m seeing that damn doctor Hawkeye recommended. I’m talking about my ‘feelings’ and everything you wanted from me. So why can’t you bug off and just let me deal with this myself?" 

“You need to take a break FullAmber,” Roy growled, putting the boy in a headlock, though his arms were not so tightly wrapped around Ed that they did any harm. 

Edward shoved his elbow back against Roy, the strike hitting the man hard between his ribs and forcing him to let go. “I’m not weak. If my body is healed then I’m ready to go back to work. Maybe an old man like you needs a break but, I-am-fine!”

“Your body is healed but that is not the most important factor in this Amber.” Roy gritted his teeth, pulling back to cover his bruised side. He brought himself down to eye level with Ed while keeping his head turned away from the boy. His right eye trained on him intensely. “Your body may be healed but I don’t know if everything else is!”

Edward scowled and made the point to toss his head forward and catch against Roy's chin, making the older man bite his tongue. It was a dirty shot, but no one ever said Edward fought clean. “Don’t you dare tell me somethings wrong with my brain! I’m not crazy!”

In Roy’s momentary disorientation, Edward turned and wrapped his arms around Roy's stomach, pushing his face against the man's body and throwing his weight forward. Some would assume that Edward weighed next to nothing; those people forgot about his dense multimetal automail. With his left foot set forward and his right arm shoving into the older man’s stomach, he pushed harshly and threw both of them out of the ring. Roy’s back made contact with the wall behind him and he hissed loudly as he tried to compose himself; he had to keep the situation cool and collected. It's hard for him to keep things cool and collected, however, when a teenager shoved their free hand against damaged ribs and continued to dig his metal arm into his stomach. 

Roy let out a shuttery breath and made direct eye contact with Ed, one round eye trained on him and a ruby reflecting him. “I didn’t say you were crazy, I didn’t even say something was wrong. I’m just saying that after what happened….your brain might respond differently than before. I know this is hard for you Ed but you need to let us help you and I need you to let ‘me’ help you. You need time to process what happened. I get that and I’m not here to force you to talk to me. You were seriously injured and you saw things that hurt you worse than your injuries. I’m not saying your absence needs to be forever. I’m just asking you to take leave or stay in the city for a while. You can work in my office for a few months, continue to go see someone about what happened. Taking time to understand what happened to you, taking a break to process and regroup does not make you weak. it makes you human and whether your whole or half or none at al-- we all need this time.”

“I can’t take time, I can’t take too long you know that….” Edward stood there stock still for a moment, his left hand gripping air so tightly that he could feel the gem embedded there aching and his hand shaking with the effort; he threw another hit against Roy's ribs hoping to just end the conversation. He did not release Roy from his grip, and the man remained pinned against the wall but the teenager no longer had the leverage to keep him there. Roy’s ruby continued to reflect his expression back at him making him feel uncomfortable. Edward had never seen himself look so very vulnerable, the pain etched on his face deep and impossible to ignore. “I can’t do it….I can’t, I don’t want to think about it” 

“Sometimes you have to think about the hard stuff to move past them!” Roy barked, forcing Edward away from him so he could hold the boy at arm's length and look at him. “I’m not issuing a formal discharge. I’m just asking you to stay put while you work this out. 

Edward tried to shove away from Roy, but the older man was stronger than him though he loathed to admit it. “I don’t want to, _Mustang_. You aren’t my commanding officer and I don’t have to listen to you. I don’t expect you to understand this but…. I’ll crack if I stay here! I need to move forward; no looking back.”

“You won’t crack. It might feel that way but you’re stronger than that. I know you are. People might think you’re weak because of what you are, but I have seen what you can do and how far you will go to protect the people you love. The fight in you proves that you are more than what you’re made of.” Roy finally reached down and grabbed Edward's hand pulling it up so he can look at it. “People think Ambers are soft, but you are proof that facts like that can be false.” 

Edward goes a little slack, his muscles loosening as he listened to Roy speak. His other arm suddenly dangled at his side but found its way into the fabric of the other man’s green uniform jacket. He spoke words that seemed like a quote, “I am more than the gem I was born.”

Roy grinned and gave Edward a curt nod as he spoke another quote back at him, “Earth gives us an opportunity to be what we want and what we need.” 

The fight drained from Edward but he seemed calm, and a smile was on his lips. “No matter what we are, we will not crack under pressure.”

Roy wrapped an arm around Edward in a half-hug that the boy allows. “And even if one does crack and fall to pieces?” 

Ed sniffs softly, “There's always an Emerstrian to put them back together.”

“That’s right, and don’t you forget it.”

“That quote is fucking stupid and I’m mad you had me memorize it.” Edward half laughed against the older man as he remained in his grip a moment longer before he was released.

Roy smiled down at the boy and he ruffled his hair which prompted head to swat his hand away half-heartedly, “Strange I don’t think you sound very mad.”

“That’s because you’re going tone-deaf, you can’t hear how pissed I am.” Edward was smiling, as he pushed him off. “I’m absolutely irate and I demand restitution. I think lunch should cover my pain and suffering.”

Roy let out a breath and rubbed the back of his neck looking annoyed but accepting. “On-base or Off?”

“You know the answer.”

“You’re an expensive brat.”

“And yet you’re the one with the ruby.”

“By the way, if you ever try to hit me with your Gem hand again. I’m telling Riza.” Roy said sharply, no ounce of malice though Ed felt himself go pale. Roy spoke it like a stern warning.

“Hey Hey, no reason to be hasty here. I’m undamaged, you’re undamaged. We’re cool, no need to tell Hawkeye.” Edward waved his hands together wildly as he slid his gloves back on. “See? See. Reinforced fabric back in place, no need to make her go crack crazy.”

“Trust me kid know crack crazy better than you do,” He shook his head and the two of them started walking out of the gym. “I dinged myself in training a few years back. Barely a scratch and she almost drowned me in the fountain. I have no clue what she’d do to _you_ if she found out you were being reckless with your Gem.”

Edward rubbed his hands down his face and groaned, “I don’t even want to think about it. Let's just go eat...still your treat.”

“Still a brat.” 

* * *

The voices faded out and slowly someone else's voice came in; it was Ruby whispering in his ear. “Shhhh its okay, You’re okay Edward. Let it all out and we can talk about it later.” Edward was mildly confused. He felt perfectly fine, better than fine really. Still tired, but not nearly as tired as he had been a few minutes ago. The vision still made no sense to him, without the whole context, but it had left a warm feeling in his chest that he could not deny. Though he hated to admit that Roy could make him feel at ease, the familiar though unfamiliar face, made him feel better somehow.

“I’m okay…” 

When he spoke, Ruby squeaked and pulled back suddenly. “Oh dear, oh jeez I didn’t know you were up yet. I thought….”

“Up?” Edward sat back and rubbed at his eyes before pulling his hand back and seeing his white gloves seemed pristine. “I wasn’t up?”

“I….oh no I think you must have fallen asleep for an hour or two. I think maybe…” Ruby still seemed so unsettled which worried him slightly.

“Isn’t that good though? I slept some. That's better than not sleeping.”

She still seemed antsy and unwilling to leave his side, “Oh that's not the problem! The problem was that you were crying and I was worried you might be having a nightmare. I didn’t know if I should wake you or let you work it out in your head. I was so worried watching that I just hugged you hoping you’d feel better and stop crying.

“I’m fine….and I think I’m starting to mean it,” Edward let out a breath and stared at the ruby set in her hand with mild interest. “These tears weren't….bad I think. I think there were just needed.”

* * *

Pearl had never particularly liked humans in the beginning, before she learned to love Steven. To her they were just strange organics with strange ways of life that made her cringe; the idea of eating, and sleeping, and _reproducing_ had mildly horrified her. Who would want to do any of that when they could just fuse with their partner in the most intimate way. She adored the wildlife and its beauty and found some fascination in a variety of human cultures, such as knights and squires, but it had never pulled her in as Rose had been drawn to humanity. Pearl tolerated it and protected it because Humanity was an obligation, and a request brought to her by someone she loved and cherished. Rose had loved humanity in a way that Pearl could never understand but she admired how deeply she cared for those so unlike her; watching her grow beyond the part she had been given made Pearl’s heart swell with pride, knowing just how much she needed this. Pearl was not immune to the wonders of this world, she could feel herself growing and changing just as Rose did but she was not smitten with humans particularly and perhaps some of that disinterest stemmed from mild Jealousy. Pearl deeply disliked the wandering eye that Rose was prone to; though she did not mind warring with humans over the heart of her beloved, it had not endeared them to her.

There were only a handful of exceptions, in the beginning, a few humans that Pearl learned from and found perhaps beyond tolerable in their company: warriors and scholars across 5000 years that’s even Pearl had to admit were able to hold Rose’s interest romantically and Pearl’s interest intellectually in ways that seemed almost alright. There was only one though, that she could look beyond the romantic rivalry between them and perhaps even call each other friends. One particular human still stood out to Pearl, clear in her mind as though she had met him yesterday despite it being centuries since she had seen him. His name had been Thomas Marcot, and the crystal Gems had met him while capturing a corrupted Gem in the south of the French isles. While they were wrangling the beast, he was helping people evacuate and tending to the wounded; Thomas was a traveling physician passing through the village and the only human that ran towards the danger instead of away from it. There were no human casualties that day, considered a rarity when Corrupted Gems entered into occupied areas, and likely it is because he carried away the injured before they could be struck down a second time. Rose had been instantly fascinated with him, smitten by his peculiarity and willingness to put others before himself in situations that called for caution. Thomas unsurprisingly became just as smitten with Rose, her beauty boundless and the mystery around her made her a fine study for someone so scholarly. Pearl felt her general jealousy at having Rose’s attention stolen from her but oddly enough she was not nearly as jealous as she usually was. Was it because she knew that her Diamond would choose her in the end or was there another reason?

In the coming years he chose to travel with them; attending missions in which occupied corruption sites required evacuation. Garnet had done so before, though with less tact; Marcot kept the people calm whereas Garnet was a bit too forward in terms of the horrors that might befall them if they chose to remain. Either way, people were removed from the battle site but Thomas provided a human touch that Rose seemed to enjoy. 

Pearl and Rose learned much from this human and he learned from them; Pearl taught him basic Gem Glyph and Rose read him books from Homeworld though she tried her best to correct misinformation as they went along. Sometimes they’d sit outside on the beach for hours in a calm studious manner, a habit Thomas advocated for and Pearl found somewhat amusing; it seemed so odd that he wanted to spend time with both Rose and _Pearl_. He often took to writing when Rose or Pearl spoke even when they weren’t talking about anything particularly interesting. Sometimes Rose just talked about life and love, and he wrote it all down in a little leatherbound journal; the journal also hosted his Gem Glyph notes which to Pearl's surprise, he picked up with ease. She almost admired his conviction and marveled at his progress. He picked up Gem Glyph so quickly that he was able to write paragraphs without mistake by his second year with them. 

When Pearl asked about his notebook he had only smiled, setting a finger to his lips and told her it was a secret; perhaps even one day a gift to Rose if she so chose to take it. Normally such a declaration would have infuriated her but oddly enough the comment had merely drawn an amused eye roll from her. Pearl did not understand this shift in her behavior at first; she worried for a while wondering if perhaps her feelings for Rose had dwindled. When she took the time to think about, she quickly discovered that _no_ she still quite loved Rose but it was her feelings on Thomas that were changing. She more than tolerated him, and she was almost embarrassed to admit that she saw him as competent and brilliant; he was not just a human that followed Rose around, he had become Pearl's Companion. The realization had struck Pearl strangely, she had never had a human companion before and thus was not sure how to proceed. What did someone do with humans that they more than tolerated, that _wasn’t_ what Rose did with humans? Perhaps she would ask Thomas later and get his opinion.

Pearl was a coward, and thus she did not ask Thomas what human companions did. Instead, she tried her best to learn from him in more substantial ways; she learned how to wrap wounds and treat injuries as he did. Gems, when their physical forms became too burdensome simply poofed and reconstructed into something new but humans did not have such a luxury. It took weeks in some cases to heal life-threatening injuries, and in the worse cases, it might take months. That was if the human survived at all, but Pearl knew that if Rose witnessed the death of a human prematurely, she would surely be broken by it. Rose was a healer but who was there to heal _her._

As Pearl learned to treat human injuries, Rose learned other things from Thomas that she found far more interesting. He would not tell her where he was from but he adored talking about his homeland and all its glory; he made such outlandish claims about how the roads were paved with gold. It was a safe haven for the weak and stronghold for the mighty, anyone could live there peacefully as they were meant to be. Few ever got sick, and he had even claimed that many could not die of old age or serious injury. Pearl had rolled her eyes at that, the concept was ludicrous; to think that fragile humans could live nearly immortal lives seemed impossible because what reason would they have to protect humanity if humanity were so strong. Rose had been far more indulgent of Thomas during these moments, encouraging him to continue regardless if his claims were true or not. She liked the idea, as she has become smitten with many humans and she always grew crestfallen when they passed away and could no longer visit her. The idea that Thomas may have been different filled her with a slight hope, a secret hope, that he might be telling her the truth. Perhaps some humans could live forever, perhaps Thomas could live with her as long as he could. Pearl was far more skeptical as the years went by and she watched the man before her age slowly, crows’ feet crinkling at his eyes and smile lines around his mouth. If these immortal men existed, she doubted that he was one of them.

As the years flew by, and Thomas’s stay at the temple seemed almost permanent though he took the time to travel to nearby towns to treat the sick. Rose grew curious about why he was so willing to leave a home that was so grand just to come out into a humanity that suffered so. He had pondered the comment for a moment before speaking; there were many reasons why he traveled away from home and some were simpler than others. He enjoyed meeting new people, strange people like Rose and Pearl, Garnet and Amethyst, and all the people he met along the way on his journey. Rose had been quick to correct him when he claimed she was a person, as she was not a real person, and he had laughed and said she could if she tried. He continued that he enjoyed meeting the people he met along the way and sometimes if he so thought that they were kind and careful he might lead them back to his home country. Beyond that, he just did not like the suffering he knew existed in this world, away from the heavenly home he seemed to hail from. He was a physician in a country that needed few, but he knew that his skills were required elsewhere. He traveled outside his home to tend to the sick, the injured, and dying so that they receive the care unique to his country and some lived when they otherwise would have died.

There was one reason that he was hesitant to mention; in his country, there was a legend that all children knew and many adults revered. He had thought it would be silly to mention something so childish that he held his tongue at first. He had told them many myths from his land but none had seemed so personal as the one he avoided; that made Rose want to hear his story even more.

One day while they sat together on the beach, she had broken the general mood by placing herself between Pearl and Thomas while they worked. “You still have not told me what story your most fond of. The one that made you travel here, all this way from home. Oh, it must be a grand story for you to come all this way.” She had stroked his cheek, making the man weak and a touch uncertain about his silence. Pearl had seemed amused, peaking over at Thomas from behind Rose's shoulder to give the man a smug and playful smile. She shrugged her shoulders, smirking though part of her knew that she would be just as flustered by the affectionate touch.

Thomas had sputtered, taken back by Roses forwardness, and he had to physically set himself back a foot to look at her. He pushed his fingers through his hair, and bite his lip. “You’ll find it quite ridiculous if I tell you; Pearl especially.”

Thomas looked beyond Rose and gave his companion a sheepish look before shrugging back. The two understood each other quite well by now, though the comment did make Pearl curious. Rose pressed her hands together in a begging gesture. A warm joy filled the area between them, “Please? I really want to hear it.”

Thomas smile, though he was not so easily swayed. “I am a rational man of rational mind, I could not take the teasing I’m sure Pearl will dish out to me.”

Rose turned to Pearl and tugged her forward, pulling a squawk from the smaller Gem before settling her closer to Marcot. “Please? Please. we’ll enjoy the story, even if it's bad!”

“Rose!” The comment instantly drew a laugh from Pearl's lips, which she quickly tried to cover out of respect for her friend. Thomas did not seem bothered though he was smiling at Pearl strangely which made her pause. She gave him a smile back and nodded her head, “She’s right though, we will do our best to enjoy your tail regardless of whether it is good or not.”

“If you both insist….but do spare me your criticism. It is an old tale and I am merely reciting it,” Marcot had opened his little leatherbound journal and spoke theatrically. 

* * *

_There once was a princess named Xeni, who could see what others could not see; one eye was light blue and blind while the other eye was bright blue almost brilliant. Her father, the king of Zerzees, treasured her more than any gift his countryman could give him. From the cradle to the grave, he vowed to protect her fiercely, because she was a dainty thing; small and he was certain that she needed protection from all that could harm her. His fears stemmed from the sudden and heartbreaking death of the late queen during her daughter's birth. He did dearly missed his queen, who he claimed was the most beautiful and most brilliant woman he had ever met. Still, he would never trade back his sweet princess for another minute with his brilliant bride._

_When Xeni was little her father discovered a curious habit; she was mostly blind but when she was but a small child she would walk around the castle carefully stepping over nothing and turning on her heels as if to avoid stepping on something. When her father asked her what she was doing, the sweet young girl had replied that she didn’t want to step on all the pretty rainbows strings on the floor; she was certain that the castle tailor would be quite cross with her if she broke any of his thread. He found this unusual, as when he stared at the floor he saw nothing but the stones that were set there and when he questioned the Castle Tailor, the man said he was working on no garment that required colorful thread and he was not so irresponsible that he would just leave his materials around the castle._

_Over the years though, as the king watched his daughter grow and thrive, he realized that perhaps there was something more to those lovely threads laced along the floor. Many times he had asked her if she could trace them and what they told her. At first, she had been hesitant to touch the strings, for fear that she might break them if she was not gentle in her touch. After some time she discovered that the strings were far stronger than she realized, she could tug and try to tear at the strings but they would not break; they seemed as strong as diamond. She told her father that the threads led to little hearts all over the castle, and commonly she found two per person, though sometimes there was only one, and others have more. There were many colored strings, all of them felt like love but there were different kinds of love._

_The king was only more curious as he asked her whose hearts belonged to whom. She told him that The baker had two threads, one that lead to his wife and one that led a stablehand that he had known since his childhood. When asked about the three royal guards, she told him that the man in the middle once again had two threads, extending to two other guards who had threads leading elsewhere in the castle. The king went on for hours like this amazed by his daughter’s strange ability: he learned a lot about his castle that day. He learned that his greatest knight, a spry young man of 20, held romantic affection for the baker’s son who was of a similar age, and who did admire the Castle Tailor who had known him since he was a squire. The Court Jester was in love with the brewer, and best friends with the castle Cobbler; The steward was in an affair with the king's royal advisor and she did care for his daughter's lady in waiting. Around the castle the princess went connecting threads until most everyone knew who they were connected to; romantically and platonically. Some were more amused than others._

_The king asked his precious daughter what it all meant and she told him what she thought might be the answer, “Most souls have many halves that you find in other hearts, the romantic and the platonic. No matter what your heart is whole, but to love you must give part of yourself and your partner must give part of themself to you. The parts you receive will be complimentary and make your soul more beautiful.”_

_Her father loved the answer because he was so certain that his wife had given him a part of her and he had given her a part of him, “What what of you? Where do your threads lead?”_

_She told him that she had two threads as many did, and one was here with him, her adoring father, and another was elsewhere far away from their castle, leading out of their kingdom, and she was not sure where it lead. The admission had disheartened her greatly and for days after she moved through the castle stepping on threads without care though all the threads seemed stronger than her weight upon them. The dear king watched her and felt her pain so deeply that he himself wept in private for days as she wandered._

_Finally one day he came to her and drew her small frame into a hug, arms wrapped tightly around her shoulders and her head gently on his chest, reminiscent of when she was but a babe cradled by him while she slept. He stroked her hair and told her that it would be alright if she followed her thread and found the complementary piece for her soul. He would be here waiting for her return, though even in her absence she would be with him, and he would be with her._

_The next day she went away with many horsemen and servants on a search for her compliment. The king waited; he waited through the days, and the weeks, the months and the seasons while running his country as he had always done. The seasons turned slowly into years but strangely he was not worried, he could feel his daughter still with him so he knew that she was safe._

_Upon the tenth season in his daughter's absence, he awoke with a strange swelling in his chest, a pleasant feeling that he could not explain that stuck with him through the following hours as his advisors told him about new charters and allies that were forming with their kingdom. The feel grew during breakfast, becoming euphoric during lunch and finally, he had the oddest urge to go look out into the courtyard when Supper was served. He exited down the stairs as a single carriage was drawing up into the yard and a smile was plastered on his face due to a knowing that had not caught up with him yet. The carriage stopped before him and he opened up its door only to have his daughter throw herself into his arms. They laughed together as he spun her around, the two of them practically glowing with the joy of their reunion. His daughter was no longer a young adolescent, but she had grown into a strong woman in her years of life. She told him of her journey across many countries and how her caravan dwindled over time as the people she took came across their compliments and chose to stay with them. In the end, she crossed into a small country, of which none of her compatriots could enter without her guidance and she came upon a city of gold and precious gems, a country richer than any other she had come across. In this country there was a mess of colorful string in and out of sight; the country was buzzing with life and sound, in a way that the Princess Xeni had never seen before. She felt home in this place, beyond how her father made her feel home. Her small hands wrapped around the thread inside her chest and she followed it forward, never tugging so taunt that she might displace her love. When she finally reached her destination, her eyes gazed upon a face that was wholly unfamiliar to her yet a face that she had been waiting for her own life._

_The king cast his eyes towards the carriage once again as someone stepped forward, a slender woman perhaps only a few years older than his daughter, came forward. Her hair was wild and white, short but untamable at her back, brushed but still charmingly unmanageable. Her skin was pale, nearly colorless, but a large birthmark crawled along her neck and face; red eyes were deep and piercing. Her smile was shy but her eyes had a glint in them that was playful; when his daughter looked upon her, her own face glowed with love and adoration. He opened his arms to the girl and she walked into them without hesitation._

__

* * *

Thomas explained what he could to Pearl and Rose though it seemed difficult for him; because he felt embarrassed to admit that he, a grown man, believed in such fairytale. “I know it is silly. Soulmates and such but I have thought of this story every day for years now. I have no certainty that it is real but I would much like for it to be real.” 

Thomas was on a search for his missing compliments to his whole soul, and generally, Pearl would call out such human beliefs as strange and baseless but the story touched her in such a way that her chest felt warm. Perhaps Rose was her romantic compliment. The concept had been of instant interest to Rose and she asked him quite bluntly, “Do you think that I might be a compliment, to a whole? Should I give you half of me, and you give me half of you? Am I the romance you are looking for?”

The forwardness made Thomas blush but he did consider this for a moment while he laid in the sand with them. He felt against his chest gingerly, as he turned to face Rose and reach for her cheek just as tenderly as she reached for his before the story had started. He stroked her hair guiding her head down to meet his and he leaned against her forehead; her eyes closed softly surprised how nice the simple contact felt with the heat humans often expelled. While her eyes rested shut, he tugged his fingers along an imaginary string as his eyes opened half-lidded and lazy to look from Rose to Pearl. Pearl was watching intently, stressed in a way that she could not quite explain. Thomas's eyes met hers and he stared at her a moment before making a jester-like he was snapping a string, showing Pearl that he had no intention of taking Rose from her in such a personal way. He gave her a warm smile and Pearl found herself smiling back calmly as the man pulled away from Rose and kissed her softly. She opened her eyes and set a hand against his face which he leaned into enjoying the coolness of her skin.

“No, I’m afraid that you may not be that to me. Things are very complicated, a perfect compliment is what I am looking for and I do not think that I am your perfect compliment. That does not mean that I do not love you as a person can love another person…it just means when I think of your whole being, and my whole being, we are still separate.” He kissed along her hands, against her fingertips in a way that made her physical form tingle. “I would never want to be the reason why you can not find your whole and beautiful soul, I will love you as much as I can but I do think that I will have to return home sometime soon. I am not an old man, but I am not a young man anymore. You made me think of a life growing old with you, but I made the mistake of thinking that you would grow old with me. I think it is time that I depart.”

He stayed another few months with them, prepping for his journey home before handing off his Journal to Pearl, not Rose; he had hugged Pearl for the first and last time in her knowing him and had set a kiss upon her gem. She had swatted him playfully for being so bold and she did not feel any real heat towards him, she only felt sad that he was leaving. He made a point of pulling back slowly, his fist gently knocking against her chest and then his own as he smiled at her in a knowing way. “My land is hard to find but if you ever find the time, do come to visit me, my dear. We can read together again, and discuss history both personal and scholarly. I'll try my best to wait for you, but I know you have business here first.” He gestured towards Rose and the other crystal gems before departing. 

That was nearly 200 years ago and Pearl was no fool, she knew a human could not last so long but strangely she felt no trouble when thinking of him. He was just a strangely pleasant memory among Rose's many suitors that had not bothered Pearl so much as the others had. She never found his homeland though they had tried some years to look for it, she had even taken to looking through his journal for clues though she could not quite understand what she was reading. It was unusual, a mess of English, Gem glyph, and French about something quite silly; it was an instruction manual on the Art of Jewelry Making. That was not all that was in the pages, as there were many comments that felt so oddly accurate that she had to commend Thomas for being so astute while traveling with them. There were even off little details that went beyond being a wise man, into something like a prophet. She remembered one rule among his notes, written in French, that made her wonder what he had known about them:

  1. Diamonds are complex in their utility, but their uses are so volatile and diamonds are so expensive that it is better left up to the professionals to care and create with them. If you don’t know a diamond like you know yourself than it is best to leave things be.



Pearl felt strangely uneasy about the rule but Thomas was not around to explain it, so it was left open to interpretation. Beyond all the talk of Jewelry and how it was made, there were many Legends and myths laced through his journal; titled and explained for Rose’s enjoyment. Some were stories they had heard before: the automail maker, Xeni and the Soul Strings, The Casted Cave. Then there were ones that he had never mentioned in the many years he had known them: the Singing Stones, Oh Little Green Man, and My Edelweiss, among many other stories that Pearl found quite fascinating. It almost made her miss him some days, to reread his journal and wonder how he lived the rest of his human life. It was almost laughable to think in some cases that she might see him as her equal in the pursuit of Rose, an unlikely friend, a soulmate of sorts in their strange arrangement.

Still, sometimes she wondered how right or wrong Thomas had been because sometimes she saw relationships that just made sense in a way that reminded her of him. Though she had once loathed to admit it, Greg and Rose had made sense in a way that she and Rose could not. She loved Rose, and that could never be forgotten but Greg understood her in ways that she could not even if it was in his own little human way. They had both lived in a prison, trapped, and confined until they made their escape and never looked back at a home they had tried so hard to love. They both reinvented themselves into new beings who were wholly themselves and only themselves; Rose gave half of herself to Greg and Greg was willing to trade half of himself in return. If there were ever soulmates than those two could be and would be some of the best examples. 

To consider the last few weeks Pearl might even admit that she was growing to understand the idea of platonic soulmates as Thomas had tried to explain to her; she saw this while looking upon Steven and Edward. Thomas had toed the line between claiming that a soulmate was a missing piece, and a compliment because such a concept was messy and difficult to explain to someone who did not know the culture as he did. What Pearl did understand was that being with the people that your _'soul'_ connected with on such a profound level made you feel as though you could move forward more easily than you could without them. They were a breath in shallow lungs, but the person still needed to breathe on their own to realize it. Steven was breathing on his own, and breathing easier with Ed around. With Ed mixed up in his own turmoil trying his best to breathe, Steven was left nearly breathless at his departure and Pearl did all she could to correct this. She did not understand his human needs as she wished she could, years of human interactions still left gaps that she was filling. She knew one thing that would help at the moment while she was still wondering how to proceed.

Steven Sat idly in his bed, his head throbbing not because of the lack of sleep he had gotten or the fist he had almost taken to the face, but the stress and worry he felt now with Edward in such a state that he could not help him, and that the boy did not desire his help; the concept was new to him because he had never had someone so firmly reject his offer. Steven was all to use to helping others, he enjoyed being needed and he felt he was needed now but he was stuck unable to do anything because despite being needed-- what he was needed for was lost on him. Did Ed need comfort? What had him distressed? Did the other boy need space? How long was he supposed to stay away before they could talk about the issue? All of this was rippling water in his head, muddling his brain and muffling his ears, drowning him without water as he laid there unable to properly process what he could not talk out. There was a knock at the door, a tug on his chest, and he was pulled to his feet to answer it. Part of him had hoped it was Edward when he opened the door but that does not mean he was disappointed to see Connie there. Suddenly his arms were wrapped around her tightly and his head was buried in her shoulder, his breathing quieted by the fabric of her shirt. Her own hands made their way into his hair, lacing through the locks supporting his head as she held him there.

“You’re here…” He did not mean to choke on the words, it seems rather silly to do so, after all, why couldn’t she come to see him. Maybe she was taking a walk during one of her study breaks and she had ported over to have a chat or share a meal if she had not eaten yet.

“I’m here,” She confirmed and the words made his chest tight in ways he can’t describe, the words somehow felt so true and new but reminiscent of a time when he was wrong and life was so much harder but so much simpler. “Pearl called me. I’m here.”

Steven leaned into her and the next few hours seemed to blurr as a whirlwind of emotions twisted behind his eyes and words flooded from his mouth while Connie patiently listened and stroked his head. It was sometime before Steven could stem the flow of words, and a touch longer to come back to himself where he found the two of them lying side by side on his bed with him curled in against her. He was bigger than she was, though she had a few inches in height on him; ]he was curled into her chest as she stroked his head lovingly and listened to him speak. It was hard to say how they have gotten here but he suspected that he had not walked in his devastated stated, so instead he imagined that maybe Connie had briefly brought about a moment of euphoria and the two of them had floated up to his room where he then dropped them like stones onto his bed. It was a silly thought but he could not imagine Connie had lifted him, because though he knew she was strong enough to do so, as she had done so before, he was pained by the idea of burdening her in such a way. He’d rather think that He had flown them up here, then think that she’d dragged him to bed for his comfort.

When his breathing slowed she gently prodded him to sit up and before he could say anything a cup was thrusted into his hands causing a look of confusion to cross his face. She wiped at his eyes suddenly and he realized tears were streaming down much to his embarrassment. He wasn’t ashamed that he cried, as he often did during emotional moments whether they were happy or sad. He was just mildly mortified that he had made a mess of his girlfriend's shirt and she was acting completely unphased by it. “You can’t drink water and cry at the same time.”

Steven did not know if this were true or not but he drank the water regardless as his throat felt a little raw and his eyes were irritated. “Thanks?” his voice sounded terrible and he visibly winced as the grating noise met his ears. “Sorry, I know you must have been busy today, even if it is break you still got winter assignments to get done before you go back.”

“My assignments are mostly finished, I’ve been working hard to get things done so I can take a break.” Her fingers laced through his hair combing gently, in the comfort that he had grown to know well. “And I’ve still got plenty of vacation left to finish my work.”

“It's important to you, Connie. I didn’t want to bother you about this when you had things to do.”

“You’re important too, I don’t want you to think coming to me for this….for comfort or support means that you’re weighing me down.” She said calmly while gently guiding him back to look at her. “You are important to me, and I am important to you. We support each other, remember? We fight together, even if the fighting isn’t the kind of fighting that requires a sword. If you need help I’ll be here. If I need help I know you’ll be here. You’re allowed to talk to me, Steven.”

Steven swallowed thickly and moved his forehead to rest on hers comfortably; he let his eyes shut but he continued to speak. He knew that Connie would listen even if he could not quite compose the idea in his head, “I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated and scared, and sad.”

“Good, that’s how you feel and you’re allowed to feel that way.” Connie listened intently, piecing through his words. “Can you tell me why you feel frustrated?”

Steven breathed through his nose slowly, collecting his thoughts with calm consideration. “My new friend I’ve been texting you about….”

“The one who’s been living in the beach house?” She already knew, as Steven had mostly only been texting her about the new boy with general excitement. The confirmation was to keep Steven talking so he could collect his thoughts. This was a dance that she knew well, Steven was too prone to secrecy in terms of his feelings but he was a terrible liar and rarely tried with her. So long as she asked questions, he would answer them with honesty and work through his feelings.

“Yeah, Ed’s making me so frustrated.” Steven let out gruffly, pink spreading on his cheeks but spreading no further while he stared into Connie’s eyes. “He’s really frustrating you know, gosh just so grrr.” Steven let out a low growl and ruffled his own hair lazily.

“I can imagine, you told me he was a pretty odd guy. I don’t think you ever said why though, just that he was a little quiet about himself.” Connie smiled, setting a hand carefully on his chest, feeling the rumble of his half-hearted growl. “But things were working out pretty well despite that until now, did something happened?”

Steven tossed his hands up in the air separating himself from Connie but he did not move far from her. “Everything happened but I’m not sure what that everything is! He won’t tell me what's wrong! It's never been this hard to figure out how I’m supposed to fix someone. I know it has to do with sleep, he said he can’t sleep but he won't tell me why. How am I supposed to help him if I don’t even know what I’m helping him with!”

“Sometimes you need patience, I know a little thing about patients I think,” Connie said with mild amusement trying not to shift the tone too much but carefully setting the comment against Steven. “You test mine often.”

Steven gaped for a moment before letting out a brittle peal of laughter as his face leaned into her and his shoulders shook with more positive emotion. Sometimes Connie called him out for things, and he appreciated her for it, he could not hide his bags from her. “I….I guess I can’t argue with that. I know, I know I need to wait but it's just so hard. I look at him and I think if I wait too long then that’s it. I don’t know, it feels so different from everyone else I’ve tried to help. Different from Peridot, and Lapis, and the Diamonds. It's different this time and it's not just because I don’t get the problem or because he won’t tell me anything. I’m used to being in the dark and people saying squat but I still manage to get everything together.”

“What’s different this time?” 

Steven reached up towards his chest and he squeezed the fabric around his heart. “I’m scared?” he questioned softly while considering his own words.

“But you’ve been scared before. I’ve been scared to…sometimes things have been super dangerous when trying to set things right.” Connie said carefully, more curious now.

Steven shook his head suddenly and his grip tightened on the fabric of his blue shirt; he twisted and worried at the cloth rubbing away some of the yellow print on the star. “No this time it's different. Those times were different.”

“Tell me why.”

Steven had to think back on moments in his life that troubled him, pink seeping into his cheeks and Coonie was careful to draw him closer so that he remembered she was there. “I was never really scared of Lapis and Peridot because I didn’t know the stakes back then. Then there was the whole thing with the Diamonds and I was beyond scared, I’m still kind of scared now even though they’re nowhere near me. Is that dumb? They’re my mom’s family and I’m scared of them. I know they’re trying to be better but…”

She held him tighter, her fingers gripping in his hair and for a moment Steven felt a tug against his chest. “No…” She said carefully. Her own voice dipping slightly, losing her usual composure making Steven remember that she too felt a similar pain while remembering the Diamonds. Yes, she did not feel the tension of the gem ripped from her stomach, the crushing weakness of change in her bones, nor could she recall the surreal split perspective that left her mind reeling but she had been there. She had held him in her arms, heard the wavering in his voice barely able to stand; she had carried him forward when his own legs could not. They were just as much her trauma as his. “No, it's not dumb that you’re scared. I think I’m still a little scared too. You’re not alone Steven…not in that.” She admitted while taking a deep breath.

Steven leaned forward and kissed her head gently, his healing was not exactly objective in terms of wounds that were not physical but sometimes a Placebo could work. “Sorry, sometimes I forget.”

She leans into him and nods, “It's okay. I just….like I said. I’m here, I was there so I understand.”

Steven nodded and looked away, not to avoid eye contact but to give her a moment to recollect herself while he reconsidered his words. “Its kinda funny I was scared of the diamonds, but with Lapis and Peridot….I was scared for them. All the time that I had known them personally I was sacred for them. With Lapis I was scared she’d be trapped forever in whatever prison cell they put her in: A mirror, a ship, a fusion, her own self-doubt—I was scared the entire time that she couldn’t be free. With Peridot I was scared that she wouldn’t be able to connect, not with the earth or with me, or with the crystal gems. When Lapis found a way to be free and Peridot finally found herself willing to be with people, I just felt so….so relieved, the fear was finally gone.”

“You’re not afraid of Ed then, you’re afraid for him.” Connie interpreted. “Still I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this…so I don’t think I’ll understand unless you tell me why.”

“More afraid than I’ve ever been for anyone….mostly.” Steven said as he hugged Connie closer and stared out the window. “I get that scared for you sometimes.”

A small smile lingers on her lips. “I know you do Steven.”

“It's funny sorta, in a really morbid kinda way. You’re always asking how I feel and I just. How do I feel? About you ….I feel happy….and scared. When I think about you I’m just so happy to have you, and I’m so sure that I’d rather live in a world with you than without you, whether you’re beside me or beyond me. I just know that we are meant to be Jam buds, best buds, and everything—that we agree to be, we are meant to be. I’d rather be me with you. You know?”

There's a brightness to Connie’s eyes while she looks down at Steven, a small smile playing on her lips, as she nods. He was so cute sometimes. She stroked his cheek and made a point to set a kiss at the corner of his lips, smiling against his skin. When she pulled back his face was the most human kind of pink, “Yeah I know.” She agreed and gave him a smile that made his heart flutter and he was quick to hide his face against her shoulder once more.

“Its--- similar to Ed?” He was hesitant to mention but Connie wasn’t quick to judge him before he spoke again. “Just---different. For reasons….without all this.”

She smirked slightly, “I won't make you say the reasons until you’re ready to say them. I'm…kind of getting it.”

“It feels like I could know you both forever,” Steven said with a smile. “I hope you don’t hate that since I’ve known you for years and I’ve just known him since ah…..heck was it the beginning of December? Its…it hasn’t been for a long time.”

She snorts softly, “I think that’s just how you are Steven, you come in fast and sweep the world off their feet. I’ve watched it with nearly every villain you’ve ever faced so I’m not about to be jealous because you made a friend first before an enemy. I’m—a little proud of you actually? For making a fast friend. I like knowing you have people, people who are there for you, people that you can have fun with and smile with. Doesn’t matter if you’ve been my friend longer or his friends for a week. If you feel like you could know us both forever…”

“I just…like that feeling a lot,” Steven affirmed. “It's why Ed’s got me so scared right now, I think. It feels like less than forever watching him this week. He’s making himself sick and he's distancing himself from me, and the Gems. I don’t even know if he has any family I can call or any other friends that can help him. I hate being in the dark, I know I got to be patient but it's hard when you don’t know how long it's gonna be and how much damage it is going to do.”

“I can understand what you mean.” She did not press further or explain. She had similar feelings about him weeks ago, and still worried for him now. “It's hard to wait but you can’t force anyone to talk to you before they're ready, you just have to be there when they are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to act as a sort of chapter/episode list to draw people in and get existing readers excited for future chapters. I have a lot planned and the following chapters are only tid-bits of what is to come. So long as I have nothing better to do I will write.
> 
> chapter 8 (A Mother’s Sacrifice): Steven and Ed don’t deliver a baby
> 
> chapter 9 (Mr. Greg’s infinite Checkbook): Greg accidentally makes a child cry 
> 
> chapter 10 (St. Eligius Stuckup Acedamy): Somehow Ronaldo is inescapable 
> 
> chapter 11 (The Bonus Birthdays): Steven forgot he was born
> 
> chapter 12 (Space Rocks n Stone Roll): Edward discovers bisexually
> 
> chapter 13 (Be My Sorta Valentine): Mayor Gunga likes to people watch


End file.
